Crack fic: Thirty tentacles equal fifteen hugs
Title: Thirty tentacles equal fifteen hugs
Author: tawg
Rating: PG
Word count: ~800
Characters: Balthazar, Castiel, mentions of Dean and Bobby.
Notes: Jellyfish!Balthazar is something I like to taunt princess_aleera with. Finally she dared me to write Jellyfish!Balthazar fic. And there are some dares you can't turn away from. This was written in Skype, and the original formatting (complete with lack of punctuation and capital letters) has been preserved.
Summary: Neither of them expected to end up in these places. An illustrated crackfic detailing the incredibly awkward breakup (and reunion) of Jellyfish!Balthazar and Godstiel.
Once upon a time, Balthazar got stabbed
and, like, he was super pissed about it
he was all, 'this totes aint fair, yo'
'i did everything right, you know? i thought we were bff'
And god, who was kinda also castiel at that moment
figured that maybe he had a point there
they had been bff
they had the necklaces and everything
they'd gotten them from anthropologie.
So, godstiel was all, 'okay, i guess killing you kinda sucks, but
i can't just have you running around being my bff and doing stuff for me
i’m, like, god now. i need to stand on my own two feet
it's not you, zaza, it's me’.
And balthazar was all, 'am i still dead now? because if so can you plz stop breaking up with me? we were bros, god. when did you change?'
and god felt all bad and stuff
like that time he almost trod on that fish and ruined everything
in retrospect, god nearly ruined a lot of things
he should probably consider making up for some of that stuff sometime
but, he's god. it can wait.
So he scooped up what was left of zaza. and then he fished out the bff charm (he was hoping maybe Dean could be persuaded to take it. Or maybe Bobby)
and he went to the ocean because that was where life had begun
also, zaza had always said they should go to the beach, and hang out, watch the sunset
zaza hadn't been all that focussed on the god thing, in retrospect
he'd been all about having dinner together and talking about their day.
Please leave a comment for the vidder.
So godstiel tipped the little bit of grace and zaza into the ocean
and zaza was all, 'ow, this salt stings. you dick'.
And god didn't like being called a dick, but once dean had cleaned a would with saline water, and he knew that salt did sting like a bitch.
Balthazar would need some protection from the evil that was salt water.
So god scooped up a passing jellyfish. he had intended to consult with it
but jellyfishes aren't fond of being picked up
not even by god
it's the whole 'being grabbed and then removed from the water' part of it
it kinda pisses them off.
So the jellyfish stung god and was quickly smote in retaliation
'oh, sure,' zaza said, writhing in salty agony, 'just kill all of the things. great going'.
'shut up,' godstiel said in response. he was going to throw the jellyfish at zaza, but then he had a better idea.
He carefully hollowed out the jellyfish -
jellyfish are soft and squishy, and zaza had always claimed to like boobs, so godstiel was pretty sure he would appreciate those traits the fish and bosoms had in common -
but he hollowed it out, and scooped zaza up again, and poured him into the jellyfish.
It wasn't a great fit, but jellyfish can stretch and angels can fold up pretty small, so it kinda worked.
God was pretty sure that eventually zaza would stop blinding all who lay sight on his holy tendrils.
So he put jellyfish balthazar back into the ocean, and the salt did not sting him anymore
jellyfish balthazar did, however, try to sting god.
God stomped on him, and then had to set about rebuilding him
which took a while, and a lot of cussing
and he definitely wasn't going to give zaza his half of the bff necklace now.
'i'm sorry i wasn't a better friend' god said as he let jellyfish balthazar II blob about into the water
'i'm sorry that you stabbed me,' jellyzaza replied
'well, look, if you're going to be a bitch about it...'
'just go and be god or whatever,' jellyzaza replied.
'okay. we'll talk about this later'
'fine'
'fine'
'and stay away from those pesky winchesters!' jellyzaza called.
But godstiel wasn't great at listening to people
and jellyfish cannot yell very loudly
or at all
since they don't have vocal chords.
*SOME TIME PASSES*
'Well well', jellyzaza said
'shut up', lakestiel replied
'is this a new look?'
'shut up'
'not quite as svelte as the last one'
'omg hat u'
'you're quite salty for a lake'.
'...'
And jellyzaza (who had been captured, taken as a pet, and then dumped into the river system after blinding several small children with his holy tendrils of doom) realised that lakestiel was a different creature than the angel general god thing he had known.
Lakestiel was a reservoir of remorse
and salty both from a thorough salting (and also a little oily from attempts to burn A LAKE, you pesky winchesters)
and from tears.
'Oh cassie,' jellyfishzaza sighed
and through the power of osmosis and filter feeding, the jellyfish and lakestiel became one
the end.
*SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY*
Bobby: *cradles his BFF necklace, and sighs manfully*
'idjit'
REALLY THE END NOW
Author: tawg
Rating: PG
Word count: ~800
Characters: Balthazar, Castiel, mentions of Dean and Bobby.
Notes: Jellyfish!Balthazar is something I like to taunt princess_aleera with. Finally she dared me to write Jellyfish!Balthazar fic. And there are some dares you can't turn away from. This was written in Skype, and the original formatting (complete with lack of punctuation and capital letters) has been preserved.
Summary: Neither of them expected to end up in these places. An illustrated crackfic detailing the incredibly awkward breakup (and reunion) of Jellyfish!Balthazar and Godstiel.
Once upon a time, Balthazar got stabbed
and, like, he was super pissed about it
he was all, 'this totes aint fair, yo'
'i did everything right, you know? i thought we were bff'
And god, who was kinda also castiel at that moment
figured that maybe he had a point there
they had been bff
they had the necklaces and everything
they'd gotten them from anthropologie.
So, godstiel was all, 'okay, i guess killing you kinda sucks, but
i can't just have you running around being my bff and doing stuff for me
i’m, like, god now. i need to stand on my own two feet
it's not you, zaza, it's me’.
Click to viewAnd balthazar was all, 'am i still dead now? because if so can you plz stop breaking up with me? we were bros, god. when did you change?'
and god felt all bad and stuff
like that time he almost trod on that fish and ruined everything
in retrospect, god nearly ruined a lot of things
he should probably consider making up for some of that stuff sometime
but, he's god. it can wait.
So he scooped up what was left of zaza. and then he fished out the bff charm (he was hoping maybe Dean could be persuaded to take it. Or maybe Bobby)
and he went to the ocean because that was where life had begun
also, zaza had always said they should go to the beach, and hang out, watch the sunset
zaza hadn't been all that focussed on the god thing, in retrospect
he'd been all about having dinner together and talking about their day.
Please leave a comment for the vidder.
So godstiel tipped the little bit of grace and zaza into the ocean
and zaza was all, 'ow, this salt stings. you dick'.
And god didn't like being called a dick, but once dean had cleaned a would with saline water, and he knew that salt did sting like a bitch.
Balthazar would need some protection from the evil that was salt water.
So god scooped up a passing jellyfish. he had intended to consult with it
but jellyfishes aren't fond of being picked up
not even by god
it's the whole 'being grabbed and then removed from the water' part of it
it kinda pisses them off.
So the jellyfish stung god and was quickly smote in retaliation
'oh, sure,' zaza said, writhing in salty agony, 'just kill all of the things. great going'.
'shut up,' godstiel said in response. he was going to throw the jellyfish at zaza, but then he had a better idea.
He carefully hollowed out the jellyfish -
jellyfish are soft and squishy, and zaza had always claimed to like boobs, so godstiel was pretty sure he would appreciate those traits the fish and bosoms had in common -
but he hollowed it out, and scooped zaza up again, and poured him into the jellyfish.
It wasn't a great fit, but jellyfish can stretch and angels can fold up pretty small, so it kinda worked.
God was pretty sure that eventually zaza would stop blinding all who lay sight on his holy tendrils.
So he put jellyfish balthazar back into the ocean, and the salt did not sting him anymore
jellyfish balthazar did, however, try to sting god.
God stomped on him, and then had to set about rebuilding him
which took a while, and a lot of cussing
and he definitely wasn't going to give zaza his half of the bff necklace now.
'i'm sorry i wasn't a better friend' god said as he let jellyfish balthazar II blob about into the water
'i'm sorry that you stabbed me,' jellyzaza replied
'well, look, if you're going to be a bitch about it...'
'just go and be god or whatever,' jellyzaza replied.
'okay. we'll talk about this later'
'fine'
'fine'
'and stay away from those pesky winchesters!' jellyzaza called.
But godstiel wasn't great at listening to people
and jellyfish cannot yell very loudly
or at all
since they don't have vocal chords.
*SOME TIME PASSES*
'Well well', jellyzaza said
'shut up', lakestiel replied
'is this a new look?'
'shut up'
'not quite as svelte as the last one'
'omg hat u'
'you're quite salty for a lake'.
'...'
And jellyzaza (who had been captured, taken as a pet, and then dumped into the river system after blinding several small children with his holy tendrils of doom) realised that lakestiel was a different creature than the angel general god thing he had known.
Lakestiel was a reservoir of remorse
and salty both from a thorough salting (and also a little oily from attempts to burn A LAKE, you pesky winchesters)
and from tears.
'Oh cassie,' jellyfishzaza sighed
and through the power of osmosis and filter feeding, the jellyfish and lakestiel became one
the end.
*SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY*
Bobby: *cradles his BFF necklace, and sighs manfully*
'idjit'
REALLY THE END NOW