Parents
So one suspects when one reaches a certain age, one's parents will cease to be a bother. In my case, I had hoped either a fondness for my parents would have finally surfaced by this point in my life or my parents would mature enough so that we could at least learn to tolerate one another. But as I grow older, I find myself distancing more and more from the people who reared me. There are, of course, several reasons. But primary among these would certainly be that I feel my parents have sunk into this state of comfort with their lives and refuse to budge for any reason, regardless how sensible. This mayn't be a problem (dependent on the type of person you are), except that neither one of them leads very palatable lives. My father is without a job (though he's doing the census thing, so I suppose he is trying) and my mother, though she has a job, values money above her own family.
Of course, I suppose you could say that the reason my mother labors under such stress is because she loves her family and desires they have all they need. This is undoubtedly true. But love can be (and must needs be, in my book), prioritized. As a Christian, I believe it is God who comes first, FAMILY second, then all else is differentiated according to personality. My mother also believes that God should come first and claims that family should be second. However, actions speak far louder than words. Attitudes are easily discerned before an act is committed or a word spoken. Thus, my mother, though she loves her family dearly, lives as though she is in control of everyone's life within the house simply because she pays for everything. Were I in her position, I'd be tempted to go the same route.
Therefore, I find myself in the midst of a strange quandary.
Today I watched a close friend seized with pain and sorrow because she and her mother had finally fallen out. It was against her objections, but her mother (for reasons I cannot disclose) refused to hear her. She literally disowned her own daughter. Now, let's look at the daughter's life a bit. She's married to an awesome husband whose putting her through school and has three wonderful children who all attend private school. Her husband pretty much makes sure that she and their children are the happiest people on the planet, though he does run a tight ship. Tight, but not cruel. This same person's mother has always lived in a state of drudgery, her misery has almost always been her own fault due to her failure to relinquish hold of past emotional scarring. Though her life has been intense and unfair to a point, she has refused to grow beyond the pain caused her by various people in the past. Mind you, her daughter (my friend) was raised in a horrible household as a result, her first husband was absolutely disgraceful (in ways no man can describe), and only now--for about the past four years or so--has her life truly began looking up.
I thank God my mother has yet to turn on her children in such a manner. However, my mother's cruelty is far less explicit. She's hateful, bossy, sometimes revels in bullying her husband and sons despite the fact we too have been working (I'm an unpaid volunteer in a Pre-K/Kindergarten program at a private school and my brother's in school full-time). Now, amid all this my mother claims she wishes for her children to succeed and escape the life she's lived. Believe me, this is indeed our intention. But my brother and I find our course strained by the petty nature our mother maintains. Let me be reasonable: she has always liked to be in control. Even when her income wasn' t the singularly supplemental income, she still loved bossing us and our dad around. That's just in her nature. She does this in subtle ways, but this is her nature.
Couple that with the fact my brother and I are adults now, and I give you a ridiculous situation. This is what I meant parents changing throughout their children's growth. All our lives, we humans are forced to adjust to this and that, largely due to the fact that no man is an island. You will be affected by someone while you live on this planet. So, I can completely understand the mentality that says, "I'm older now, my children are grown, as soon as I get them out of the house, I can stay as I am and never change for anyone or any circumstance." Unfortunately, this is a poor attitude and will get you nowhere. To live in a box, to never venture far from what you know is the most dangerous setting in which to place yourself. I can't honestly say I hold well with people who refuse change.
Change is necessary. Learn to accept it, and your life will be spared added misery.
As I grow, I hope I continue to understand the importance of change. I hope that I always value it as I do now, and that I do not become stagnant and of ill service to both God and man. All I can say is that I hope my mom as well as my close friend's mother both realize that Christ yearns to CHANGE (there goes that word again) that poor attitude that resides within them. And don't get me wrong, I have things I need changed as well. We ALL do. None of us should parade around as if one is better than the other nor should any of us expect some sort of idyllic paradise to be the wellspring of any man's heart.
However, isn't it nice to meet that genuinely kind-spirited person who just inspires you to be the best you can be. THAT'S who I wanna be--because that's who Christ was.
Of course, I suppose you could say that the reason my mother labors under such stress is because she loves her family and desires they have all they need. This is undoubtedly true. But love can be (and must needs be, in my book), prioritized. As a Christian, I believe it is God who comes first, FAMILY second, then all else is differentiated according to personality. My mother also believes that God should come first and claims that family should be second. However, actions speak far louder than words. Attitudes are easily discerned before an act is committed or a word spoken. Thus, my mother, though she loves her family dearly, lives as though she is in control of everyone's life within the house simply because she pays for everything. Were I in her position, I'd be tempted to go the same route.
Therefore, I find myself in the midst of a strange quandary.
Today I watched a close friend seized with pain and sorrow because she and her mother had finally fallen out. It was against her objections, but her mother (for reasons I cannot disclose) refused to hear her. She literally disowned her own daughter. Now, let's look at the daughter's life a bit. She's married to an awesome husband whose putting her through school and has three wonderful children who all attend private school. Her husband pretty much makes sure that she and their children are the happiest people on the planet, though he does run a tight ship. Tight, but not cruel. This same person's mother has always lived in a state of drudgery, her misery has almost always been her own fault due to her failure to relinquish hold of past emotional scarring. Though her life has been intense and unfair to a point, she has refused to grow beyond the pain caused her by various people in the past. Mind you, her daughter (my friend) was raised in a horrible household as a result, her first husband was absolutely disgraceful (in ways no man can describe), and only now--for about the past four years or so--has her life truly began looking up.
I thank God my mother has yet to turn on her children in such a manner. However, my mother's cruelty is far less explicit. She's hateful, bossy, sometimes revels in bullying her husband and sons despite the fact we too have been working (I'm an unpaid volunteer in a Pre-K/Kindergarten program at a private school and my brother's in school full-time). Now, amid all this my mother claims she wishes for her children to succeed and escape the life she's lived. Believe me, this is indeed our intention. But my brother and I find our course strained by the petty nature our mother maintains. Let me be reasonable: she has always liked to be in control. Even when her income wasn' t the singularly supplemental income, she still loved bossing us and our dad around. That's just in her nature. She does this in subtle ways, but this is her nature.
Couple that with the fact my brother and I are adults now, and I give you a ridiculous situation. This is what I meant parents changing throughout their children's growth. All our lives, we humans are forced to adjust to this and that, largely due to the fact that no man is an island. You will be affected by someone while you live on this planet. So, I can completely understand the mentality that says, "I'm older now, my children are grown, as soon as I get them out of the house, I can stay as I am and never change for anyone or any circumstance." Unfortunately, this is a poor attitude and will get you nowhere. To live in a box, to never venture far from what you know is the most dangerous setting in which to place yourself. I can't honestly say I hold well with people who refuse change.
Change is necessary. Learn to accept it, and your life will be spared added misery.
As I grow, I hope I continue to understand the importance of change. I hope that I always value it as I do now, and that I do not become stagnant and of ill service to both God and man. All I can say is that I hope my mom as well as my close friend's mother both realize that Christ yearns to CHANGE (there goes that word again) that poor attitude that resides within them. And don't get me wrong, I have things I need changed as well. We ALL do. None of us should parade around as if one is better than the other nor should any of us expect some sort of idyllic paradise to be the wellspring of any man's heart.
However, isn't it nice to meet that genuinely kind-spirited person who just inspires you to be the best you can be. THAT'S who I wanna be--because that's who Christ was.