musesandlyrics | 8.5. The Tudors quote

[actuallybye]

8.5. "You think you know a story, but you only know how it ends. To get to the heart of the story, you have to go back to the beginning."
The Tudors

Co-written with lyricalembrace

Xander Harris was not cool. He knew it, and he had embraced it years ago. He was comfortable with his geekiness. He was comfortable with the fact he had owned a Hawaiian shirt and not a red silk one. He was even comfortable that he had no idea who Edward Cullen was. As far as he was concerned, it was enough to know that even Buffy didn't feel particularly drawn to that vampire - fictional, or not. He had always preferred comics and comfort over attempting to squeeze himself into leather pants.

So when he decided to check out the club Airlie played at, he'd quizzed Buffy extensively over what it was like. Even if it meant digging her out a sudden malaise she was getting lost in. He got the fact that the Frenchman had left, but he couldn't see why Buffy was so down about it when she hadn't even gotten together with him. Xander had had foreplay with Airlie. There had been an intent to have sex on both sides. Then he'd gotten sick and had a fight with her. Xander had more right to brood than Buffy.


It had made his heart sink to find out the club was Gothic, and no doubt filled with cool Scots that Xander would stand out in. He'd dressed in the darkest clothes he'd had in his wardrobe which just made him look like Nick Fury from Iron Man only not Samuel L. Jackson cool. It also made him feel more like he was on a mission than trying to find a woman he was finding himself missing more and more as the days went. He could have kicked himself repeatedly for his stupid behaviour after their near night together. Even if he still struggled to know why the fight had even happened.

As soon as Xander was in the club he just felt like an intruder. Everyone was beautiful, and glam and Goth. He stayed up on the second level so he could stick to the cover of a pillar and watch Airlie from a vantage point he hoped she wouldn't see him. She was amazing. On stage she seemed even more alive than when he was talking to her, and if Xander hadn't fallen hard before, he was definitely faceplanting the ground now with the force of the growing crush.

It was a busy night, the bar having a reputation for the evening crowd to grow even more during the Festival season in Edinburgh. Tourists liked to stay out late, and Airlie always picked up more work during these times. It was fine with her, it was a good distraction from all the crap in her life... or non-life, rather. Music helped her forget what she was, and why she was what she was. More and more lately, she was cursing the ground the fucker who Embraced her walked on, even if she had loved him with her whole heart and soul. He slipped, and she more than knew how it felt to slip. It was probably why she was so conscious of it herself, and pulled back on Xander before anything could get out of hand. It didn't stop the lust, though. It didn't stop the hunger.

She sensed him as soon as he was there, drawing to the end of her set. But she didn't let on, not until she reached the end of her song and her eyes slipped from the piano keys in front of her to turn to the second level of the bar above. With the spotlights on her, though, it was hard to see much up there. She had been at it for a couple of hours now, so she was due a break, and after a brief conversation with her colleague who was taking the stage now, she disappeared from the spotlights during her applause. She came up behind Xander once she was upstairs, watching him looking down at the lower level. She was a vampire, afterall, she had speed and agility on her side, as well as the knack for being dead silent in approaching people. Her fingers touched the pendant around her neck as she debated whether she should even say anything, or just keep her distance. It was impossible to ignore him, though. "Dinnae stalkers carry binoculars?" she asked, leaning close to his ear from behind.

Xander reached out to grip the railing as he heard her voice, trying hard not to squeal or wet himself from fright. Even after years by Buffy's side, he could still get caught by surprise. He turned his head enough to be able to see that it was Airlie behind him before he let out a rush of air and held his other hand to his heart. "Are you some kind of sexy Scottish ninja? It's not nice to sneak up on someone, you know. Even if they are stalking you. And for the record, binoculars are kind of visionist. I've only got the one working eye, so I'd probably more need a small telescope and that just looks a little too suspicious."

Airlie had on a long emerald green raw silk strapless dress. It was her favourite colour, her parents dressing her in a lot of green ever since she was wee because it complimented her eyes. She looked down at herself and then met his eyes again. "Pretty sure ninjas dinnae opt for evening gowns on account of them being all... ninjaey," she replied with a small shrug of her slender shoulder. "Even Lara Croft didnae wear a skirt. I'm also nay the one hiding behind pillars, even if they are very fine pillars. I was quite convinced you would never step foot into this place..."

"Never underestimate a man with a patch," Xander said as he pointed to the eye-patch and turned to face her properly. His jaw slackened a little before he cleared his throat and waved his hand at her. "You look more gorgeous than any ninja ever could. Black's highly overrated anyway. Green is very much your colour. You should... You're wearing the pendant," he said as his gaze fixed on the thistle nestled against her throat. "Me and the pillar have an understanding. It's strictly a platonic relationship. I wasn't sure if you'd appreciate me just crashing your space."

Airlie's hand went back to her throat and her fingers closed around the pendant almost defensively, like she was expecting him to remember what happened that night and steal it back when he realised how much of a fraud she was. She was hit with an overwhelming urge to come clean, but with so many people around, the words faltered before they came out and she cleared her throat. "It's beautiful, why wouldnae I be wearing it?" she murmured. "I did invite you, I just thought... doesnae matter. I think too much."

Xander couldn't help but flash her a lopsided grin. "That makes too of us. Just sometimes the thoughts aren't always finished when they start spewing out of my mouth. And I wasn't sure if you'd wear it or not after... Well, the fight. I really am sorry about that morning, Airlie. You took care of me after I passed out on you, and then I just stick my foot in it. You didn't deserve it."

"Aye, I did. I did. I havenae been entirely honest with you..." Airlie admitted and wet her lips. She fought the urge to hug herself like some sort of protective shield and glanced around, still feeling like she was in the spotlights. "I just cannae tell you why here. There's too many people, tourists, Edinburgh's riddled with them at this time of year."

Xander nodded and reached out to take her hand. "Then let's get out of this place before someone thinks I'm a really bad undercover cop trying to do a drug bust. You were amazing, by the way. Your playing. I've never seen anything like it."

It was probably a good thing that Kindred didn't have the ability to get nauseous like a human, because right then she knew she would be if she could be, just out of anxiety about coming clean to him. In fact, she was suddenly terrified again, considering his Slayer link, and she balked. She couldn't help it. "I... I... thank you," she stammered, hating the dress choice for having no pockets that she could bury her hands in. "Where are we going?" she asked.

Xander blinked. "Um, I didn't actually get that far in the thinking. I assumed you had some place in mind," he admitted with a nervous chuckle. "That time my brain let me down thanks to underthinking. First time for everything, huh? Where do you want to go?"

Airlie just looked at him for a few lingering moments. She didn't want to take him back to her place. She was scared she couldn't completely trust him, despite the fact he had been there before. Before, when they had argued over vampire murderers and Airlie took it to heart. No matter how she tried to look at it, she knew she wouldn't have reacted any differently. She couldn't be tolerant of people who wanted to kill her. "Maybe a hotel," she suggested.

Xander gave a nod. "Sure, sure... okay. Hotel." He really shouldn't have expected her to invite him back to her place again. He probably wouldn't have wanted him in his house after the argument either. The hotel wasn't telling him anything, though. He didn't know what that meant. But she was still talking to him, and she hadn't pulled away from his hand yet. "I passed one a couple blocks away from here. It's not the flash one near the castle, but I think it at least has privacy."

Airlie gave a small laugh and shook her head. "I cannae afford the flash one near the Castle. Always wanted to stay there since I was wee because it looked so glamorous and beautiful, but that's the beauty aboot Edinburgh. You can get the same beauty in wee little places for probably an eighth of the price. Hidden Edinburgh is where the beauty really lies. Places tourists will never even touch, like. I miss--" She managed to cut herself off before she finished the thought. She was going to say she missed seeing it in the sunlight. "I miss having the time to really enjoy it," she finally added. "Just let me get my coat and my bag, and then we can head oot." She glanced at her watch, checking the time. There was still a few hours until the early Scottish summer sunrise. Scotland was a bitch for Kindred in the summer. It stayed light until nine or ten at night, and was light again around four am. It was lucky she had a good DVD player.

Xander arched an eyebrow. "You gotta be somewhere else? I can wait. This can wait if you have more important things to do." He watched her for a moment before he gave a slight tug on her hand. "Hey, let me pay, okay? I'll slurge on the 'flash one near the Castle' if it's something you've always wanted. I still want to make up for being such a douche. I don't often use the word, but I think it is totally valid right now. But if you just wanna go somewhere secluded, that's okay with me too." He bit his lip when he realised he was working up to a ramble. "I'll just meet you outside. Think about the hotel offer, okay?"

Airlie watched him go, heading down the stairs. She turned back to head to the staff area to collect her things, putting her hand up to her mouth and pressing her fingers to her lips when an urge to feed from him hit her again. This was really going to take a lot of inner strength and self-control. Or maybe she needed something to get her through the urges. She took a detour into the ladies room and hovered at the sink for a moment, watching a couple of women come and go. When a woman in a long blue dress came in alone, Airlie flashed her a hint of a smile. The woman didn't really have a chance to realise anything was going on before Airlie pounced on her and pulled her into the last cubicle of the row. She fed quickly, trying to take in as much as she could just to the point of the woman passing out. It was a struggle to pull back, but she managed it, licking her lips before tracing her tongue over the two puncture marks on the woman's throat. A glance in the mirror indicated Airlie had a renewed glow to her features and hopefully she could pass it off to make up if Xander noticed. She exited the club, stepping out onto the Edinburgh sidewalk and her heals clicking softly on the stone. "I cannae let you pay for that hotel," she admitted as she came up beside him. The urge to throw him against the wall was gone... for now. "It's really expensive. Sean Connery has even stayed there. James Bond himself."

"James Bond? I always did love Connery as Bond... Daniel Craig's not bad, but it's the buff blond thing. There's only room for one blonde Buffy in my life." He cringed even as her name escaped his mouth, realising all too late that mentioning a person they'd had a fight over wasn't a smart move. But then Buffy was his best friend. He couldn't not talk about her. He cleared his throat as he offered her his arm. She really was gorgeous, even more so out of the club. He could barely take his eye off her. The wait for her had been agony, Xander spending the time thinking about nothing but the foreplay they'd engaged in and then finishing what they'd started at some point. He wanted Airlie more than anything. "So scratch that hotel. Just lead me to something that isn't shaken, or stirred."

Airlie stopped walking on the street corner, both roads desserted. All the nightlife must be inside and she just couldn't take it anymore. She turned to him, and her green eyes locked on his intensely. "I have to tell you something," she told him, her voice coming out just a little like a purr when her emotions started to get short-circuited again. It happened. She could find herself crossing anger with passion, or nerves with lust. It was all part of trying to find her Kindred feet. You had to even learn how to feel a different way, not just learn how to walk in a difference physical body. She lifted her chin a little, looking over his features in the pool of light from the street lamp above. Taking his hand, she pulled him into the shadows by the wall of a little tartan shop and her fingertips traced over the contours of his cheek and jaw. It would be so easy to just lean in and claim him. She didn't, though. "It wasnae just foreplay that night."

Xander's mind was still creating a lot of wild fantasies, but where in his mind he was going to be the strong and forceful one getting her up against a wall, he found that Airlie was definitely the one in charge. Even with that little purr thing she did. "Are you Catwoman?" he found himself blurting out, and really did smack his hand against his forehead this time. "I'm sorry. I read a lot of comics as a kid. Sometimes still do. My mind goes weird places." He looked down at her and tried not to appear too confused as she continued. "I know, I got sick. So there was a whole looking after me scenario that shouldn't have happened."

Airlie quirked a cynical eyebrow at him. "Do I look like I like cats?" she asked with a hint of annoyance in her tone. She felt like banging her head against the wall in frustration. He wasn't going to make this easy for her at all. Rory would have probably been onto it right away, niggling away at her for more info. He had a weird knack for putting his finger on things that pissed her off sometimes. She hoped the French chick who wanted in his knickers was getting a taste of that and it wasn't just all Airlie. Instead, she had to work her way around Xander and she was starting to get more and more worried he would run off into the sunset screaming... or pull a stake on her. Which would be annoying, and lead to even more questions. She shook her head slowly. "Nay, laddie. That's nay what I meant. More than foreplay..." She held his gaze, wondering how blatant she was going to need to be. She had a feeling she might be needing to spell it all out for him.

Xander held her gaze as he listened. And then stared. He wasn't a complete idiot and when he stopped his mind from working overtime long enough to let her meaning sink in, his eye went wide and he pointed at her briefly before he pointed at himself and then back at her. "But I don't remember it! And that sucks. It really, really sucks. Was I bad? Drunk?" He frowned as he continued to look at her. "I'd remember if I had se--Thrall! You thralled me! You made with the thrall and now I can't remember... I can't believe I fell for that again. Why does everyone just assume they can manipulate my mind and not realise that I might actually care?!" He took a breath, but he didn't run away. Mostly because he still wasn't sure why she'd done the mind wipe. "Was it that bad?"

Airlie got a little pissy then and threw her hand up with a frown. "What the feck is a fecking thrall?!" she snapped, shooting him a glare. "Stop talking in Yank, you're going to give me a freaking headache! Whatever that is I obviously didnae make with it because I dinnae know what it fecking is! Was what bad? No. Why are you assuming it was bad? Did you have erectile issues in the past or something, because you're really annoying with the insecurity sometimes, you know. Make a lassie feel like she is all stupid for even trying!"

"I don't mean to make you feel stupid," Xander replied quietly as he sobered up. "I'm just not used to women like you wanting a guy like me. You're amazing. You're beautiful, you're talented. You're Scottish. It just takes some adjusting, Airlie. I'm sorry. No more Yank, I promise. Well, just a little Yank. I don't think you'll appreciate my Connery impression. Okay, so not thrall. But I don't remember what happened after the foreplay, so I'm just trying to understand here."

Airlie sobered too and she wet her lips, putting her hand up to tug on her lower one. "That's why I need to talk to you... tell you. But before I do, I just want to get oot of the way that I'm nay Catwoman, or Wonder Woman, or Batgirl, or any of the X-Men or even Lara Croft. Just so we're clear," she said with a nod, hoping that would at least halt anymore comic book references. It wasn't like she was old Kindred. She knew modern times because she came from modern times, and her ex was into comic books and the like. "I made you forget, but nay that thing you said. I had to make you forget. I panicked. I didnae want to, but I had to."

Xander reached out reflexively to rest his hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, hey. It's okay. Whatever it is, I won't judge. I've seen a lot of things over my short time. You can just tell me, okay? I mean, it must have been serious for you to have just wanted to make me forget. But you panicked, and I guess I get that. What happened?"

"This happened..." Airlie murmured and glanced up at him as she grabbed his wrist. She held his gaze just for two beats before she put his wrist to her lips and bit down, piercing the flesh with her fangs, her green eyes falling closed as his blood filled her mouth and rushed over her tongue. He tasted so sweet. Nothing had compared in the wake of feeding from him. She couldn't help herself. She just needed a little bit more before he walked away from her and never looked back.

Xander watched transfixed, the panic inside him giving way to unabashed fascination. He had hung around with a few vampires in his time, but none of them had fed on him. And none of them had looked the way Airlie had looked. Then the feeling of euphoria started to slip over him, and he was sure he was dying. Nothing was supposed to feel this good, how could it? "Airlie..." he gasped out and reached for her with his other hand.

As much as she wanted to keep going, she didn't want him unconscious. She had slipped last time, she didn't want it to happen again. There was a strength inside her that she drew on to pull back... a want to never end up being like the man who did this to her. She never wanted to Embrace someone against their will and that is what had her so intent on trying to control herself. She lifted her head, swallowing as she licked her lips, her red hair tumbling down her back as she kept a firm grip on his wrist with both hands. Her eyes were still hungry when they met his, but her tongue darted out and she slowly swept it over the wounds on his wrist and they healed over immediately. She rose up and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips and then her tongue trailed across his lips.

Xander initiated the kiss before his mind even caught up with what he was doing, so many emotions at play that he didn't even know which one he was supposed to process first. Buffy was the one always falling for vampires. Xander was the demon magnet. And for once he was actually glad of it. He'd never met anyone like the redhead in front of him, and he couldn't help but be a little proud that she seemed to want his blood above any others. But after a moment he pulled away, and just looked at her as his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. "Wait... please... I just need a sec here."

Airlie took a step away from him so she was out of his personal space. She couldn't help still watching him like she wanted more, though. Her green eyes had changed with the hunger and she drew her lower lip in between her teeth while her fingers brushed restlessly back and forth across the silk of her dress at her sides. "I'm nay like others," she offered quietly. Rory had told her that Buffy and the Slayers knew nothing of Kindred, and it had placated her just a little in fleeing Scotland completely. He had assured her she would be safest here and he really would protect her. That didn't mean it made her any less nervous what Xander was caught up with, she just couldn't help her hunger and attraction for him. From the moment she had met him, she had a lust for him. She just never thought it was anything beyond a curiosity to play with something forbidden.

"I figured out that much," Xander murmured as he reached up to run his fingers through his hair as he stared down at the other wrist that should have been bloody and featuring tell tale fang marks. But there was nothing. "So, you... after we... I don't understand why you made me forget. Did I want it? Did I... like it?" He was looking at her again, and saw the change in her eyes. There was a silver tinge to them and he involuntarily shuddered. He couldn't help but just be a little intimidated. Vampires were still strong, beautiful, undead. And of course they had that hunger for blood, and Airlie really did seem to have a taste for his blood. "Because I'm not reacting how I thought I would," he admitted.

Airlie looked up at the sky to the moon and the stars, trying to guage how much longer it would be until the sun started to peak. Her watch told her a few hours, but she still got nervous about making it inside in time. "How did you think you would react?" she asked, looking back to him as she started to play with the ends of her long, red hair. She needed something to do with her hands to stop her reaching for him again when he needed the space. "You wanted it. You knew you wanted it when we started. But I lost control. I'm a... I'm young. I sometimes struggle to distinguish between hunger and passion when I get... emotional. I lost control and I drained you. That's when I panicked. I'm sorry I panicked... I'm nay sorry I fed from you."

Xander took a step towards her before he pulled her into a hug and just held her against his chest as he rest his chin on the top of her head. He couldn't stand her looking so restless, it was making him even more nervous. Of course he knew he risked the chance of probably getting bitten again. A strange part of him did like it. He didn't fully understand the why. He'd spent so long determined that no vampire would want his blood even if he'd always made jokes about being moist and delicious. "Why aren't you sorry you fed from me?"

He had avoided her question and she tried not to let that annoy her. But the way he was holding her, his throat was just inches away from her lips and she reached up to tease her fingers across his pulse point, feeling like there was almost an electricty of temptation there. "Because I wanted it..." she purred and licked her lips. "I needed to. It wasnae enough... I needed more, I had to have more," she said and then she had to pull away and hold her hands up when she nearly just did it, nearly breached that gap with her lips just to taste him again. "Please, just dinnae... I can control it, I just need to concentrate on it."

Xander gave a nod and tucked his hands in his pockets as he looked at her again. "Okay. I won't. Sorry. This is all new for me too, you know. I've been demon catnip before but never... How young are you? Vampire wise, I mean." Goosebumps had broken out across his skin after he'd felt her fingers on his pulse point and he gave another shudder before he pulled his mouth to the side. "Before, when you asked how I thought I'd react? I figured there might have been some screaming, maybe a little running away. But it's you, and I like you, Airlie. I do. I've loved a vengeance demon when she was both a former and a current. Vampires have never been high up on my list because of Buffy's exes. It's nothing to do with you. Really. You're... still amazing. Just insatiable," he added with a lopsided smile to show he meant it teasingly.

"Living with an army of vampire murderers, would you really have reason to be scared?" Airlie asked, raising her eyebrow a little in question. She started to pace slowly back and forth in front of him, her heels clicking softly on the cobblestones of the side street. "A wee bit over a year. So... the equivalent of, say, if someone shoved you in the pilot's seat of the concord and told you to fly it for ten years non-stop with nay training? That's a wee bit of how I feel right now. Compared to your lifespan, I've been like this maybe barely a few minutes. That is how my brain is trying to cope. Imagine waking up from a deep sleep thinking and feeling like you are someone and something completely different that you dinnae understand at all. Only everything you knew before? You cannae rely on. It doesnae work. It'll never work again."

"They scare the shit out of me. Never get between ten girls and one of the few bathrooms in a castle. It's just asking to be trampled." Xander was trying to joke about it, but he still knew that the Slayerettes were a touchy subject. "Buffy's... She's been rethinking what the plan is with them. Just so you know. It sounded like she'd been talking to you, but I guess it wasn't you since you hate her and all. She'd never hurt you, though. She's actually pretty good at discerning which vampires to murder. You also know that she's part of the package, right? And a redheaded witch. And a British guy. They're my friends. Buffy and Willow are my best friends. So you can't escape her completely. You're telling me about what you are, so I'm assuming you need it off your very, very nice chest so everything's out on the table, yeah? Because you... do you want me? Want an us? Because Buffy's my condition. I'm not going to stop being friends with her." He wanted to reach out and touch her again, but this time it was Xander respecting the fact that Airlie needed the space. "I can't even imagine what it's like for you. I was possessed by the spirit of a hyena demon thing before, but never been a vampire. I'm sure it's stupid of me, but I'm not going anywhere, okay? I've never been one to reject a girl because of her supernatural qualities."

Airlie growled softly and paused in her pacing to shoot him an intense glare. "Did I tell you to stop being friends with her?" she snapped. She held her hand up, really not wanting to hear right now about all the positives of Buffy. That was something she would need more time to get used to at her own pace. Rory was a Hunter, but he had never particularly been focused on vampires. Plus, she knew she could trust him and he would protect her. She didn't know that of Xander, and definitely didn't know that of Buffy. He could stand here and talk until he was blue in the face, but she needed proof she could trust him. Until then, she wouldn't be able to help being on her guard. "Right now, I want to slap you stupid for laying out conditions when I'm trying to explain things to you. Are you purposefully trying to piss me off? This is my issue, not Buffy's. She more than has an adequate source of Kindred information, and she would have to be a complete idiot to piss him off. You want to know what my condition is? Just quit talking about her for five minutes. Excuse me for being a fecking vampire who doesnae want to constantly hear about vampire Slayers! How would you like me to be belting on aboot a bunch of chicks who have taken it upon themselves to decide to kill everyone who wears eye patches, huh? It would piss you off too! Hallelujah for her having awesome vampire discerning new plans. Throw a party and get matching t-shirts! But just for tonight, can I please nay hear aboot her while I try and help you understand? I dinnae care if Buffy understands, all I care is if you do. But if you cannae do anything without her opinion or permission, then this ends right here, right now. I'll walk away and you'll never see me again, because seriously, it sounds like she well has you by the short and curlies. This isnae aboot needing bullshit off my chest, Xander! This is what I am. And I'm gonna keep being what I am for a lot longer than you will even walk this earth. Cold, harsh truth, but truth all the same."

"What's a Kindred?" Xander asked her, starting the clock on the five minutes. He hadn't realised he'd spoken about Buffy that much, but considering he'd spent so much time with her over the years maybe it was hard not to talk about her. He was also only trying to help Airlie understand that she wasn't in any danger from Buffy, or the Slayers. Or him. He'd let her feed from him and hadn't said a goddamn word. He hadn't told her not to, just told her he needed a moment after it had happened. He also wasn't about to ask her what she did want from him in case she growled at him again.

"I'm Kindred," Airlie replied quietly. A confused and scared frown had come to rest on her features again and she hugged herself, looking down at the cobbles at their feet. She was still feeling like this was a bad idea. She felt like a small kitten facing the big wide scary world of vultures out there and she had no idea how to shake it. Xander was the second person she had ever told about this. There were other Kindred who knew, those her Sire had introduced her to in the wake of her Embrace so she wasn't entirely alone in the city. Her boss at the club was Kindred, and it helped her find her feet in the world, but that didn't mean she wasn't still scared. "A race of vampire. We dinnae call ourselves that. Nay really, because we arenae like the others. We dinnae get turned, we get Embraced... drawn into a new bloodline. We live among humans, we exist with them to survive."

Xander was frowning as he followed along, realising now why he was caught off guard finding out she was a vampire. Kindred. He was also beginning to realise why they'd never heard of them before. Clearly they worked hard to keep themselves concealed. Airlie was revealing herself to Xander though, and that had to be huge for her. He placed his hand on her shoulder before moving it up to cup her face. "I'm still not going anywhere."

Airlie was still scared, but she was trying to shake it. She wanted more than anything to be able to trust Xander like she did Rory. She wanted him to protect her, she just had no way of knowing if he could. She looked up at him, her eyes shining in the light from the lamp. "I was Embraced against my will," she admitted in a whisper. "This shouldnae be me. I want to be me again."

Xander moved in closer again, and kept one hand cupped against her jaw as the slipped around her waist and he rubbed his hand against her back. "Is there any way to reverse it? To make you you again? So... I take it getting Embraced isn't something that gets done without consent. That's something. A lot of the other vampires... They're definitely made against their will."

Airlie gave a slight laugh, but her face fell again as she shook her head. "I'm dead. You should know that much," she reminded him, even if she appreciated the fact he was trying to help. "My heart doesnae beat, I dinnae breathe..." She pointed to her chest, indicating that she wasn't inhaling or exhaling. She still did, though. It was a ruse she was taught to keep up, if she could manage it. She shook her head. "No, no... it's the worst crime of our kind to Embrace against will. It is punishable with death. But I... I covered for my Sire. It was an accident, he lost control. I said I wanted it to save his life."

Xander pressed his lips together for a moment as something flared up inside him. He wasn't sure if it was anger, or possessiveness. It was an odd feeling. Part of him was definitely angry that Airlie had been Embraced against her will, even if they guy had 'lost control'. The other part of him wasn't sure what this Sire would mean to her. He knew only a little about the relationship between vampire and sire, but he had to wonder if it was different to Kindred. "Are you with him?"

"No. I was, when it happened. But after that, I just... I wanted to kill him. It was something I couldnae control, and even though I'll always love him, the passion and the romance were gone. He took away my innocence and that's something I couldnae ever forgive him for. We're still in contact, but it was better that I wasnae in his presence. He worked with Rory to teach him all about Kindred and help him understand, and then he left. Rory's all I've had ever since it happened," Airlie told him and found the emotion take her by surprise and a single tear of blood dripped down her cheek.

"Okay, good. Because I'm not sure I'm really supposed to be duelling it out with Kindred over your honour. Kinda defeats showing you that I'm not a murderer." Xander brushed away the tear with the backs of his fingers and held her gaze. He'd never seen blood tears before, but it made sense when a vampire's bodily fluid was blood. It was what they fed on. It made his mind go to a gross place with another thought, but he didn't bring it up to ruin the moment. "He's not all you have now."

As difficult as it was, Airlie knew she had to take a high ground here. She held his gaze for a long time and then gave her head a small shake. "You have to understand what you're saying with that. You have to go away and really think aboot what all this means because I need all or nothing. I'm still so young, I'm still learning myself... and there are sacrifices. You need to know, Xander, and dinnae tell me right now that you do. You havenae had time to really know for sure."

Xander held up a hand as he looked at her. "But what's the all? What are you actually asking of me? I need to know some of what I have to think about, don't I?" He wasn't going to be dumb enough to say that he knew. He didn't. He understood that she was Kindred. He understood there was going to be a lot of blood related activities. He also knew that even if she was a vampire, Airlie had already made a mark on him.

Airlie lifted her chin and held his gaze. "Ask Buffy. I guarantee, one hundred percent, that she knows... she gets it. Ask her," she prompted quietly.

He gave a slight nod before he dropped his gaze to his shoes, wondering if he really did want to ask Buffy. He also got the feeling that this was going to be it for the night. He was going to have to go away and think about everything before Airlie would let him near her again. Xander wasn't sure how long that would take, he wasn't even sure what exactly was going through his mind as he closed the gap completely and caught her lips in a kiss. He did know that he needed it. He needed something before he had to forego seeing her again.

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