(no subject)
Whenever I get around you I feel like my heart is in my throat; I constantly want to vomit, constantly want to cry. The sound of your voice cracks my heart like a tear sliding down my cheek, slowly and dragging. Yet when I get the chance to lean on you and feel your heart beat it soothes all my pain. Your hand is lightly placed on my side like you know that if you were to actually lay it there I might really fall in love with you. I can lie in your arms for just a few moments yet it feels like being wrapped in a warm blanket for hours. I sigh deeply and adjust myself further on you chest content to fall asleep safe and warm right there. I brush my hair back revealing my neck hoping you’ll rub it affectionately and look down at my sleeping face and smile to yourself happy you have me. I want you to kiss me lightly on the head thinking I’m asleep content to just lie and feel me breathe on you.
I wear my heart on my sleeve loud and proud of being an overly emotional train wreck of a human being. I get attached too easily and stay that way. I fall in love over and over again, never having the love returned. Each time I suck it up and move on thinking next time will be my turn. Each time it hurts more and more to force myself to let go, force myself to fall out of love. All the unused, unreturned, unappreciated love just transfers to the next person thinking they will have some use of it.
I’m a hopeless romantic, yet I don’t need the big sweeping gestures of fancy dinners, dozens of roses, or public declarations of love. I fantasize about walking along and you walking next to me and slowly taking my hand. I want to wake up and find you there, coming in to ask me a question and instead finding yourself watching me sleep. I want small things, anything. A door being held open, a sweet kiss goodnight, looking in to see how I am when you think I’m upset, calling me just to find out where I am even if you think you know. I’m a hopeless romantic who’s had no romance and need just a little affection.
My heart aches to be with you. But I want nothing more than for you to be happy. When you love someone I want you to be with them, even though it’s not me. I want you to be happy and to spend time with the ones who make you happy. What I really want is to be that person. I want to be the girl that you hold hands with because you want to. I want to be the girl you run to tell when something good happens. I want to be the girl you think about just before you go to bed. I’m not that girl and it breaks my heart, but I hope I’ll move on and I wont hurt what I do get, but be patient give me the little gestures I need just to get through this.
I wear my heart on my sleeve loud and proud of being an overly emotional train wreck of a human being. I get attached too easily and stay that way. I fall in love over and over again, never having the love returned. Each time I suck it up and move on thinking next time will be my turn. Each time it hurts more and more to force myself to let go, force myself to fall out of love. All the unused, unreturned, unappreciated love just transfers to the next person thinking they will have some use of it.
I’m a hopeless romantic, yet I don’t need the big sweeping gestures of fancy dinners, dozens of roses, or public declarations of love. I fantasize about walking along and you walking next to me and slowly taking my hand. I want to wake up and find you there, coming in to ask me a question and instead finding yourself watching me sleep. I want small things, anything. A door being held open, a sweet kiss goodnight, looking in to see how I am when you think I’m upset, calling me just to find out where I am even if you think you know. I’m a hopeless romantic who’s had no romance and need just a little affection.
My heart aches to be with you. But I want nothing more than for you to be happy. When you love someone I want you to be with them, even though it’s not me. I want you to be happy and to spend time with the ones who make you happy. What I really want is to be that person. I want to be the girl that you hold hands with because you want to. I want to be the girl you run to tell when something good happens. I want to be the girl you think about just before you go to bed. I’m not that girl and it breaks my heart, but I hope I’ll move on and I wont hurt what I do get, but be patient give me the little gestures I need just to get through this.