A LONG AWAITED REUNION.
CO. WRITTEN. with Peter, Original Author and Genius behind Frank Tiereny.
Staring at the vanishing point in the road Adam’s mind detoured back two days. How the hell did I get here?
It was just after one in the morning when a loud crack woke Adam from his tumbled sleep. Opening one sleep-crusted eye he made out the form of a familiar character silhouetted in his bedroom.
“PSSST,” it said.
Swallowing, Wilkes propped himself up against the intruder.
“What the fuck are yer-,”
“SHH,” it hissed, “It’s your mom,” it said softer now, “…she’s sleep walking naked.”
That voice was too familiar. Low and gruff, the effects of drink and one too many smokes.
“Frank?”
“Hey!”
“What are you doing? Where have you been?” Adam clamored out of bed and stumbled over to his best friend. A few emotions rushed through him all at once. Anger. Happiness. More Anger. Staring at a very real, very drunk Frank, Adam sighed.
“Why didn’t you write?”
Frank snorted loudly, “Like I would,” and wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve, “Come on.”
“Did you come through the window?” Wilkes pointed to the shattered glass.
“Front door was shut,” said Frank as if it was a perfectly logical reason.
“What are you doing?”
“Kidnapping you.”
“Oh,” Adam paused, dropping his hands to his sides, “oh, just let me get my pants then.”
“Okay, tell me one more time,” said Adam gripping the clutch.
“Get your hand off that,” Frank laughed in disgust, pushing Adam’s hand away and sloshing beer down his front, “keep your hands on the wheel.”
“Fine, but what do I do?”
“Okay, you’re going to do it just like I showed you. Clutch in, start the car.”
Adam forced his foot as far to the floor as it could go (“That’s a bitch”, “yes, yes it is”), put his right foot gingerly on the break and turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared, the exhaust clunked.
“Are they all that bloody loud?”
“No, just mine. It’s special,” Frank patted the dashboard and planted a soggy kiss on the glove compartment.
“When you wrote to tell me you found your soul mate, I assumed it was a girl.”
Frank laughed.
“Okay. I’m gonna do it now.”
“Remember. Gently. Take the clutch out slow while you’re pushing down on the gas. NOT THAT MUCH!”
The engine killed.
“Okay, you can’t dump the clutch like that.”
Adam started the car again, attempted to put it into first (“HAND’S OFF!”), and eased off the break.
“I can’t do what to the clutch?”
“Ease it out gently. Like you’re making love to a woman. A classy woman. Did you ever fuck that Lisa?”
Too much gas. The engine jolted and killed.
“Too much gas,” said Frank, nonchalant, taking another sip of his beer, “start it again.”
Adam licked his lips and sputtered to turn and look at his friend. Slowly, stirred by the awkward silence, and lack of movement, Frank turned to Adam.
“What? You can’t honestly be nervous. It’s like a broom. A big ass dangerous broom. That emits toxic fumes and-"
“No,” snapped Adam, “why’d you say that? About Lisa.”
“Ohnn,” said Frank with a roll of his eyes, “you didn’t fuck her, did you?”
Adam started the car, his eyes fixed resolutely forward.
“If you’re like this in bed,” mused Frank, “I’m afraid you’re doomed to a life of Julia Roberts movies.”
“Who?”
“Just drive.”
Staring at the vanishing point in the road Adam’s mind detoured back two days. How the hell did I get here?
It was just after one in the morning when a loud crack woke Adam from his tumbled sleep. Opening one sleep-crusted eye he made out the form of a familiar character silhouetted in his bedroom.
“PSSST,” it said.
Swallowing, Wilkes propped himself up against the intruder.
“What the fuck are yer-,”
“SHH,” it hissed, “It’s your mom,” it said softer now, “…she’s sleep walking naked.”
That voice was too familiar. Low and gruff, the effects of drink and one too many smokes.
“Frank?”
“Hey!”
“What are you doing? Where have you been?” Adam clamored out of bed and stumbled over to his best friend. A few emotions rushed through him all at once. Anger. Happiness. More Anger. Staring at a very real, very drunk Frank, Adam sighed.
“Why didn’t you write?”
Frank snorted loudly, “Like I would,” and wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve, “Come on.”
“Did you come through the window?” Wilkes pointed to the shattered glass.
“Front door was shut,” said Frank as if it was a perfectly logical reason.
“What are you doing?”
“Kidnapping you.”
“Oh,” Adam paused, dropping his hands to his sides, “oh, just let me get my pants then.”
“Okay, tell me one more time,” said Adam gripping the clutch.
“Get your hand off that,” Frank laughed in disgust, pushing Adam’s hand away and sloshing beer down his front, “keep your hands on the wheel.”
“Fine, but what do I do?”
“Okay, you’re going to do it just like I showed you. Clutch in, start the car.”
Adam forced his foot as far to the floor as it could go (“That’s a bitch”, “yes, yes it is”), put his right foot gingerly on the break and turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared, the exhaust clunked.
“Are they all that bloody loud?”
“No, just mine. It’s special,” Frank patted the dashboard and planted a soggy kiss on the glove compartment.
“When you wrote to tell me you found your soul mate, I assumed it was a girl.”
Frank laughed.
“Okay. I’m gonna do it now.”
“Remember. Gently. Take the clutch out slow while you’re pushing down on the gas. NOT THAT MUCH!”
The engine killed.
“Okay, you can’t dump the clutch like that.”
Adam started the car again, attempted to put it into first (“HAND’S OFF!”), and eased off the break.
“I can’t do what to the clutch?”
“Ease it out gently. Like you’re making love to a woman. A classy woman. Did you ever fuck that Lisa?”
Too much gas. The engine jolted and killed.
“Too much gas,” said Frank, nonchalant, taking another sip of his beer, “start it again.”
Adam licked his lips and sputtered to turn and look at his friend. Slowly, stirred by the awkward silence, and lack of movement, Frank turned to Adam.
“What? You can’t honestly be nervous. It’s like a broom. A big ass dangerous broom. That emits toxic fumes and-"
“No,” snapped Adam, “why’d you say that? About Lisa.”
“Ohnn,” said Frank with a roll of his eyes, “you didn’t fuck her, did you?”
Adam started the car, his eyes fixed resolutely forward.
“If you’re like this in bed,” mused Frank, “I’m afraid you’re doomed to a life of Julia Roberts movies.”
“Who?”
“Just drive.”