Ignorance In Pieces (4/?)
Title: Ignorance In Pieces (4/?)
Author: adamissexable
Rating: NC 17 over all - language, sexual imagery
Pairing: Kradam! and definitely Kradison friendship
Summary: "He couldn't do this. Not here, not now."
Warning/Notes: I know I know, angsty isn't attractive - but it's necessary! I promise it gets better. (:
And if you're googling yourself, well, you so enter at your own risk.
Part One - http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/683.html
Part Two - http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/882.html
Part Three - http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/1101.html
Thank you to my beta - alexacoleman.
If anything's wrong with it - blame her! (;
Stage managers and tech producers and light coordinators swirled around Kris, but they left no imprint - he didn’t notice them. He didn’t notice that they were actually rushing around him, almost running into others - or tripping over their own feet - as they shouted things into the air, at each other, to themselves. Kris didn’t notice they were as stressed as he was, if not more, due to the lack of a 6’1 glittery, dark-haired man that should have been standing next to him at this very moment.
For all Kris cared they might as well have been the strands of his hair that had fallen out of place - annoyingly hanging in his line of sight - as he continued to run his hand through his hair, or the plaid button up he kept tugging at with his mic hand when it rode up each time he inhaled. Annoying and irrelevant.
The only thing Kris cared about was breathing, or lack thereof. If he allowed his thoughts and emotions to seep into his being, to think about what his heart and head were screaming at him to consider, he might just pass out from forgetting to breathe - or losing the ability to.
It had almost happened earlier when Kris had left the closet numbly and gotten halfway to where he needed to be before collapsing on the floor, tearless and exhausted. Exhausted from the force of the orgasm that still had his knees shaking, exhausted from his best friend catching him jack off then storm out of the room, and most of all just plain exhausted from the countless number of emotions he’d ran through in the past hour.
Allison found Kris curled up against the wall, his knees tucked against his chest, arms acting as the only things keeping him from slumping over completely, and red, puffy lips murmuring silent things as he threw his head back against the wall repeatedly - not too hard, from what she could tell, but hard enough to inflict a decent amount of pain.
She stopped in her tracks, shell-shocked and speechless as she just observed him. His eyes were closed, and every time his head thumped loudly against the wall behind him, his lips formed the same breathless, barely audible word. Adam.
The word came as a bit of a shock to Allison. Yes, Adam and Kris were best friends - but she’d never seen Kris like this, not even over his divorce. He hadn’t looked like this when he and Katy fell apart, and Adam and Kris are just friends, right? Shit. She racked her brain quickly, mentally snatching up different sections and parts, then fit the pieces together like a giant, complicated puzzle. She’d always suspected the relationship between her two best friends to consist of more than just friendship, but she left it alone with all of their denying of a real ‘Kradam’ existing.
Kris opened his chocolate eyes suddenly when he heard a strangled gasp that Allison had released unawares. She was just staring at him, eyes questioning, mouth in a slight ‘o’ and posture rigid. He would have been humiliated had he been able to muster up enough emotion to act accordingly.
He didn’t even get the time to try, however, before the younger girl ran to him and lifted him up by his forearms - surprised at the ease that she did it with; he wasn’t exactly light. Kris stood awkwardly, his upper body sagging heavily, before putting his weight against the wall, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.
“Kris, look at me,” she spoke in an even tone, stern but comforting. Kris avoided the eyes he knew he couldn’t face. Between the scene backstage early, and how he was currently acting…And you can’t even pull yourself together long enough to call off a 17 year old girl. When he still didn’t meet her eyes, she repeated her statement again, this time shoving his shoulders back into the wall lightly.
Reluctantly he pulled his eyes to hers, and almost sobbed out loud when he observed the amount of warmth, of concern, that was there. He shook his head slowly, the brief action making his already throbbing head dizzy. Kris pleaded her with his eyes. He couldn’t do this. Not here, not now.
Allison reciprocated with a fierce nod of her head - an intense emotion in her eyes - and her lips pursed, as her flaming red curls bounced with the motion. She opened her mouth to speak, but Kris brought his finger to her lips shakily, and once again asked for silence with his eyes.
She wasn’t sure whether to grant his request or not - they were wasting time - he really needed to get on stage. Kris continued staring at her, before pushing off against the wall to wrap her figure into a warm, tight embrace that brought tears to her eyes.
Allison cautiously wrapped her own arms around his waist and tried not to let the tears fall into his neck where her head was tucked, the warmth and familiar scent of him washing over her. The roles had switched so abruptly, so suddenly, she was clueless as to what was happening now. He was comforting her, and she couldn’t fathom why.
Allison tried to pull away from Kris, but when he tightened his grip on her, burying his face even deeper into her magenta locks, she figured it was time for her to speak up. “Kris, you have to get on stage, you don’t even have time to go to your dressing room now.”
Kris was ignoring her though, and instead of a response he began humming. A simple, sweet noise that eventually turned into a familiar tune. It was the same tune that he sang during the top 3, the tune that everyone assumed was meant for his wife. Allison knew different. They had already been separated then, and it was meant for his best friend. Allison bit her lip to hold back a sob, and wrenched herself away from Kris - she didn’t even try to stop her tears.
Kris studied her face carefully for a few seconds, before cupping the side of it and using his thumb to wipe away her tears. It was something her dad used to do when she was younger and her breath hitched, broken, when he leaned in and kissed her cheek softly before turning and walking with quick, deliberate steps towards center stage.
Allison walked Adam halfway to the lift, before giving his arm a light squeeze and prancing off to where she was going to enter the stage. Adam halted to watch her retreating form - thick, long curls flouncing in her wake - before rounding the corner, eyes angled down enough for the brim of his cap to cover his face. He walked with slow, even steps and didn’t allow himself to look at the heartbreakingly beautiful man next to him as he stepped on the lift.
Adam was determined to completely ignore him, despite the fact that Kris was humming a slow, sweet melody that was tearing at Adam’s heart. His breath caught in his throat and he fought like hell to keep his emotions in check, just barely avoiding another meltdown - before he closed his eyes and concentrated on the screaming fans in the distance. They were the reason he was here, and there was no way in fuck he was going to let them down. Adam lifted his head up and stared straight ahead, jaw set and teeth clenched, as the lift ascended. He was adamant on ignoring the tune that Kris hummed the entire way up because if he allowed himself to hear the lyrics of Falling Slowly in his head…he wouldn’t make it through the performance.
Comments would be wonderful and Part 5 tomorrow! :D
Thanks for reading.
Author: adamissexable
Rating: NC 17 over all - language, sexual imagery
Pairing: Kradam! and definitely Kradison friendship
Summary: "He couldn't do this. Not here, not now."
Warning/Notes: I know I know, angsty isn't attractive - but it's necessary! I promise it gets better. (:
And if you're googling yourself, well, you so enter at your own risk.
Part One - http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/683.html
Part Two - http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/882.html
Part Three - http://adamissexable.livejournal.com/1101.html
Thank you to my beta - alexacoleman.
If anything's wrong with it - blame her! (;
Stage managers and tech producers and light coordinators swirled around Kris, but they left no imprint - he didn’t notice them. He didn’t notice that they were actually rushing around him, almost running into others - or tripping over their own feet - as they shouted things into the air, at each other, to themselves. Kris didn’t notice they were as stressed as he was, if not more, due to the lack of a 6’1 glittery, dark-haired man that should have been standing next to him at this very moment.
For all Kris cared they might as well have been the strands of his hair that had fallen out of place - annoyingly hanging in his line of sight - as he continued to run his hand through his hair, or the plaid button up he kept tugging at with his mic hand when it rode up each time he inhaled. Annoying and irrelevant.
The only thing Kris cared about was breathing, or lack thereof. If he allowed his thoughts and emotions to seep into his being, to think about what his heart and head were screaming at him to consider, he might just pass out from forgetting to breathe - or losing the ability to.
It had almost happened earlier when Kris had left the closet numbly and gotten halfway to where he needed to be before collapsing on the floor, tearless and exhausted. Exhausted from the force of the orgasm that still had his knees shaking, exhausted from his best friend catching him jack off then storm out of the room, and most of all just plain exhausted from the countless number of emotions he’d ran through in the past hour.
Allison found Kris curled up against the wall, his knees tucked against his chest, arms acting as the only things keeping him from slumping over completely, and red, puffy lips murmuring silent things as he threw his head back against the wall repeatedly - not too hard, from what she could tell, but hard enough to inflict a decent amount of pain.
She stopped in her tracks, shell-shocked and speechless as she just observed him. His eyes were closed, and every time his head thumped loudly against the wall behind him, his lips formed the same breathless, barely audible word. Adam.
The word came as a bit of a shock to Allison. Yes, Adam and Kris were best friends - but she’d never seen Kris like this, not even over his divorce. He hadn’t looked like this when he and Katy fell apart, and Adam and Kris are just friends, right? Shit. She racked her brain quickly, mentally snatching up different sections and parts, then fit the pieces together like a giant, complicated puzzle. She’d always suspected the relationship between her two best friends to consist of more than just friendship, but she left it alone with all of their denying of a real ‘Kradam’ existing.
Kris opened his chocolate eyes suddenly when he heard a strangled gasp that Allison had released unawares. She was just staring at him, eyes questioning, mouth in a slight ‘o’ and posture rigid. He would have been humiliated had he been able to muster up enough emotion to act accordingly.
He didn’t even get the time to try, however, before the younger girl ran to him and lifted him up by his forearms - surprised at the ease that she did it with; he wasn’t exactly light. Kris stood awkwardly, his upper body sagging heavily, before putting his weight against the wall, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.
“Kris, look at me,” she spoke in an even tone, stern but comforting. Kris avoided the eyes he knew he couldn’t face. Between the scene backstage early, and how he was currently acting…And you can’t even pull yourself together long enough to call off a 17 year old girl. When he still didn’t meet her eyes, she repeated her statement again, this time shoving his shoulders back into the wall lightly.
Reluctantly he pulled his eyes to hers, and almost sobbed out loud when he observed the amount of warmth, of concern, that was there. He shook his head slowly, the brief action making his already throbbing head dizzy. Kris pleaded her with his eyes. He couldn’t do this. Not here, not now.
Allison reciprocated with a fierce nod of her head - an intense emotion in her eyes - and her lips pursed, as her flaming red curls bounced with the motion. She opened her mouth to speak, but Kris brought his finger to her lips shakily, and once again asked for silence with his eyes.
She wasn’t sure whether to grant his request or not - they were wasting time - he really needed to get on stage. Kris continued staring at her, before pushing off against the wall to wrap her figure into a warm, tight embrace that brought tears to her eyes.
Allison cautiously wrapped her own arms around his waist and tried not to let the tears fall into his neck where her head was tucked, the warmth and familiar scent of him washing over her. The roles had switched so abruptly, so suddenly, she was clueless as to what was happening now. He was comforting her, and she couldn’t fathom why.
Allison tried to pull away from Kris, but when he tightened his grip on her, burying his face even deeper into her magenta locks, she figured it was time for her to speak up. “Kris, you have to get on stage, you don’t even have time to go to your dressing room now.”
Kris was ignoring her though, and instead of a response he began humming. A simple, sweet noise that eventually turned into a familiar tune. It was the same tune that he sang during the top 3, the tune that everyone assumed was meant for his wife. Allison knew different. They had already been separated then, and it was meant for his best friend. Allison bit her lip to hold back a sob, and wrenched herself away from Kris - she didn’t even try to stop her tears.
Kris studied her face carefully for a few seconds, before cupping the side of it and using his thumb to wipe away her tears. It was something her dad used to do when she was younger and her breath hitched, broken, when he leaned in and kissed her cheek softly before turning and walking with quick, deliberate steps towards center stage.
Allison walked Adam halfway to the lift, before giving his arm a light squeeze and prancing off to where she was going to enter the stage. Adam halted to watch her retreating form - thick, long curls flouncing in her wake - before rounding the corner, eyes angled down enough for the brim of his cap to cover his face. He walked with slow, even steps and didn’t allow himself to look at the heartbreakingly beautiful man next to him as he stepped on the lift.
Adam was determined to completely ignore him, despite the fact that Kris was humming a slow, sweet melody that was tearing at Adam’s heart. His breath caught in his throat and he fought like hell to keep his emotions in check, just barely avoiding another meltdown - before he closed his eyes and concentrated on the screaming fans in the distance. They were the reason he was here, and there was no way in fuck he was going to let them down. Adam lifted his head up and stared straight ahead, jaw set and teeth clenched, as the lift ascended. He was adamant on ignoring the tune that Kris hummed the entire way up because if he allowed himself to hear the lyrics of Falling Slowly in his head…he wouldn’t make it through the performance.
Comments would be wonderful and Part 5 tomorrow! :D
Thanks for reading.