019.
private || unhackable:
I can't decide what's worse: remembering or not remembering. Lately I've been forgetting things. Points in time, people's faces. It's not like it suddenly started happening or anything, but ever since I came back here from home, I notice that there are things people tell me that I can't remember, and I have to wonder, can you really forget a face in just several months? Can you really forget what someone said to you if it was so important that they're bringing it up to you the moment you say something?
Maybe it's post-traumatic stress or something.
Is this what Zach felt like, what Lyle and Dad and Mom felt like whenever the Haitian took their memories? It's like asking if ignorance really is bliss. Would I feel better not knowing what I might turn into if I don't stop what I'm doing now?
I still want to hurt him. Knowing what I could become doesn't change that. I want to hurt him like he hurt me, and I want to make sure that he never hurts me or anyone else ever again like that. People like him don't deserve to have the opportunity and they don't get to have the benefit of the doubt or the explanation.
I just wish I knew if I was talking about Sylar or Mohinder.
Just like I wish I knew if I'll ever feel anything but completely numb ever again. That Jamie guy proved to me that I can still laugh, but it takes a lot. Am I wrong in not being the person that I used to be? Who is that girl, and where did she go?
I miss West. I miss Regulus.
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First of all, I... really want to apologize to all the people I was... pretty much the biggest bitch or weirdo on the face of any world to the other day. Obviously that's not who I am, and that's not what I'm about, and as frustrating as he can be sometimes, I definitely don't want to kill Peter Petrelli.
Maybe bore him to death or stuff him full of baked goods to death, but... definitely not kill in the raaaa stabby kind of way. Or gun kind of way, apparently. Since I had one of those. Side note: I don't know what I did with it, so don't ask, overprotective-parent-types of the City. I think I threw it away somewhere. Like under the bed.
On a happier note! I think that I'm going to be moving soon. Or we're going to be moving soon. If... Zach's okay with it. With Hiro! Since there's only three bedrooms in our old apartment and it's kind of dinky, I think we're looking for a bigger place which means... WE NEED MOVERS! ...eventually.
Come on? Please? Look at this face #:<.
Okay, okay, I promise to pay in baked goods and suck up for like a month.
On a closing note: I hope everyone's doing alright after that string of curses. Altered realities suck.