Sad, Angry, Frustrated, and Helpless
Well, everyday i wait until about 7:30, when its nice and dark. Then i go out and jump on my trampoline with my CD player. You know just thinking and doing flips and going all over the place ^-^ . But today when i walked out to do my daily ritual, i saw my trampoline was broken :( . The rods on the one of the sides had completely broke off and caved in. I tried to fix it best i could , but it wasnt working. So i ran inside and cussed like an indian and found out from my little siblings Kyle and Randi that they had been jumping on it and broke it. But it wasnt THEM that actually broke it, it was this fat kid across the street -__-.. They didnt tell me because of whatever reason.. Now my trampoline(that makes me happy and keeps me sane) is broke !! I looked forward to jumping on that thing everyday since i've had it..Now i cant :( ..And whats worse than me being Sad, Angry, and Frustrated with the whole thing, is that im 100% helpless to fix what happened.. I cant do anything about it.. Thats the worst feeling in the world.. And i dont know what to think about it..Besides that I got Britni's phone number from Will yesterday.. So i called her again today, and havent been able to catch her when she isnt busy..But i got her sn and her livejournal thing even though it isnt working for some reason.. Anyhow, it completely ruined my day to not be able to get all my frustrations thrown out of me.. What was so cool about my trampoline was that i never had to focus on one thing, i could just have fun and not worry about anything but falling off..I know im making a big deal about a trampoline, but it was important to me because it was my special place that no one would bother me at .. Blagh, but you know, i can get another one i guess, or maybe even be able to fix this one...Heh, yah right, but its possible i suppose..Just about anything is..
On another note i have not called my father in a few days because it makes me feel bad to talk to him..It just gets difficult to accept that he gets my older brother full time now, and that i get my mother full time and i dont want anything to do with her. She dictates to me too much, like i cant even think for myself.. I love everyone but she just makes life so difficult. She ruined what good i had going on just because things were not going well for HER. Its kind of like im not good enough for her to think about in a selfless way. Her being selfish is good for her and if its good for me, then great, but if its not, then too bad. Thats the way its always been and now that she has taken away my father and thrown away almost all my personal things, she wants to be nice, start over an be my friend. YOU CANT DO THAT. Its like trying to teach a fish to swim, the ability of feeling should have been built in. If she cant understand something couldnt she at least FEEL it? I hate complaining but im getting too tired to deal with everything. I think the only person that loves me selflessly is my cat. LOL. But i love everyone, so have a good night, and sweet dreams .
Love ,
Karlie
On another note i have not called my father in a few days because it makes me feel bad to talk to him..It just gets difficult to accept that he gets my older brother full time now, and that i get my mother full time and i dont want anything to do with her. She dictates to me too much, like i cant even think for myself.. I love everyone but she just makes life so difficult. She ruined what good i had going on just because things were not going well for HER. Its kind of like im not good enough for her to think about in a selfless way. Her being selfish is good for her and if its good for me, then great, but if its not, then too bad. Thats the way its always been and now that she has taken away my father and thrown away almost all my personal things, she wants to be nice, start over an be my friend. YOU CANT DO THAT. Its like trying to teach a fish to swim, the ability of feeling should have been built in. If she cant understand something couldnt she at least FEEL it? I hate complaining but im getting too tired to deal with everything. I think the only person that loves me selflessly is my cat. LOL. But i love everyone, so have a good night, and sweet dreams .
Love ,
Karlie