Christmas and the Lost Glory
I think this year, Christmas has finally lost it's surprise and wonder for everyone except me. It's sad. I don't like it. Maybe it's just the circumstances leading up to everything. Everything is always expensive. When asked what I want, I feel weird about it. I mean It's great to get things from people but it's the whole gift of giving thing. It's not supposed to be about how much money you spend. But I think that people miss that point. All they do is want. They think that it's a burden to give. And then the people that want to give.... well they can't or don't have just enough money to give. I suppose that's where I fit in. I don't want to buy someone something at a store. To me that's just a pricetag. I wish I could get someone something really special. But noone wants that anymore. They want gift cards. Why don't I just hand you a 20 dollar bill... or whatever the monetary amount is. Better yet... why even exchange gifts if you're going to be like that. I don't know. I'm just depressed. And then the whole idea of secret santa. I like it... but am I the only damn person on the face of the earth that really actually wants to play the game? I think so. And when you ask someone about it? They think you're a freak because you actually like and know what the element of surprise is.....
I just wish that it was like it was when I was a kid. I think that's why people have kids. because they realize that life as an adult fucking blows. I mean sure middle school isn't so great, but you still get recess. You still get to come home and watch cartoons. Ride your bike. Actually look forward to Christmas... instead of thinking... oh great... I have to buy stuff for everyone... how am I going to do that AND make the bills???
Noone wants to put up, let alone decorate a tree. And lights... well let's not even go there. Everyone is grouchy. Crabby. And when there's a big huge snowfall..... why can't I get an effing snow day like I did when I was a kid? Why do I have to go to work because my moronic manager or district manager or whoever can't completely understand that it's the stupidest idea to have employees work today. We didn't even make enough money to cover the 11 people's salaries that were there, let alone all the utilities. Stupid. I would have rather gone sledding.
And on Christmas day... I have to go to like 3 different places. 1 of which is all I want to go to... my parents. The other 2 are just weird. One of them I will have to pretend... yet again... to enjoy the awful cooking.... which by the way is all meat. Meat, meat, maybe some potatoes... and hey MORE EFFING MEAT!!! Prime rubbery gross bloody rib and rubbery disgusting crab legs. Even when I did eat meat.... I didn't want to eat that. Now I have to endure it and just sit and look at the dead flesh.... THAT ISN"T EVEN COOKED CORRECTLY BECAUSE YOU"RE A LOUSY COOK.
::::sigh::::
I just remember the magic surrounding the holiday. The lights outside would glow wonderously in the snow. The tree was so gigantic and beautiful. The cookies were endless and so was the laughter. And you would always think that you weren't getting anything because there wasn't anything under the tree but somehow on Christmas morning, there would be so many presents and neat stuff and the living room was sparkly and warm and fun and Christmas Day seemed to go on for years in the happiness. And you didn't have to go anywhere. You didn't have to eat gross stuff.
I don't know. It just makes me sad.
9... 9 was a good year. I'd like to be 9 again.
That's what I want for Christmas.
I just wish that it was like it was when I was a kid. I think that's why people have kids. because they realize that life as an adult fucking blows. I mean sure middle school isn't so great, but you still get recess. You still get to come home and watch cartoons. Ride your bike. Actually look forward to Christmas... instead of thinking... oh great... I have to buy stuff for everyone... how am I going to do that AND make the bills???
Noone wants to put up, let alone decorate a tree. And lights... well let's not even go there. Everyone is grouchy. Crabby. And when there's a big huge snowfall..... why can't I get an effing snow day like I did when I was a kid? Why do I have to go to work because my moronic manager or district manager or whoever can't completely understand that it's the stupidest idea to have employees work today. We didn't even make enough money to cover the 11 people's salaries that were there, let alone all the utilities. Stupid. I would have rather gone sledding.
And on Christmas day... I have to go to like 3 different places. 1 of which is all I want to go to... my parents. The other 2 are just weird. One of them I will have to pretend... yet again... to enjoy the awful cooking.... which by the way is all meat. Meat, meat, maybe some potatoes... and hey MORE EFFING MEAT!!! Prime rubbery gross bloody rib and rubbery disgusting crab legs. Even when I did eat meat.... I didn't want to eat that. Now I have to endure it and just sit and look at the dead flesh.... THAT ISN"T EVEN COOKED CORRECTLY BECAUSE YOU"RE A LOUSY COOK.
::::sigh::::
I just remember the magic surrounding the holiday. The lights outside would glow wonderously in the snow. The tree was so gigantic and beautiful. The cookies were endless and so was the laughter. And you would always think that you weren't getting anything because there wasn't anything under the tree but somehow on Christmas morning, there would be so many presents and neat stuff and the living room was sparkly and warm and fun and Christmas Day seemed to go on for years in the happiness. And you didn't have to go anywhere. You didn't have to eat gross stuff.
I don't know. It just makes me sad.
9... 9 was a good year. I'd like to be 9 again.
That's what I want for Christmas.