sorrow arrow on my clutch
Once in the morning, when I was in a rush to go work, she called me.
She told me of how goddamn hurt is her stomach that she cried hard.
I kept the receiver on my ear while my free hand grabbing stuffs.
She was stuttered. I had to repeat ‘pardon me’ for times.
At the night, she phoned me again, telling me that she can’t sleep.
‘My stomach is growing big again’ she said. And something pain crept on me, it slapped me so hard that I wish I can deny it.
The next night, almost at the same time, she phoned me again.
‘I don’t want to be lonely’ she hissed. So I talked to her for two hours.
‘I need to pee, Don’t hang up the phone’ then I wait.
Five minutes
Eight minutes
Ten minutes
Twelve minutes
‘Why she spend much time just for pee?’ I asked my self.
And the next night, she phoned me again. This time we had a long conversation, from 11 pm to 3 am.
‘You know what, yesterday I have an English exam. The theme is; what will you do if you know that tomorrow is your last day?’ She snorted ‘My friend wrote that they want to go to Paris, eat in fancy restaurant and blablabla. Fuck. I’m the one who’s sick here. My answer is simple; I want to finish my study, get married and have kids’
I was choked by invisible hand to hear it from her. ‘Fuck’, I cursed.
Then she excused for throw up, ‘don’t hang up the phone’.
What I heard is voices of… damn it! I fuckin heard how she fight to bear the pain!
Sometimes I heard her unsteady breath. ‘I have asthma’, she told me.
A month ago, or few weeks ago, I stayed at her rent room.
I witness how difficult for her to stand up after woke from sleep.
I witness how she swallowed those painkillers.
We chat about our old days. We chat about anything.
‘I don’t want to die’ she voiced it.
She voiced the sentence that I hate to hear.
I was speechless.
And this morning, right when I opened the message on my cell phone,
I screamed; ‘Mom, Runi passed away’
Runi Septiawati
Born November, 8th 1985
Dead February, 5th 2008
I don’t drop any tears, again,
But my heart is. And I don’t know how to wipe it…
I love you, I love so much..
I will miss you~
~acu_saree~
She told me of how goddamn hurt is her stomach that she cried hard.
I kept the receiver on my ear while my free hand grabbing stuffs.
She was stuttered. I had to repeat ‘pardon me’ for times.
At the night, she phoned me again, telling me that she can’t sleep.
‘My stomach is growing big again’ she said. And something pain crept on me, it slapped me so hard that I wish I can deny it.
The next night, almost at the same time, she phoned me again.
‘I don’t want to be lonely’ she hissed. So I talked to her for two hours.
‘I need to pee, Don’t hang up the phone’ then I wait.
Five minutes
Eight minutes
Ten minutes
Twelve minutes
‘Why she spend much time just for pee?’ I asked my self.
And the next night, she phoned me again. This time we had a long conversation, from 11 pm to 3 am.
‘You know what, yesterday I have an English exam. The theme is; what will you do if you know that tomorrow is your last day?’ She snorted ‘My friend wrote that they want to go to Paris, eat in fancy restaurant and blablabla. Fuck. I’m the one who’s sick here. My answer is simple; I want to finish my study, get married and have kids’
I was choked by invisible hand to hear it from her. ‘Fuck’, I cursed.
Then she excused for throw up, ‘don’t hang up the phone’.
What I heard is voices of… damn it! I fuckin heard how she fight to bear the pain!
Sometimes I heard her unsteady breath. ‘I have asthma’, she told me.
A month ago, or few weeks ago, I stayed at her rent room.
I witness how difficult for her to stand up after woke from sleep.
I witness how she swallowed those painkillers.
We chat about our old days. We chat about anything.
‘I don’t want to die’ she voiced it.
She voiced the sentence that I hate to hear.
I was speechless.
And this morning, right when I opened the message on my cell phone,
I screamed; ‘Mom, Runi passed away’
Runi Septiawati
Born November, 8th 1985
Dead February, 5th 2008
I don’t drop any tears, again,
But my heart is. And I don’t know how to wipe it…
I love you, I love so much..
I will miss you~
~acu_saree~