Just thinking
Everyone around me is so happy. It's weird. Ok, it's not weird that they're happy, it's good, it's really really good. Jen has a boyfriend now, his name is Chad, he's pretty cool. We used to work at FYE together so I met him a long time ago. But anyways, they're together, and really cute. Jen is really happy with him, and she's always in a good mood, so I'm really super happy for her!!! And Duby, well Duby has hooked up with one of my best friends ;) He and Steph are now officially a couple!!! They are adorable!! And I love being the third wheel with them cause they don't make me feel like I'm intruding. But really I have no other friends to hang out with, so I'm glad it's them that are together. Seriously though guys, you should hear Duby talk about her, it's so freaking adorable!! He is so happy, as he continues to tell me every single day. He bursts in to songs and dances now... I think we may have rubbed off on him... he's been living with the girls for too long with no male contact... lol.
I guess the reason I said that it's weird is because, well because for the first time, I'm the single roommate. The single friend. And all around me I see people hooking up, Jen and Chad, Steph and Duby, Morgan and Chris, and well there's no one else around really. And it doesn't matter who I hang out with, I'm always the third or fifth wheel. I guess now I realize what it was like for everyone else. And it's not horrible, I don't mind being the single one, it's just weird, it's a change in roles. And even though at times I feel lonely and kind of depressed, I wouldn't change anything right now. I am really glad that my friends are finding happiness. And with Steph and Duby together, I get to see a lot more of Steph, and I'm ok with that. I need you to come back Becky, so I can stop bothering the couples and we can hang out and let them do their couple-y things.
Today is July 6. Exactly one year ago today Jake and I became an official couple. I remember the exact conversation we had, where we were, the way he looked at me, the nervous butterflies in my stomach, and the ridiculous smile that I couldn't wipe off my face. I remember what we had made for dinner, our attempt at taking a movie up to his room to watch it, but instead talking, and maybe a little bit of kissing. I remember it was in his first apartment, with his little bed. It was the day that he asked me to go to the Panic! at the disco concert with him. I look back at all this, and the memories are racing through my head, and they're all really great memories, and I do miss all of it, but I'm not crying. I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about him, and about all that we went through, and the beginning where it was a new love, that's always the best, and I'm ok. I'm not crying. I guess I'm healing.
"I'm sorry I have to say it, you look like you're sad
your smile is gone, I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in just a little more love,
I promise you this, a little's enough."
There's something else too. I feel as though I lost a really good friend. I don't know what I did, maybe I pushed too hard. The entire story is way too long to put on here, but let's just say that there's this guy, he used to work with me, and he went out with me to celebrate my birthday. And I may have rebounded on him a little bit, but I think he was doing the same with me. But we talked about it, and talked about it more, and decided to take it slow, and be friends. And well, I thought it was all going ok, we hung out, and then I realized, that I was really really starting to like him, not as a rebound. But before I could really talk to him about it, well he stopped calling me. And I guess I just don't understand why. I thought he liked hanging out with us. We all really liked it when he was around, Duby and Steph ask me almost everyday if I've heard from him, well because they miss him too. And seriously I have no idea what's going on. But if anything, I just really don't want to lose my friend. Any advice? I haven't called him in about 2 weeks, cause I figured it was his turn to call me, and he hasn't. Everyone says it would be a bad idea if I tried calling him again. I just keep telling myself that there's a really good reason why he hasn't called me, but I can't think of what it is. And why it's taking so long. Maybe I read too much into things, I guess I always do. I guess I'll just keep waiting and see if anything happens.
Wow this seriously is like the longest entry I have ever made!!! I guess there's just a lot that I needed to let out. Man one of these days I should just go see a therapist.