2-1 losing just before I came on the field. And Short Story Sunday. #blogjune
Just a heads up, the main character of this story is pretty crude at the best of times, he's a main character in one of the novels I'm trying to write. He's a pretty awful character as a person, he pretty much hates everyone, is racist, sexist, homophobic and a corrupt cop. It's fun to write a character so appalling and this version doesn't have any swearing in it but it's still a bit crude. For those wondering: The boyfriend did it.
Next week's story has the following opening line: "If you count time travelling assassins then our wedding was attended by over 200 people." Now on with this weeks story.
A Broken Cadillac on a Mountainside.
“I wish Jerry was here.”
“He isn't and you know just as well, if not better, as anyone else why he’s not here.”
“I'd feel more comfortable with him working in the field, I need my partner.”
“That might be the case but it isn't going to be the case here. Not after what happened.”
“I still don't get why you think something happened. He wasn't even there, I was the arresting officer.”
“Yeah Charlie I know all about people not even being there when it comes to arresting officers. I myself have not been in a lot of places over the years during certain events and Jerry had the look of someone who wasn't there a hell of a lot more than someone who wasn't actually there.”
“I'm giving you my word on this. As I arrested them he was miles away.”
“And when they fell over and lost their teeth? And then fell over again a few times as the car accidentally rolled over their fingers?”
“He was even further away when those tragic accidents happened. He was at Rosies place getting a drink by then. Ask her about it. She’ll back me up and she hates me so you know she wouldn’t lie.”
“I will ask her, but I know she has a soft spot for Jerry, so don’t think I’ll take the word of your bartending half-Irish cousin. I know something happened. I don't care enough to find out but I do care enough to stick him on desk duties until we can get his head back in the game. He's one of the best we have and I can't afford to lose him to whatever puddle of sin you’ve walked into his house. But at the same time I can't afford to have him out with the public either if he's not up for it, he might hurt someone, he might do something stupid and I can’t afford stupid right now. My final bloody word on the topic Charlie. Do you understand?”
“Yes Cake.” There was a glare from the senior officer. “Yes sir.”
They were walking into the deeper parts of the scrub as they talked. A ranger in the carpark had pointed the way for them and they could see up ahead the obvious signs of a crime scene. Tape around trees, people with cameras trying to make sure nothing was undocumented.
“So why are we here anyway Cake? The two of us?”
“Because the locals haven't had a murder in ten years and it's better that you help out with it and catch the guy than they get practice in not catching a killer. “
“I know that, my question was a plural, why are we here, or more specifically why are you here? I'm not saying I didn't appreciate someone to talk to on the drive out here but they can't possibly need you as well as me. You don’t really have the skill set to investigate a murder anymore.”
“I’ll not take offense at that. The locals don't need me at all, I have a cousin back in town who just had a baby so I need to go in and say hello. This way I get paid for fuel by her majesty's police service instead of fronting it up myself.”
“Then why even come out here to the crime scene if you don't care?”
“Because someone needs to make sure you play nice with the locals. You have a reputation Charlie, I’m here to make sure that you don’t do anything stupid for a second time in a week.”
The local police had the scene sealed off pretty well, the two showed their badges and stepped carefully into the area. The local detective, Chris Mannel, was more used to dealing with drug raids, illegal grow operations and drunk bashings near and around the local bar, a body just off the bushwalking track was new and he’d been quickly on the phone to Brisbane to get someone with more experience to assist for the initial investigation at least.
Instead of sending their best they sent James “Charlie” Charlotte a man with more experience than he knew what to do with and the arrogance which came from being right enough of the time to think that you’re going to be right all of the time. His boss and driving companion was simply called The Cake-Lover by everyone in the department, he’d had the nickname for so long that occasionally people forgot that he had an actual real name hidden under it. The origins of his nickname were confusing to him, he thought it was because he once woke up naked in a bathroom after a Christmas party with most of what he thought was a melted birthday cake somehow covering his body and he had to run to get clothes from a bedroom before anyone woke up, the truth was that his wife used to jump out of cakes at bucks parties for a living and he still had no idea, Charlie knew and he made sure that no-one ever told him and double the threat to never mention it to his wife, Charlie was a good person in some ways. Cake loved his wife more than anything in the world, knowing about her past wouldn’t stop him loving her, but it would hurt him with no benefit to anyone, Charlie was good at keeping secrets, better at guarding them.
Cake introduced the two detectives to each other, then left back down the path to visit a screaming baby and pretend it didn’t look as ugly as he thought it did.
The body had been found that morning by some bird-watchers who’d noticed a startling amount of Corvus Coronoides in the area, a carrion eating species. The guy had been there at least a few days probably more. They had a name based on a missing persons report and a drivers license found in his wallet in his pants, Cadillac Soots.
“What kind of stupid name is Cadillac?” Charlie was looking at the body. “I blame society, his parents and then in no particular order the New World Order, George W Bush and Cecil Rhodes.”
Mannel tried to avoid looking at the body as much as he could. “He wasn’t very social, he moved to town a few months ago. Had a job at the Chinese restaurant part time, paid for a spare bed room at the Michaels household but they haven’t seen him in a week and filed a report three days back. Initial report is a heavy beating and then probable post-mortem beating.”
“He gay?”
“What?”
“Most killings like this are a former lover, if he’s gay then our suspect pool drops from half the population to about four percent maybe two percent if you believe some studies. I like to save time if possible.”
“I think he might have been. I don’t judge, we don’t judge around here.”
“Small town? Of course you do. Saves time I find personally.”
"That's a terrible attitude to have."
"Kid, look at the damage done here. You don't hurt someone like this if you didn't love the once upon a time. You don't stop hitting them long after death if it wasn't personal."
"I'd rather not have to look if I could help it thanks very much."
"Sure, pussy out if you want but this is where we solve the case most times." Charlie pulled out his phone. “We got internet or mobile phone reception up here?”
“Probably the tower is up the hill just a little bit, hidden by the trees and painted green.”
“Great.” He looked around and saw a youngish looking officer who was standing around guarding nothing in particular. “You, you look like you’re just barely scraping out of puberty. You got a phone that isn't rubbish?"
"Yes sir I do."
"Good. Get online and search the corpse's Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Grindr if you can, do it now before his mum deletes everything out of shame. Find me a name of someone local who either hated or loved him. Give us the name when you get it then we’ll go arrest him.”
Mannel looked horrified. “You can’t just arrest someone with no evidence.”
“I know that, you know that but right now there is someone with a guilty conscience just aching to confess what he did. We’ll get him, hotbox him and get a confession before dinner.”
“And if he’s innocent?”
“Then we’ll get a name of someone else who hated him or loved him and we’ll go around and around until someone snaps and admits it. Then the real work begins. Finding the evidence, matching fingerprints, disproving alibis, lawyers meetings. But we’ll get there don’t you worry.”
“This isn’t how we’re supposed to work Detective.”
“I know that kid, I’ve read the manual enough times. But this is how we find out who killed this fairy so I can go back to the city and help my mate out who’s going through a rough patch right now. Now grow up and lets get to work. You’re the one who opened this Soot Case, now it’s time to find out exactly what’s inside.”
The youngish looking policeman kept scrolling through the phone as Charlie started walking off towards the carpark, looking at pictures of a life cut short, fingers dancing slowly up, waiting for a name to pop out at him.
The End.
My Day.
I got up early this morning, around 6am or so and eventually I got out the door and went off to play soccer on the other side of the city in this field just off the Gateway motorway(annoyingly I missed the correct turn from Ipswich Road to get to the field and ended up showing up twenty minutes late and just barely getting on the field before the game started).
It was a decent game in some places but we ended up losing 4-1 after briefly coming back after half time to 1-1. I pulled my hamstring with about ten minutes left in the game and had to limp for the remaining time which didn't do us any favours but it did mean that I was unable to stop moving when I got some pace which might have freaked out some of the other team when I hobbled at them at full speed.
After the game I headed over to pick up my brother from some horse thing my dad was at and took him home where I could rest up my wounded leg. I ended up spending most of the day basically sitting around doing nothing trying to avoid the pain as much as possible.
YouTube Clip of the Day.
These ladies could beat me at soccer today. Because I can't move my leg right now.
Next week's story has the following opening line: "If you count time travelling assassins then our wedding was attended by over 200 people." Now on with this weeks story.
A Broken Cadillac on a Mountainside.
“I wish Jerry was here.”
“He isn't and you know just as well, if not better, as anyone else why he’s not here.”
“I'd feel more comfortable with him working in the field, I need my partner.”
“That might be the case but it isn't going to be the case here. Not after what happened.”
“I still don't get why you think something happened. He wasn't even there, I was the arresting officer.”
“Yeah Charlie I know all about people not even being there when it comes to arresting officers. I myself have not been in a lot of places over the years during certain events and Jerry had the look of someone who wasn't there a hell of a lot more than someone who wasn't actually there.”
“I'm giving you my word on this. As I arrested them he was miles away.”
“And when they fell over and lost their teeth? And then fell over again a few times as the car accidentally rolled over their fingers?”
“He was even further away when those tragic accidents happened. He was at Rosies place getting a drink by then. Ask her about it. She’ll back me up and she hates me so you know she wouldn’t lie.”
“I will ask her, but I know she has a soft spot for Jerry, so don’t think I’ll take the word of your bartending half-Irish cousin. I know something happened. I don't care enough to find out but I do care enough to stick him on desk duties until we can get his head back in the game. He's one of the best we have and I can't afford to lose him to whatever puddle of sin you’ve walked into his house. But at the same time I can't afford to have him out with the public either if he's not up for it, he might hurt someone, he might do something stupid and I can’t afford stupid right now. My final bloody word on the topic Charlie. Do you understand?”
“Yes Cake.” There was a glare from the senior officer. “Yes sir.”
They were walking into the deeper parts of the scrub as they talked. A ranger in the carpark had pointed the way for them and they could see up ahead the obvious signs of a crime scene. Tape around trees, people with cameras trying to make sure nothing was undocumented.
“So why are we here anyway Cake? The two of us?”
“Because the locals haven't had a murder in ten years and it's better that you help out with it and catch the guy than they get practice in not catching a killer. “
“I know that, my question was a plural, why are we here, or more specifically why are you here? I'm not saying I didn't appreciate someone to talk to on the drive out here but they can't possibly need you as well as me. You don’t really have the skill set to investigate a murder anymore.”
“I’ll not take offense at that. The locals don't need me at all, I have a cousin back in town who just had a baby so I need to go in and say hello. This way I get paid for fuel by her majesty's police service instead of fronting it up myself.”
“Then why even come out here to the crime scene if you don't care?”
“Because someone needs to make sure you play nice with the locals. You have a reputation Charlie, I’m here to make sure that you don’t do anything stupid for a second time in a week.”
The local police had the scene sealed off pretty well, the two showed their badges and stepped carefully into the area. The local detective, Chris Mannel, was more used to dealing with drug raids, illegal grow operations and drunk bashings near and around the local bar, a body just off the bushwalking track was new and he’d been quickly on the phone to Brisbane to get someone with more experience to assist for the initial investigation at least.
Instead of sending their best they sent James “Charlie” Charlotte a man with more experience than he knew what to do with and the arrogance which came from being right enough of the time to think that you’re going to be right all of the time. His boss and driving companion was simply called The Cake-Lover by everyone in the department, he’d had the nickname for so long that occasionally people forgot that he had an actual real name hidden under it. The origins of his nickname were confusing to him, he thought it was because he once woke up naked in a bathroom after a Christmas party with most of what he thought was a melted birthday cake somehow covering his body and he had to run to get clothes from a bedroom before anyone woke up, the truth was that his wife used to jump out of cakes at bucks parties for a living and he still had no idea, Charlie knew and he made sure that no-one ever told him and double the threat to never mention it to his wife, Charlie was a good person in some ways. Cake loved his wife more than anything in the world, knowing about her past wouldn’t stop him loving her, but it would hurt him with no benefit to anyone, Charlie was good at keeping secrets, better at guarding them.
Cake introduced the two detectives to each other, then left back down the path to visit a screaming baby and pretend it didn’t look as ugly as he thought it did.
The body had been found that morning by some bird-watchers who’d noticed a startling amount of Corvus Coronoides in the area, a carrion eating species. The guy had been there at least a few days probably more. They had a name based on a missing persons report and a drivers license found in his wallet in his pants, Cadillac Soots.
“What kind of stupid name is Cadillac?” Charlie was looking at the body. “I blame society, his parents and then in no particular order the New World Order, George W Bush and Cecil Rhodes.”
Mannel tried to avoid looking at the body as much as he could. “He wasn’t very social, he moved to town a few months ago. Had a job at the Chinese restaurant part time, paid for a spare bed room at the Michaels household but they haven’t seen him in a week and filed a report three days back. Initial report is a heavy beating and then probable post-mortem beating.”
“He gay?”
“What?”
“Most killings like this are a former lover, if he’s gay then our suspect pool drops from half the population to about four percent maybe two percent if you believe some studies. I like to save time if possible.”
“I think he might have been. I don’t judge, we don’t judge around here.”
“Small town? Of course you do. Saves time I find personally.”
"That's a terrible attitude to have."
"Kid, look at the damage done here. You don't hurt someone like this if you didn't love the once upon a time. You don't stop hitting them long after death if it wasn't personal."
"I'd rather not have to look if I could help it thanks very much."
"Sure, pussy out if you want but this is where we solve the case most times." Charlie pulled out his phone. “We got internet or mobile phone reception up here?”
“Probably the tower is up the hill just a little bit, hidden by the trees and painted green.”
“Great.” He looked around and saw a youngish looking officer who was standing around guarding nothing in particular. “You, you look like you’re just barely scraping out of puberty. You got a phone that isn't rubbish?"
"Yes sir I do."
"Good. Get online and search the corpse's Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Grindr if you can, do it now before his mum deletes everything out of shame. Find me a name of someone local who either hated or loved him. Give us the name when you get it then we’ll go arrest him.”
Mannel looked horrified. “You can’t just arrest someone with no evidence.”
“I know that, you know that but right now there is someone with a guilty conscience just aching to confess what he did. We’ll get him, hotbox him and get a confession before dinner.”
“And if he’s innocent?”
“Then we’ll get a name of someone else who hated him or loved him and we’ll go around and around until someone snaps and admits it. Then the real work begins. Finding the evidence, matching fingerprints, disproving alibis, lawyers meetings. But we’ll get there don’t you worry.”
“This isn’t how we’re supposed to work Detective.”
“I know that kid, I’ve read the manual enough times. But this is how we find out who killed this fairy so I can go back to the city and help my mate out who’s going through a rough patch right now. Now grow up and lets get to work. You’re the one who opened this Soot Case, now it’s time to find out exactly what’s inside.”
The youngish looking policeman kept scrolling through the phone as Charlie started walking off towards the carpark, looking at pictures of a life cut short, fingers dancing slowly up, waiting for a name to pop out at him.
The End.
My Day.
I got up early this morning, around 6am or so and eventually I got out the door and went off to play soccer on the other side of the city in this field just off the Gateway motorway(annoyingly I missed the correct turn from Ipswich Road to get to the field and ended up showing up twenty minutes late and just barely getting on the field before the game started).
It was a decent game in some places but we ended up losing 4-1 after briefly coming back after half time to 1-1. I pulled my hamstring with about ten minutes left in the game and had to limp for the remaining time which didn't do us any favours but it did mean that I was unable to stop moving when I got some pace which might have freaked out some of the other team when I hobbled at them at full speed.
After the game I headed over to pick up my brother from some horse thing my dad was at and took him home where I could rest up my wounded leg. I ended up spending most of the day basically sitting around doing nothing trying to avoid the pain as much as possible.
YouTube Clip of the Day.
These ladies could beat me at soccer today. Because I can't move my leg right now.
Click to view