Went through a tunnel a time or two, ate a burger for lunch. #blogjune
Pretend Friends.
"Does it hurt?"
"Of course it doesn't sir. We place the implant through the optic nerve while she's sedated and then it works its way into the brain and a lot of complicated things happen that I could explain but they go over my head and I'm sure they'd go over yours as well. We used to have to put one in the ear as well, both ears actually, but those days are thankfully long over."
The girls father looked at the salesman with some concern. It was a natural feeling for a parent.
"But it's safe?"
"Of course it is sir. We've never had a single person die or fall sick as a result of the procedure. We've obviously had clients die, I won't deny it. But independent inquests and examinations have found that none of them were the result of our product. We have the documentation available if you like. We're very proud of our safety record."
"I wasn't talking about physical stuff, I'm not stupid, I read up on all that before I came out here today. I was talking about her personality, her emotions, her soul. My Valerie, she's my world, I only want what is best for her. This implant is the best?"
"Of course it is sir. And it is completely safe."
"And free?"
"Of course sir, what type of people would we be if we made you pay for such a service?" The salesman flashed a trustworthy smile. "We're selling imaginary friends here, what kind of price can you put on an imagination?"
"I just don't understand, how can it be free?"
"Well the technology is already as near perfected as we can make it. So that's done, no R&D costs. We spend almost nothing on advertising. So savings right there. And we make up the cost of the unit and of course wages, mine and the other staff here, in product placement."
"Product placement? I don't remember reading about that."
"Well it's nothing to worry about. The implant will just suggest to your little Val that maybe some products are better than others. Little things, she won't even notice it after a while. By the time she's old enough to buy things they won't even be a memory of a memory."
"And that covers the cost of all this?"
"Yes. Of course it does."
"I'm still not sure that this is the best idea for her. She seems okay without it."
"Sir, your daughter is only two years old right now. Soon she'll be three and will be growing up in a very competitive world. Our implant will give her the best chance going forwards. The imaginary friend will be a guide to help her learn to read, count, understand the world she lives in. Better than any teacher or parent ever could. Her friend will teach her how to trust and respect authority and what to do in emergencies. In fact it is designed to detect emergencies like a fire and direct her to safety. We're talking about giving your daughter the best possible chance at getting ahead. By the time she's six she'll be adept in most forms of math, able to read fluently and probably able to understand and program her own software."
"Yes, I know all this, but I'm worried about the product placement you were talking about earlier. Isn't it open for abuse? I mean what companies are advertising in my girls eyes?"
"Sir, I assure you that all of our product partners have your daughter and your family's best interests at heart. And as I mentioned before it is unlikely that any of it will stick with her. Of course, don't tell our valued product partners that, they pay for most of this after all."
"Okay, what about politics and religion? Does your the imaginary friend have anything on the topic of government and faith?"
"We... try to avoid such areas wherever possible sir. For the very reasons you're worried about. Our product has a lot of potential to influence young developing minds and we don't want there to be any doubt about our intentions. Rest assured that the imaginary friend will only help little Valerie to learn essentials and nothing more or less."
"What happens when she grows up?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well your product simulates an imaginary friend for her, eventually she'll be old enough to realise that it isn't real and won't that cause some problems?"
"Heavens no sir. The implant is bio-organic. As time goes on it starts to break down naturally, the imaginary friend appears less and less as she grows up and it falls apart until one day it is simply gone. By the time she's seven it will be completely gone and your daughter will be just like every other child. Healthy, normal and smart as a whip."
"So her friend just vanishes?"
"Don't all imaginary friends do that over time sir? Just fade into a vague childhood memory? This is just like that."
"I don't really remember. I didn't have any imaginary friends growing up. I didn't have any product placement in my brain telling me to buy things. Back then you had to make your own friends, real friends. You had to go outside to have fun. Not like the kids these days. All alone. I had a best friend growing up, his name was Tim, he lived in the neighbourhood, we went everywhere together until school started and I think he had to move away. I'm afraid that my daughter won't have any kind of a real experience. Just this pre-packaged stuff."
"Sir, the implant has over seven hundred thousand possible scenarios fitted with randomising features and an algorithm to adjust to her preferences. Valerie will experience a truly unique friendship and no-one anywhere will have anything identical to hers."
"I'm hesitant to do this."
"I can tell sir."
"I mean I never had one of these things as a kid."
"Actually sir, according to our records you did. Your parents installed a series three unit at age two."
"No they didn't."
"I'm sorry, our records are very thorough, also there is the reason you're here today."
"Excuse me?"
"We don't advertise Mr Plumb. We never advertise. We just wait for people like you to show up. Didn't you wonder why you came in?"
"I don't understand, I thought I saw something on the news about you guys. I thought I saw... what did I see? I just knew."
"You didn't see anything sir. It's just product placement doing its work. Now sign the contract."
The End.
My Day.
I woke up this morning early and drove away to play soccer going via the new tunnel which was interesting to drive through. We only had eleven people show up so I had to play the entire 90 minute game, I'm not going to lie I'm not that fit so I was rubbish out on the field today. We lost pretty badly and I went home feeling awful.
Spent most of the afternoon looking after my brother and then wrote the short story up above. Not entirely sure what I can do with it. It needs a hell of a lot of work. As a first draft it is okay, I think I need to make sure that the salesman is revealed to be called Tim but have the story say that he calls himself that today. Also maybe have him talk about the ways that the imaginary friend program works. It's a creative process and it takes time to get it right.
YouTube Clip of the Day.
Doctor Who commercial for a kids TV channel in the USA. I hope they all accidentally watch Blink and never sleep a comfortable night ever again.
"Does it hurt?"
"Of course it doesn't sir. We place the implant through the optic nerve while she's sedated and then it works its way into the brain and a lot of complicated things happen that I could explain but they go over my head and I'm sure they'd go over yours as well. We used to have to put one in the ear as well, both ears actually, but those days are thankfully long over."
The girls father looked at the salesman with some concern. It was a natural feeling for a parent.
"But it's safe?"
"Of course it is sir. We've never had a single person die or fall sick as a result of the procedure. We've obviously had clients die, I won't deny it. But independent inquests and examinations have found that none of them were the result of our product. We have the documentation available if you like. We're very proud of our safety record."
"I wasn't talking about physical stuff, I'm not stupid, I read up on all that before I came out here today. I was talking about her personality, her emotions, her soul. My Valerie, she's my world, I only want what is best for her. This implant is the best?"
"Of course it is sir. And it is completely safe."
"And free?"
"Of course sir, what type of people would we be if we made you pay for such a service?" The salesman flashed a trustworthy smile. "We're selling imaginary friends here, what kind of price can you put on an imagination?"
"I just don't understand, how can it be free?"
"Well the technology is already as near perfected as we can make it. So that's done, no R&D costs. We spend almost nothing on advertising. So savings right there. And we make up the cost of the unit and of course wages, mine and the other staff here, in product placement."
"Product placement? I don't remember reading about that."
"Well it's nothing to worry about. The implant will just suggest to your little Val that maybe some products are better than others. Little things, she won't even notice it after a while. By the time she's old enough to buy things they won't even be a memory of a memory."
"And that covers the cost of all this?"
"Yes. Of course it does."
"I'm still not sure that this is the best idea for her. She seems okay without it."
"Sir, your daughter is only two years old right now. Soon she'll be three and will be growing up in a very competitive world. Our implant will give her the best chance going forwards. The imaginary friend will be a guide to help her learn to read, count, understand the world she lives in. Better than any teacher or parent ever could. Her friend will teach her how to trust and respect authority and what to do in emergencies. In fact it is designed to detect emergencies like a fire and direct her to safety. We're talking about giving your daughter the best possible chance at getting ahead. By the time she's six she'll be adept in most forms of math, able to read fluently and probably able to understand and program her own software."
"Yes, I know all this, but I'm worried about the product placement you were talking about earlier. Isn't it open for abuse? I mean what companies are advertising in my girls eyes?"
"Sir, I assure you that all of our product partners have your daughter and your family's best interests at heart. And as I mentioned before it is unlikely that any of it will stick with her. Of course, don't tell our valued product partners that, they pay for most of this after all."
"Okay, what about politics and religion? Does your the imaginary friend have anything on the topic of government and faith?"
"We... try to avoid such areas wherever possible sir. For the very reasons you're worried about. Our product has a lot of potential to influence young developing minds and we don't want there to be any doubt about our intentions. Rest assured that the imaginary friend will only help little Valerie to learn essentials and nothing more or less."
"What happens when she grows up?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well your product simulates an imaginary friend for her, eventually she'll be old enough to realise that it isn't real and won't that cause some problems?"
"Heavens no sir. The implant is bio-organic. As time goes on it starts to break down naturally, the imaginary friend appears less and less as she grows up and it falls apart until one day it is simply gone. By the time she's seven it will be completely gone and your daughter will be just like every other child. Healthy, normal and smart as a whip."
"So her friend just vanishes?"
"Don't all imaginary friends do that over time sir? Just fade into a vague childhood memory? This is just like that."
"I don't really remember. I didn't have any imaginary friends growing up. I didn't have any product placement in my brain telling me to buy things. Back then you had to make your own friends, real friends. You had to go outside to have fun. Not like the kids these days. All alone. I had a best friend growing up, his name was Tim, he lived in the neighbourhood, we went everywhere together until school started and I think he had to move away. I'm afraid that my daughter won't have any kind of a real experience. Just this pre-packaged stuff."
"Sir, the implant has over seven hundred thousand possible scenarios fitted with randomising features and an algorithm to adjust to her preferences. Valerie will experience a truly unique friendship and no-one anywhere will have anything identical to hers."
"I'm hesitant to do this."
"I can tell sir."
"I mean I never had one of these things as a kid."
"Actually sir, according to our records you did. Your parents installed a series three unit at age two."
"No they didn't."
"I'm sorry, our records are very thorough, also there is the reason you're here today."
"Excuse me?"
"We don't advertise Mr Plumb. We never advertise. We just wait for people like you to show up. Didn't you wonder why you came in?"
"I don't understand, I thought I saw something on the news about you guys. I thought I saw... what did I see? I just knew."
"You didn't see anything sir. It's just product placement doing its work. Now sign the contract."
The End.
My Day.
I woke up this morning early and drove away to play soccer going via the new tunnel which was interesting to drive through. We only had eleven people show up so I had to play the entire 90 minute game, I'm not going to lie I'm not that fit so I was rubbish out on the field today. We lost pretty badly and I went home feeling awful.
Spent most of the afternoon looking after my brother and then wrote the short story up above. Not entirely sure what I can do with it. It needs a hell of a lot of work. As a first draft it is okay, I think I need to make sure that the salesman is revealed to be called Tim but have the story say that he calls himself that today. Also maybe have him talk about the ways that the imaginary friend program works. It's a creative process and it takes time to get it right.
YouTube Clip of the Day.
Doctor Who commercial for a kids TV channel in the USA. I hope they all accidentally watch Blink and never sleep a comfortable night ever again.
Click to view