Resolve
Whether it's long train rides, the lack of a thesis to obsess about, or the fact that it's just that time of year, I have been contemplating why I don't chronicle my life in some way shape or form lately. The least I can do is keep up this journal a little better.
I've just returned from a week off in Buffalo. It was as expected: busy with friends and family. Luckily, the snow slowed Tom and I down for a couple days and we just got to hang out with each other and play our new Mario game for a couple of hours and scrounge around looking at old photographs. I also spent a lot of time with Mollie and Frank, and even though I know they are moving on to bigger and better things leaving Buffalo for Texas, I know the fact that they are leaving isn't going to hit me until next time I am home and they aren't there. When you move away you have this unrealistic expectation that lives are just going to be frozen until the next time you get back, but children grow up, friends lives move on with out you there.
I've come to this realization lately that I have trouble with commitment, and most of the time I have one foot in and one foot out of the door. I see this most currently with my job situation. There's never a job that I've had that I've felt "Wow, I can see doing this for another 20 years." Even within my job, I put myself in situations like this year where I'm divided between teaching 6th and 10th grade, and can't really give my all to either of them. As my age scarily approaches 30, I think this is something I really have to work on with my career. New York City is unsustainable for me. Because I can't buy a house and have a yard here, I couldn't imagine staying here for the rest of my life. I can't commit fully to a job here, because I can't commit to the city. I know that for some people owning a one bedroom apartment in a developing area, or renting out a great place in a posh area is optimal in their life and a great achievement. I can't see myself paying rent for the rest of my life.
I hope that 2010 is a great turning point of a year. I finish my master's degree this year. I'd like to actively search for jobs in Western New York. The only problem is that Tom might have difficulty finding a job that he likes and wants to do. Like everywhere else, the economy is not great in Erie County or in most parts of New York State. Jobs that he would want to do aren't necessities for the public, and generally are not the best funded in recession times. He talks about going back to school and getting his teaching degree, and maybe that's what will allow him to teach science. Even then, getting the degree does not ensure he would like the profession or be able to get a job in it.
So, this year I pose that my resolution will be committing to something for real. I want to actively find a place I want to live and stay in long term. I want to do less, but get involved more in what I do.
I've just returned from a week off in Buffalo. It was as expected: busy with friends and family. Luckily, the snow slowed Tom and I down for a couple days and we just got to hang out with each other and play our new Mario game for a couple of hours and scrounge around looking at old photographs. I also spent a lot of time with Mollie and Frank, and even though I know they are moving on to bigger and better things leaving Buffalo for Texas, I know the fact that they are leaving isn't going to hit me until next time I am home and they aren't there. When you move away you have this unrealistic expectation that lives are just going to be frozen until the next time you get back, but children grow up, friends lives move on with out you there.
I've come to this realization lately that I have trouble with commitment, and most of the time I have one foot in and one foot out of the door. I see this most currently with my job situation. There's never a job that I've had that I've felt "Wow, I can see doing this for another 20 years." Even within my job, I put myself in situations like this year where I'm divided between teaching 6th and 10th grade, and can't really give my all to either of them. As my age scarily approaches 30, I think this is something I really have to work on with my career. New York City is unsustainable for me. Because I can't buy a house and have a yard here, I couldn't imagine staying here for the rest of my life. I can't commit fully to a job here, because I can't commit to the city. I know that for some people owning a one bedroom apartment in a developing area, or renting out a great place in a posh area is optimal in their life and a great achievement. I can't see myself paying rent for the rest of my life.
I hope that 2010 is a great turning point of a year. I finish my master's degree this year. I'd like to actively search for jobs in Western New York. The only problem is that Tom might have difficulty finding a job that he likes and wants to do. Like everywhere else, the economy is not great in Erie County or in most parts of New York State. Jobs that he would want to do aren't necessities for the public, and generally are not the best funded in recession times. He talks about going back to school and getting his teaching degree, and maybe that's what will allow him to teach science. Even then, getting the degree does not ensure he would like the profession or be able to get a job in it.
So, this year I pose that my resolution will be committing to something for real. I want to actively find a place I want to live and stay in long term. I want to do less, but get involved more in what I do.