I've ben an adult for too long.
At the age of 19 I went in on a payment plan, to buy a house, with my Father. My Father is a hard working man, steadfast, trustworthy, and above all he loves me like it is the only thing he was meant to do with his life. My Father was unsure about it, he wouldn't be able to pay off the rest needed for the house by himself. He confided in me the option of us both paying it off, at the time I had a full time job and minimal expenses, so I pushed for the plan. I saw getting this house as his escape, his way to be happy and at piece. With my step-mother's declining health and issues my Father needed me more than ever. I had needed him all my life so really what was 5 years, a 5 year delay on being able to save up for school, nothing. I was more than strong enough to handle it to give my Father his peace. Then 2 years into this endeavor I was sexually assaulted at the place that I had worked for 4 years, I couldn't be there anymore. Sure there where the people who loved me there and where willing to help me work through but it didn't feel the same anymore, someone I had trusted as a friend had hurt me and I couldn't go back. Luckily enough I'm a thrifty sort of person and so for the few months that I hid at Goo's house, I was still able to help my Father with the house. Even after times this year of not so steady work I have managed to still keep it up. Then in early October I got a call from my Father that he had lost his job, surprisingly this wasn't truly bad news. It got even better, they gave him a severance package that enables him to pay off the rest of the house in one shot. I'm free, all the money I've managed to squirrel away for school can go to that. We just have to move everything to TN, well all my parent's things, my life is whittled down to 5 rubbermaid containers and my 7 drawers of clothes. The hardest part of this is going to be Goo. We've been together for 4 years now and we've been living together for a year. But he can't come along, he can't stand my step-mother and he has his own schooling to keep trudging through. I know that if I want it to work and I try that it most likely will, but I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose him, our friends, our plans like Burning Man. I feel too old for my skin, I always have really, and I want to be able to enjoy this time because I've always been "good". Living under an abusive mother I probably should be more reckless or rude or something but I bottle things up and put my head down and push along. I think it's because I know that there is none to help me but myself, I either do what I have to or it doesn't happen. I just wish I could stop and sleep a little while.