and it has led me to this...
i'm not so sure what has brought this on, but as of the past couple of days i really feel that i have nothing to say in conversation. ill talk, sure, but everything i say or add to a conversation feels like filler, the only conversations that seem to hold any meaning any more are those i have about music. that sounds retarded. i hate the fact that i just said it, but its true. for me, music is my constant, its tangible for me, its something can change on a whim, whether it be playing music or listening to it, i have control of it, and i think thats why i feel that way right now. i know i have full control over every decision i make, but it seems so narrow to me, my options are limited. you know, here wes, do this... ok sure... seriously, why would i just say no, it doesnt make sense. its not that i think my decisions are predetermined, but its like a path that im on and to stray from it seems absurb, but i cant help but notice everything outside of the path. this is ridiculous
im taking a class this semester entitled "business communication and professional development" my alternate title for this class is "how to be a corporate whore 101." now i realize i work for starbucks, a gigantic corporation, but this class is absurd. i just read 2 chapters on how to effectively utilize email and use fonts and "white space" effectively. this is all bullshit, these people making these "rules" are devoid of any type of being. who cares about "effectively utilezed white space to make a docment more attractive." later on in the chapter after talking about planning and writing a business document that its important to design it so someone can easily skim the document and THEN decide whether or not to read it. SERIOUSLY what the fuck is the point of writing a meticulously planned, written and proofread document if the asshole who read it is only going to skim it? i vow at this very moment if i ever become the asshole deciding whether or not a document is effectively designed, i will kill myself.
all of this bureaucracy and establishment and so on is so archaic and counteractive to living a fulfilling life. it makes me nauseous. all in all, it kind of makes me resent the fact that i work for a huge corporation and that i am only fueling the fire of this ridiculous tradition and establishment by being a business major. i should be in science, mathematics, or engineering. these are the subject that are of utmost importance to our society. people's health, well-being, fuck it, maybe im misguided, maybe all of this is just a ruse, maybe there is no god, maybe we're just over-evolved animals.
is everything meaningless? if we die and there is no god, what was the point of living? happiness? NO because happiness is a struggle, happiness is an abstract ideal unique to each individual but we, as americans and humans set standards and different strata for success. of course, success equals happiness, RIGHT! and i could turn right around and say that music, my constant, by this theory i just proposed is also meaningless, and that i have fallen prey to ridiculous ideals, standards and establishment.
im rambling. whatever. tell me if im a misguided naieve semi-nihilist or some other "thing" i have no idea. i dont even know which way is up anymore. fuck it, back to the salt mines.
im taking a class this semester entitled "business communication and professional development" my alternate title for this class is "how to be a corporate whore 101." now i realize i work for starbucks, a gigantic corporation, but this class is absurd. i just read 2 chapters on how to effectively utilize email and use fonts and "white space" effectively. this is all bullshit, these people making these "rules" are devoid of any type of being. who cares about "effectively utilezed white space to make a docment more attractive." later on in the chapter after talking about planning and writing a business document that its important to design it so someone can easily skim the document and THEN decide whether or not to read it. SERIOUSLY what the fuck is the point of writing a meticulously planned, written and proofread document if the asshole who read it is only going to skim it? i vow at this very moment if i ever become the asshole deciding whether or not a document is effectively designed, i will kill myself.
all of this bureaucracy and establishment and so on is so archaic and counteractive to living a fulfilling life. it makes me nauseous. all in all, it kind of makes me resent the fact that i work for a huge corporation and that i am only fueling the fire of this ridiculous tradition and establishment by being a business major. i should be in science, mathematics, or engineering. these are the subject that are of utmost importance to our society. people's health, well-being, fuck it, maybe im misguided, maybe all of this is just a ruse, maybe there is no god, maybe we're just over-evolved animals.
is everything meaningless? if we die and there is no god, what was the point of living? happiness? NO because happiness is a struggle, happiness is an abstract ideal unique to each individual but we, as americans and humans set standards and different strata for success. of course, success equals happiness, RIGHT! and i could turn right around and say that music, my constant, by this theory i just proposed is also meaningless, and that i have fallen prey to ridiculous ideals, standards and establishment.
im rambling. whatever. tell me if im a misguided naieve semi-nihilist or some other "thing" i have no idea. i dont even know which way is up anymore. fuck it, back to the salt mines.