28. in which Donny writes a bitchy open letter to Santa.
Dear Santa. Admiral. Whichever you are.
I recently found this book in the library. Let me share with you, Santa, and you as well, Barge. It's called There's No Such Thing as a Chanukah Bush, Sandy Goldstein. It a heartwarming tale about being Jewish during Christmastime, featuring a curious little girl, a wise grandfather, and acceptance. Awh, see? Heartwarming. You see, Santa, this story's got a moral, and it boils down to this: there are lots and lots of different ways to practice your faith. Sandy Goldstein and her family had a Christmas tree, which they called a Chanukah bush (even though there's no such thing, if you'd refer back to the title there), and it's fine for them and all. Sandy Goldstein and her family can practice her faith how they like, but it doesn't work for everyone.
Santa, if you are Santa and not the Admiral, don't you know that sharing you faith is great, but being forced to take part in something is wrong? You shouldn't take advice from the Admiral, buddy - that guy and this boat forces us do stuff all the time and we hate them both for it. I'd gladly share Christmas with everyone, just like I've shared my holidays with people before, but my family doesn't believe in Chanukah bushes. I'm Jewish. I should not be writing to you right now.
Sorry if this sounds rude, Santa. I'm sure you're a great guy and all. No hard feelings, right? Take care of my friends and don't leave coal (or whatever it is) for them.
Sincerely,
Donny Donowitz
p.s. If this is you, Admiral, stopping over in Germany during Christmas time was kind of a slap in the face. Just so you know, you asshole.
[Kitchen-Wardens Filter:]
My inmate wants to help in the kitchen, though to be more specific, he wants to help cure meat. For all the violence and general creepiness, the guy really is a skilled butcher. Now I can understand if you don't want him back in your kitchen - I can't really blame you after everything he's done, but I think he deserves a chance to actually do something useful with his trade.
I can't imagine it being anything more than a once in a while type thing. I recommend maybe setting something up outside of the kitchen, in between shifts so he doesn't get in your way and so he doesn't bother anyone. I'd supervise, of course - I wouldn't let him out of my sight, and he wouldn't be allowed access to any knives.
Let me know what you think.
[Private to Costigan:]
Thanks helping me out back there when I was losing my mind. Things could have gotten a lot worse if you hadn't calmed me down.
I recently found this book in the library. Let me share with you, Santa, and you as well, Barge. It's called There's No Such Thing as a Chanukah Bush, Sandy Goldstein. It a heartwarming tale about being Jewish during Christmastime, featuring a curious little girl, a wise grandfather, and acceptance. Awh, see? Heartwarming. You see, Santa, this story's got a moral, and it boils down to this: there are lots and lots of different ways to practice your faith. Sandy Goldstein and her family had a Christmas tree, which they called a Chanukah bush (even though there's no such thing, if you'd refer back to the title there), and it's fine for them and all. Sandy Goldstein and her family can practice her faith how they like, but it doesn't work for everyone.
Santa, if you are Santa and not the Admiral, don't you know that sharing you faith is great, but being forced to take part in something is wrong? You shouldn't take advice from the Admiral, buddy - that guy and this boat forces us do stuff all the time and we hate them both for it. I'd gladly share Christmas with everyone, just like I've shared my holidays with people before, but my family doesn't believe in Chanukah bushes. I'm Jewish. I should not be writing to you right now.
Sorry if this sounds rude, Santa. I'm sure you're a great guy and all. No hard feelings, right? Take care of my friends and don't leave coal (or whatever it is) for them.
Sincerely,
Donny Donowitz
p.s. If this is you, Admiral, stopping over in Germany during Christmas time was kind of a slap in the face. Just so you know, you asshole.
[Kitchen-Wardens Filter:]
My inmate wants to help in the kitchen, though to be more specific, he wants to help cure meat. For all the violence and general creepiness, the guy really is a skilled butcher. Now I can understand if you don't want him back in your kitchen - I can't really blame you after everything he's done, but I think he deserves a chance to actually do something useful with his trade.
I can't imagine it being anything more than a once in a while type thing. I recommend maybe setting something up outside of the kitchen, in between shifts so he doesn't get in your way and so he doesn't bother anyone. I'd supervise, of course - I wouldn't let him out of my sight, and he wouldn't be allowed access to any knives.
Let me know what you think.
[Private to Costigan:]
Thanks helping me out back there when I was losing my mind. Things could have gotten a lot worse if you hadn't calmed me down.