Life. Slow coming
My head's throbbing is felt again today; I feel my sickness of heart and failing immune system both started last Saturday but my body's been too proud to let me know I was actually sick. Remarkable how soothing it can be to watch steam off of the Italian roast, drifting past my eyes. I feel like I grow weaker by the day, if not by illnes, then by conflict. The grout in this wall is diminishing, and soon it will fall. So like the seasoned old car I feel, so much broken that I've forgotten what's really broken and what just doesn't run as well as it used to. I don't know what song to sing; I really don't know why my candle burns so low; I'm never this weak. Aubry gave me a hug while I was moving something earlier; I felt so small but realized that I need that. To not know what's wrong, or even if I do, it just felt nice to have someone cling to me for a few moments- I'm tired of so many things and just want to find the darkest place of the furthest corner and just stop thinking about the grayer clouds in the sky. Lass mich im Rühe, Welt. Ich will nur fröh sein.