(Untitled)

[acts_of_gord]

Today was-

Well, today was a very long day for Gordon. First the train crash, and then the Hunter attack, the nightmare in the mines, and the bridge- oh, and the autogun yard

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[blueshifted]

Barney's on his way back from the bunks to where the rest of the rebel troops are; he's got a lot to tell them, and not a whole lot of time to do it in. He wasn't expecting to run into anyone, and is idly leafing through the short report he's scribbled out.

[acts_of_gord]

There are worse impromptu meals than headcrab jerky that's been soaked in hot water; it's almost like mass market chili, if you don't think about it too hard. At least, that's what Gordon's telling himself when he all but trips over Barney.

"Whoop! Sorry- oh..." He offers a rueful smile. "Didn't see you there, Barney. Should've been paying attention."

[blueshifted]

"Oh!" It takes a second for Barney to shake his head and look up. "--oh, Gordon. Howdy. S'alright, don't worry."

His voice is just a little too sorrowful for a pleasant greeting. Subtle, but it's there. And Barney's normally cheerful, besides.

[acts_of_gord]

Gordon's never been known for his people skills overall, but he's better at dealing with the handful of individuals he knows really well. Barney's generally been one of those, so one eyebrow goes up at the tone.

"... you okay?"

[blueshifted]

"I'm fine, Gordon. We were all more worried about you, to be honest."

A beat.

"Me especially."

[acts_of_gord]

"I'm fine. Alyx was in more danger than I ever was," Gordon says. He's deliberately not thinking about that one yellow tunnel. "If it weren't for those Vortigaunts..."

He shakes his head a moment, then glances back at Barney. "Thank you, though."

[blueshifted]

Barney nods, and moves as if to leave, but then stops.

"Gordon... can I ask you a question, just for a second opinion?"

[acts_of_gord]

"Um. Sure?"

[blueshifted]

"What would you do if one of your men'd been tortured by the Combine and gave away information?"

[acts_of_gord]

... uh oh. Gordon's not a commander, Barney knows that. This isn't a hypothetical. Barney's trying to find an answer for something that's actually happened, and what to do about it.

(Gordon, alas, does not make the last leap of logic. The conclusion he reaches is accurate in the way that an artillery shell that destroys the bridge of the destroyer two ships to the left of the one you were supposed to be shooting at is accurate.)

"What did they do to him?"

[blueshifted]

"They... it's difficult to tell you, but... they beat him up real bad, and they drugged him with something experimental to get information on certain... anti-citizens' locations."

If that wasn't enough of a giveaway, it's probably a good thing that Barney doesn't go on quite yet.

[acts_of_gord]

Gordon winces. As someone who's had far too much weird crap pumped into his bloodstream lately for his liking, the thought of anything experimental being forced into somebody- particularly something experimental from the Combine, not just some hypothetical human medical treatment- gives him the bahoogies. "Damage control, then," he says. "I'd move as fast as I could to patch the security holes before the Combine could exploit them. And I'd put him in charge of the response if I could, or at least give him a chance to be part of it. He has more motivation than anyone to make sure the defenses are shored up."

Gordon does not have inspirational, memorable pearls of wisdom from his parents. He does, however, have many clear memories of his mother informing him- or his brother- that "You made this mess! You clean it up!"

[blueshifted]

"Yeah."

Beat.

"Yeah, I thought so."

Another beat. He can't keep it hypothetical with that.

"God, Gordon... I'm so, so sorry."

[acts_of_gord]

Dammit. That last part was just too... well, Gordon suspected Barney'd been leading up to something, but... yeah.

Some days Gordon wishes his hunches were wrong.

It's going to take him a while to be able to speak, or at least to be able to speak without saying something idiotic or regrettable. But he can at least move the bowl of (chili, dammit, it's totally chili) to between his left elbow and his side, and rest his right hand on Barney's shoulder if the other man will let him. He'll have the words for it in a minute.

[blueshifted]

Barney nods a little, and it terminates in him hanging his head.

[acts_of_gord]

They would have found him and Alyx eventually anyway, Gordon knows that. There were only so many ways out of the city, and there were Hunters in those woods. A mine can only have so many exits. Sooner or later, something would have found them, and something would have followed their car... they'd've been found. Eventually. This was just...

"I'm sorry too. It should never have happened to you."