Who knows?
I need to talk to some people who I love very much to get things back on track. I feel hurt and unappreciated sometimes.It might as well be just me. I don't know. I want to help my friends who are still in high school, yet act just mature as me. In fact I'd say about half of my friends still are in high school. I want to be there for them as much as possible because I love them and care about them so much. That is the truth. Am I ashamed by that? No. Have I ever been ashamed by that? No. Will I ever be? No. I was told by one of my best friends that if I keep being so hard on myself and by taking too many things to heart that I would "destroy". He said that because he cares about me a lot. The thing is I can't help how I feel. I guess I'd rather destroy myself than to be fake with myself. This reminds of Nina and Treplev from Anton Chekov's The Seagull. Nina was a struggling actress and Treplev was a struggling actor.
(Treplev talking about Nina) Treplev: Destroyed her.
...just like the seagull.
I've realized half to be friends with a girl first, before I like them. I can be attracted to a girl, but not feel true feelings until I become friends with them. All the girls I have liked in the past were friends first. Besides TV crushes like Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years and Marcia Brady from The Brady Bunch. Someone who had liked me in the beginning of I think last year, I've become good friends with, and now I see a faint possibility of us, but still a possibility. However, I don't think I will ever be in a relationship. I'm not confident. I'm self-conscious. I don't want to hurt whoever the girl is. Most of the time I wonder why so many people, especially girls and some friends of mine, need to be in a relationship. Most of the time they say they don't want to be alone. The thing is I have amazing friends by side, even when they kind of far away. I still know what love is. I know how it feels. I still do love. But to date just because you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, seems silly.
Maybe instead of aspiring to be a performing artist, perhaps a con artist would be better. No joke. I suppose I shouldn't write about this and post it where people can read it. Oh well. When the time comes I'll see what happens. That's about it. Okay cya.
(Treplev talking about Nina) Treplev: Destroyed her.
...just like the seagull.
I've realized half to be friends with a girl first, before I like them. I can be attracted to a girl, but not feel true feelings until I become friends with them. All the girls I have liked in the past were friends first. Besides TV crushes like Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years and Marcia Brady from The Brady Bunch. Someone who had liked me in the beginning of I think last year, I've become good friends with, and now I see a faint possibility of us, but still a possibility. However, I don't think I will ever be in a relationship. I'm not confident. I'm self-conscious. I don't want to hurt whoever the girl is. Most of the time I wonder why so many people, especially girls and some friends of mine, need to be in a relationship. Most of the time they say they don't want to be alone. The thing is I have amazing friends by side, even when they kind of far away. I still know what love is. I know how it feels. I still do love. But to date just because you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, seems silly.
Maybe instead of aspiring to be a performing artist, perhaps a con artist would be better. No joke. I suppose I shouldn't write about this and post it where people can read it. Oh well. When the time comes I'll see what happens. That's about it. Okay cya.