(even if i'm soft-spoken) please understand me (extra)
pairing: kaisoo
rating: pg
summary: Kyungsoo finds that the ever-silent, tattooed, and pierced Jongin isn't all that he seems to be
warnings: fluff, amusementpark!au, mentions of social anxiety
It was only one month into their relationship when Kyungsoo really saw the extent of Jongin’s stress from his anxiety. Of course, he always knew that living with such a thing had to be a heavy burden, but other than when they initially met, Kyungsoo had never seen Jongin actually crack under pressure. He didn’t know much about Jongin’s family. Kyungsoo knew that Jongin didn’t like his parents a lot because they weren’t as understanding, but he never knew just how much they broke Jongin’s heart.
Just as he always was on Saturday nights, the raven-haired man was lounging on his couch, watching another anime that Junmyeon had suggested to him. It wasn’t too great, all hardcore dramatic fight scenes, but Kyungsoo could see why it appealed to his friend. Too wrapped up in the clanging of the swords from the T.V., he didn’t hear his phone go off the first time. But it rang once more when Kyungsoo got up to use the restroom, and he managed to catch it from his bedroom.
Jongin’s name flashed on the screen, and Kyungsoo was surprised. Jongin never called him before and had expressed his dislike of phone calls. Even electronically, the idea of sudden conversations scared him. Kyungsoo was fine with that, so it was a little strange that his boyfriend was calling him this late.
Picking it up and accepting the call, he answered. “Hello?”
“Hy…hy-h-hyung!” There was uncontrollable sobbing coming from the other line, Jongin’s voice barely distinguishable through his hiccups.
Kyungsoo was immediately worried. “Jongin, Jongin, shh. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Jongin cried harder, unable to speak for a while due to his hyperventilating. “I-I-I...s-s…P-P-P-Par…k!”
“Park?” Kyungsoo picked out. “Jongin, are you at the park?”
“U-U-Uh-huh…” he hiccupped, his sniffles cracking the line a bit. “I-I-I-I-I’m s-s…orry-y.”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo hushed him in a soothing tone, already by the door and hurriedly putting his shoes on. “I’ll be there in a second, Jongin, okay? Can you tell me where you are?”
“S-S-S-Sta-ta-ta-tue…” he managed to choke out in a raspy tone, his fluttering breaths brushing against the speaker. It wasn’t hard to deduce that Jongin was by the statue in the center of the park by Kyungsoo’s apartment. At least he was close; Kyungsoo was thankful for that.
“Are you okay, Jongin? Do you just need me?” the older man asked, throwing open his apartment door and hurrying out into the night. He couldn’t tell if Jongin was hurt physically or emotionally.
“J-J-J-Just…y-you-u…”
“Okay, Jongin, I’m going to hang up. I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there as fast as I can, I promise,” he was reluctant to hang up, but it was hard to run with his cellphone in his hand as it was. There was a muffled “uh-huh” from Jongin before Kyungsoo hung up and dashed down the streets as fast as he could.
Kyungsoo wished he could get there faster. He was scared that something had happened to Jongin. The only time he’d seen Jongin like this was when they met on the ferris wheel, but even that didn’t seem as bad as this. He had learned that Jongin was extremely sensitive, so he didn’t want Jongin to feel any worse than he already did with Kyungsoo not showing up quick enough.
He received a few weird looks due to his attire (old pajamas and ratty converses), but Kyungsoo made it to the park without any problems. Luckily, the park wasn’t too big and it wasn’t long before he heard uncontrollable sobbing and hurried to see Jongin standing under the street lamp that illuminated the big bronze statue behind him. He, too, was in his pajamas, only in a black wife beater that showcased all of his tattoos and grey sweatpants with holes in a few places, rivaling the pitiful sight of him crouched and rubbing his eyes with his fists like a child as he cried.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo called out softly, catching the blond’s attention.
Jongin looked up at him with red and puffy eyes and a tear-stained visage. His lips trembling and face contorting as he stood up before another heart-wrenching sob escaped his throat. Kyungsoo didn’t hesitate before moving closer to take Jongin into his arms. The tattooed male instantly hugged his boyfriend tightly, crying into Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“Shh, it’s okay, Jongin, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo ran his hand up and down Jongin’s back while his other hand petted the back of Jongin’s head, running his fingers through his bleached hair. He could feel Jongin’s hands gripping the fabric on his back and the tears that were dripping onto his shirt. The older male felt tears prick at his eyes from the sheer sound of Jongin’s sobbing, but he held them back.
“H-Hy-Hy-ung,” he cried, “h-h-hate…i-it.”
“You hate it?” Kyungsoo questioned, watching as Jongin pulled away. Instantly, his hands darted up to Jongin’s tear-stained face, thumbs wiping away the endless streaks down his cheeks. The blond wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand, letting out a tiny whimper as he nodded.
“Jongin, did something happen at home?” he reached up to brush Jongin’s bangs away from his eyes, letting him take his time to answer. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“N-N-N-No, I…” Jongin gasped, trying to control his breathing that was still hitched and quick. Kyungsoo moved to intertwine his hands with Jongin’s, rubbing his thumbs over the other’s inked knuckles and knowing how it soothed him. “M-My p-parents…th-they d-do…d-don’t s-sup-pport us…” he swallowed heavily, eyes watering again. Kyungsoo briefly wondered how many tears Jongin had left to shed. “I-I-I t-told them and they…th-they…” his voice cracked, expression twisting, “D-D-Dad was g-g-gonna ki-kick me out, b-b-but J-J-Jongdae…st-stopped him. I-I-I’m s-sorry…”
Kyungsoo’s heart broke at the statement. To not be accepted by Jongin’s parents was a terrible feeling, but he knew it was even worse in Jongin’s mind. Jongin was brave enough to tell his parents of his sexuality and boyfriend, and he was shut out-his worst nightmare. Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around Jongin’s torso and hugged him close again. “It’s not your fault, Jongin. You can’t help how your parents feel.”
“B-But…I-I sh-should have…I-I could o-of said s-something…”
“It’s alright that you didn’t,” Kyungsoo murmured soothingly. “But it was so brave of you to tell your family, Jongin. It takes a lot of courage to do that, you know?” He pressed a kiss to the tattoo on Jongin’s neck. “I’m happy that you did that for us and for you.”
The younger man sniffled. “R-Really?”
“Mhm,” Kyungsoo pulled away with a soft smile, “when I told my parents I was so scared. It took me years to finally muster up the courage.”
“I-It was r-really…really s-scary,” Jongin admitted, and Kyungsoo could see a spark of a smile twitch at his pierced lip. “I-I-I st-stuttered so much. It was h-hard for them t-t-to understand m-me at first…”
“Did you feel good after saying it?” the older man asked.
Jongin nodded, running a hand through wispy blond hair to get the bangs out of his face. “J-Jongdae said he supports m-me, so I-I’ll be okay,” he admited quietly, his breath hitching only every once or so. “I’m sorry for c-calling y-you so late, h-hyung.”
“It’s fine, Jongin, really,” Kyungsoo flashed him a grin, sliding his hands down to hold Jongin’s gingerly. “I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be there when you need me.”
The younger man blushed, averting his eyes for a second before quickly bending down to press a kiss to Kyungsoo’s lips nervously. Just a chaste peck, no more than a millisecond long, but it made Kyungsoo feel warm down to the tips of his sneakers. Jongin hugged him again afterwards, probably much too embarrassed to look at him, and his sheepishness made Kyungsoo smile.
“Do you wanna stay at my place for the night? You can sleep on the couch,” Kyungsoo offered politely, not sure if Jongin wanted to back to his house after running away teary-eyed.
“D-Do you m-mind? I-I just-I don’t…” Jongin whined as the words he wanted wouldn’t come out plainly.
“It’s fine with me. I need someone to watch shitty anime with anyways,” Kyungsoo mused, pulling back until only one of his hands held Jongin’s and beginning to lead them out of the park. “I’ll drive you back home in the morning.”
“O-Okay,”
rating: pg
summary: Kyungsoo finds that the ever-silent, tattooed, and pierced Jongin isn't all that he seems to be
warnings: fluff, amusementpark!au, mentions of social anxiety
It was only one month into their relationship when Kyungsoo really saw the extent of Jongin’s stress from his anxiety. Of course, he always knew that living with such a thing had to be a heavy burden, but other than when they initially met, Kyungsoo had never seen Jongin actually crack under pressure. He didn’t know much about Jongin’s family. Kyungsoo knew that Jongin didn’t like his parents a lot because they weren’t as understanding, but he never knew just how much they broke Jongin’s heart.
Just as he always was on Saturday nights, the raven-haired man was lounging on his couch, watching another anime that Junmyeon had suggested to him. It wasn’t too great, all hardcore dramatic fight scenes, but Kyungsoo could see why it appealed to his friend. Too wrapped up in the clanging of the swords from the T.V., he didn’t hear his phone go off the first time. But it rang once more when Kyungsoo got up to use the restroom, and he managed to catch it from his bedroom.
Jongin’s name flashed on the screen, and Kyungsoo was surprised. Jongin never called him before and had expressed his dislike of phone calls. Even electronically, the idea of sudden conversations scared him. Kyungsoo was fine with that, so it was a little strange that his boyfriend was calling him this late.
Picking it up and accepting the call, he answered. “Hello?”
“Hy…hy-h-hyung!” There was uncontrollable sobbing coming from the other line, Jongin’s voice barely distinguishable through his hiccups.
Kyungsoo was immediately worried. “Jongin, Jongin, shh. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Jongin cried harder, unable to speak for a while due to his hyperventilating. “I-I-I...s-s…P-P-P-Par…k!”
“Park?” Kyungsoo picked out. “Jongin, are you at the park?”
“U-U-Uh-huh…” he hiccupped, his sniffles cracking the line a bit. “I-I-I-I-I’m s-s…orry-y.”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo hushed him in a soothing tone, already by the door and hurriedly putting his shoes on. “I’ll be there in a second, Jongin, okay? Can you tell me where you are?”
“S-S-S-Sta-ta-ta-tue…” he managed to choke out in a raspy tone, his fluttering breaths brushing against the speaker. It wasn’t hard to deduce that Jongin was by the statue in the center of the park by Kyungsoo’s apartment. At least he was close; Kyungsoo was thankful for that.
“Are you okay, Jongin? Do you just need me?” the older man asked, throwing open his apartment door and hurrying out into the night. He couldn’t tell if Jongin was hurt physically or emotionally.
“J-J-J-Just…y-you-u…”
“Okay, Jongin, I’m going to hang up. I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there as fast as I can, I promise,” he was reluctant to hang up, but it was hard to run with his cellphone in his hand as it was. There was a muffled “uh-huh” from Jongin before Kyungsoo hung up and dashed down the streets as fast as he could.
Kyungsoo wished he could get there faster. He was scared that something had happened to Jongin. The only time he’d seen Jongin like this was when they met on the ferris wheel, but even that didn’t seem as bad as this. He had learned that Jongin was extremely sensitive, so he didn’t want Jongin to feel any worse than he already did with Kyungsoo not showing up quick enough.
He received a few weird looks due to his attire (old pajamas and ratty converses), but Kyungsoo made it to the park without any problems. Luckily, the park wasn’t too big and it wasn’t long before he heard uncontrollable sobbing and hurried to see Jongin standing under the street lamp that illuminated the big bronze statue behind him. He, too, was in his pajamas, only in a black wife beater that showcased all of his tattoos and grey sweatpants with holes in a few places, rivaling the pitiful sight of him crouched and rubbing his eyes with his fists like a child as he cried.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo called out softly, catching the blond’s attention.
Jongin looked up at him with red and puffy eyes and a tear-stained visage. His lips trembling and face contorting as he stood up before another heart-wrenching sob escaped his throat. Kyungsoo didn’t hesitate before moving closer to take Jongin into his arms. The tattooed male instantly hugged his boyfriend tightly, crying into Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“Shh, it’s okay, Jongin, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo ran his hand up and down Jongin’s back while his other hand petted the back of Jongin’s head, running his fingers through his bleached hair. He could feel Jongin’s hands gripping the fabric on his back and the tears that were dripping onto his shirt. The older male felt tears prick at his eyes from the sheer sound of Jongin’s sobbing, but he held them back.
“H-Hy-Hy-ung,” he cried, “h-h-hate…i-it.”
“You hate it?” Kyungsoo questioned, watching as Jongin pulled away. Instantly, his hands darted up to Jongin’s tear-stained face, thumbs wiping away the endless streaks down his cheeks. The blond wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand, letting out a tiny whimper as he nodded.
“Jongin, did something happen at home?” he reached up to brush Jongin’s bangs away from his eyes, letting him take his time to answer. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“N-N-N-No, I…” Jongin gasped, trying to control his breathing that was still hitched and quick. Kyungsoo moved to intertwine his hands with Jongin’s, rubbing his thumbs over the other’s inked knuckles and knowing how it soothed him. “M-My p-parents…th-they d-do…d-don’t s-sup-pport us…” he swallowed heavily, eyes watering again. Kyungsoo briefly wondered how many tears Jongin had left to shed. “I-I-I t-told them and they…th-they…” his voice cracked, expression twisting, “D-D-Dad was g-g-gonna ki-kick me out, b-b-but J-J-Jongdae…st-stopped him. I-I-I’m s-sorry…”
Kyungsoo’s heart broke at the statement. To not be accepted by Jongin’s parents was a terrible feeling, but he knew it was even worse in Jongin’s mind. Jongin was brave enough to tell his parents of his sexuality and boyfriend, and he was shut out-his worst nightmare. Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around Jongin’s torso and hugged him close again. “It’s not your fault, Jongin. You can’t help how your parents feel.”
“B-But…I-I sh-should have…I-I could o-of said s-something…”
“It’s alright that you didn’t,” Kyungsoo murmured soothingly. “But it was so brave of you to tell your family, Jongin. It takes a lot of courage to do that, you know?” He pressed a kiss to the tattoo on Jongin’s neck. “I’m happy that you did that for us and for you.”
The younger man sniffled. “R-Really?”
“Mhm,” Kyungsoo pulled away with a soft smile, “when I told my parents I was so scared. It took me years to finally muster up the courage.”
“I-It was r-really…really s-scary,” Jongin admitted, and Kyungsoo could see a spark of a smile twitch at his pierced lip. “I-I-I st-stuttered so much. It was h-hard for them t-t-to understand m-me at first…”
“Did you feel good after saying it?” the older man asked.
Jongin nodded, running a hand through wispy blond hair to get the bangs out of his face. “J-Jongdae said he supports m-me, so I-I’ll be okay,” he admited quietly, his breath hitching only every once or so. “I’m sorry for c-calling y-you so late, h-hyung.”
“It’s fine, Jongin, really,” Kyungsoo flashed him a grin, sliding his hands down to hold Jongin’s gingerly. “I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be there when you need me.”
The younger man blushed, averting his eyes for a second before quickly bending down to press a kiss to Kyungsoo’s lips nervously. Just a chaste peck, no more than a millisecond long, but it made Kyungsoo feel warm down to the tips of his sneakers. Jongin hugged him again afterwards, probably much too embarrassed to look at him, and his sheepishness made Kyungsoo smile.
“Do you wanna stay at my place for the night? You can sleep on the couch,” Kyungsoo offered politely, not sure if Jongin wanted to back to his house after running away teary-eyed.
“D-Do you m-mind? I-I just-I don’t…” Jongin whined as the words he wanted wouldn’t come out plainly.
“It’s fine with me. I need someone to watch shitty anime with anyways,” Kyungsoo mused, pulling back until only one of his hands held Jongin’s and beginning to lead them out of the park. “I’ll drive you back home in the morning.”
“O-Okay,”