(no subject)
maybe i can't keep away, not yet. Still having problem's with people and their fucked up ego's, and their fucked up look on life, and how fucking disappointing thing's can be, how people can be, and how life can be. i seem to be more frustrated, more pissed off at thing's lately, for no reason's really. why can't everyone step into reality, why does everything have to be a joke to people, why can't people feel the pain and suffering that I, Myself, Adam feel. Your life can be good, but everything you get is handed down, and you get free thing's, free futures, and i've yet to meet one single greatful person. America might be free, but inside i feel locked up, my thought's, my freedom of speech, my life. locked up inside. i might wan't to share it, but i don't trust anyone, and why should i? I'm sick of competition's, i'm sick of unreal people, i'm sick of coming off as alright, but being as unright as possible. i admit, i'm a fake, i fake my feeling's, i fake my intention's, i fake my whole life. and for what? and for who most of all? I admit that deep inside i feel for each person i know. and i wish i could just stop. stop all the bullshit. The bullshit between my friend's, someone's got something better than the other.. to a point, it's all fun and games. but that's my point, when's the game's going to stop? i have 19 day's till im 18, and i feel like a little kid, with little friend's, just bullshitting to be the best. and I'M one of the youngest in the group, and i say we need to stop this bullshit. my opinion's mean nothing. my outlook on life mean's nothing, to anyone, i don't want your pitty, i don't want your sympathy. infact, i want you to be yourself, infact i want you to do what you want, and not what other people want you to do. Why would you want to live for anyone else but yourself, why would you want to not be yourself, but an image of another? so don't tell me everything's alright, Cuz i'm writing how i feel, and this is how i feel. i feel left out, i feel alone, i feel like i'm digging my own grave, i feel useless, i feel inconsiderate, That's how I Feel. that's what I want to change, but can't, or know how to change. so is life still a game to you? There is no restart button's in a game, there is no Do over's. Life is a game, without restart button's, full of tasks, and bosses, and competition, and you have the power to look forward on things being great, Thing's getting better, thing's for yourself. you don't need anyone to tell you otherwise, you could be a bum, no home, no food, money. and the only thing you can do is hope, hope that you do something for yourself, instead of rotting away under a cardboard box in the gutter. i need to grow up more, i need to get a new job, i need to start the responsability that is called life, and these are the thing's i need to do, not need, Wan't to do. i wish there was something i could do to make other people better, i wish there was something i could do to make people make the right choices. but people these day's block the opinion's i have, the advice i have, the feeling's i have. i guess that's when i just stop. can't get to the future, holding on to the past. future has alot instore for us, we aren't ready. nobody's ready for the future. one of the impossible task's i've looked upon. time fly's, can't even understand how fast i got to 18. seem's like yesterday i was a 13 year old kid, scared of only ONE GIRL or should i say Pepsi? Then i got older, friend's got older, family got older, people change, but old memories stay the same, you can go into the future, remembering the past, and the past you shouldn't forget, those we're the best day's of my life so far, i'll never forget some of the people i once knew, and i'll never forget my friend's now. but the pain hurt's more each day, i move forward and get held back by thing's that just don't know how to let me go. i feel hopeless, helpless even. i'm alone for a long road, in which i have to take. i don't want to take it alone. i hate being alone. guess i just needed to type it all out this time, hard not telling people how you feel, kinda hides a second personality. i think to much, usually about thing's i want, and can't get. so i usually end up getting frustrated at myself. don't know how to stop, don't know what to do really anymore, can't figure anything out on my own, i jog up the mountain so i can think things thru, but never works. end up just losing it, and beating myself up over it. but as much as i wan't myself to change, i'm scared that it will. different thing's are somewhat odd.. i confuse myself. what the hell?. does anyone even understand the thing's i blab about, anyone on the same page as me? in the confusing section?. or am i alone here as well? i'm not looking down on my life, i'm not saying i have a shitty life. I have a great life, i have great friend's, family. It's just the thing's missing that i cannot stand, the thing's i cannot find.. someone once said "Love is Blind". but if it's blind, how do you find love. life is short, every breath counts.