(no subject)
I thought that maybe over time, I'd be able to feel like I exist again. Independently.
I'd like to be more than a facade of appearances and reactions. My head is spinning, and it's like what I've tried to become keeps dying, every single day.
Simply riding the wave was the only option for a while; a new outlook leads to new thoughts.
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I've switched jobs, and become relatively monetarily secure. However, with the change of jobs comes a stark realization that nothing has changed at all.
Five and a half years now, to the day, and I thought I could get away from being a dissolved piece of shit. Why do I keep clinging to what I now know to be insane illusions of grandeur? I am a fucking moron. I'm not ignorant. I am gone.
I'd like to be more than a facade of appearances and reactions. My head is spinning, and it's like what I've tried to become keeps dying, every single day.
Simply riding the wave was the only option for a while; a new outlook leads to new thoughts.
------------------
I've switched jobs, and become relatively monetarily secure. However, with the change of jobs comes a stark realization that nothing has changed at all.
Five and a half years now, to the day, and I thought I could get away from being a dissolved piece of shit. Why do I keep clinging to what I now know to be insane illusions of grandeur? I am a fucking moron. I'm not ignorant. I am gone.