More self destructive introspective thoughts....
I wish things made sense to me; that I had control of my fate and really felt it; that I didn't have to cross illegal boundries to find what makes me happy; that what felt so natural didn't also feel so wrong; that I could break out of my personal prison and get what I deserve; that I wasn't so passive; that every moment of happiness was not followed by a deeper rut of depression; that I didn't have to sacrifice my integrity in favor of my happiness; that other people's affection did not fade through deceit; that I didn't think like this.