light pollution / relatively speaking
i'm thinking about the days in my head, mostly the ones that have never happened. if this were a movie i would pack these days into beautiful, five-second-long scenes at the end of the movie to make the rest of everything that had happened prior to the end alright. you would have ran to greet me, i would have made it there. hamlet is always right.
i am thinking about underground rivers and lakes in the sky and stravinsky and dinosaurs and sunsets and air and screaming and katrina, the girl i named myself, with wings and dripping blue eyes, leaning to one side, her dress is a rectangle, i didn't know the other letters in my name besides "k a t", so i improvised.
-i wrote that, on an obvious whim, approx. 3 weeks ago. i think.
the weather is crummy
i need to write a letter
one to _____ and one to elizabeth. the _____ is university and probably wouldn't interest you, so don't try to fill in the blanks with boys' names etc
i had a thousand dreams last night
"everything i am is stolen. once it filters through you, it's yours." i can't help but think that most celebrities are really total losers and have lame personalities in real life, and don't act like anyone you would want to be around.
you may have picked up the hints that we have moved.
replace blinking radio tower with hissing, banging, whirring trains at night. replace trees with concrete and small yard to streets, and being hidden to being seen, being estranged to being an extension of something, my house to my baby. turn shadows to sunlight and hills to stairs and pitch-black to orange street lamps.
i can't get the advice out of my head that "you don't love bob dylan? you haven't been to college yet."
on the day we officially sold our house the real estate agent gave us jewelry and told us to go out to eat. the bracelet is heavy but i like it.
i was just thinking about simplicity and smoothing out kinks but then i thought of a robert frost poem- baptiste is admirable.
j'ai reussi l'examen oral en francais - en anglais, aussi- illustrates how once i do something, it's fine. it's fun seeing teachers moved to ecstacy but i won't take the praise for it publically. just give me my diploma and let me fly off.
we've been trying to make my room more loveable. mum is currently a boarder in the house. where are we going to put the futon????
the fire escape would look so much better painted eggplant, fade to fuscia.
i'm glad i have ivana around to remind me of the things i'm doing right, and what there is to look forward to. i hope she gets to be in a shampoo ad someday and i hope i can go to argentina with her someday, too.
i feel really bad when i cry around tupper. it happened twice lately. she said it really bothers her when things don't work out for me. i started crying in english class after giving blood and also when my jaw started hurting more than anything on the day of the om competition. on one hand it might traumatize her to see me collapse, but on the other hand it might reassure her that other people can be sad for real reasons, too. i sort of hate crying/ getting hurt around people in general. not because they are unpleasant things- i can do them just fine on my own- but i hate inconveniencing seven people to walk me to the nurse, yada yada.
found another old diary of my dad's. you can notice the difference between his really old ones, when he was living alone or in college, and the one that "xm" gave him. that's mum. dad's diction is funny. "april 17 saw movie 'cannery row', lousy movie, no justice to john steinbeck. april 19 cold + eventually snowy, didn't go to work- was invited to xm's for soiree, got a hair cut (actually, all of them). april 23 went traipsing about with xm to sino american restaurant, idaho springs. up to georgetown for cocktails + pool game with weirdo named kevin, a true s+m freak. wed april 28 neighbors angry with me cuz i was angry with them. oh well. may 11 did not go to work- went instead to denver with jim to see a good movie chariots of fire. may 12 started thinking seriously about wiring that one circuit at elsie's- still scared of it. gee, it's really snowing like a bitch." there was also a letter from the new yorker between some of the pages. apparently john brown wrote them a letter. also there is a " I <3 NY " sticker that someone, presumably xm, crossed out NY and wrote J.B.
i was positively tickled by the keychains being sold in a french magazine that had "i am able 2 love" printed on them.
so, now you see what i have been doing / thinking
whilst evading potential genuine feelings that could result in disaster (i will not explain any further- hence, evading)
recently heard that aquarius is romantic. also got a fortune cookie that told me not to put all my eggs into one basket. i accept this advice but not the one about bob dylan.
on verra.
i am thinking about underground rivers and lakes in the sky and stravinsky and dinosaurs and sunsets and air and screaming and katrina, the girl i named myself, with wings and dripping blue eyes, leaning to one side, her dress is a rectangle, i didn't know the other letters in my name besides "k a t", so i improvised.
-i wrote that, on an obvious whim, approx. 3 weeks ago. i think.
the weather is crummy
i need to write a letter
one to _____ and one to elizabeth. the _____ is university and probably wouldn't interest you, so don't try to fill in the blanks with boys' names etc
i had a thousand dreams last night
"everything i am is stolen. once it filters through you, it's yours." i can't help but think that most celebrities are really total losers and have lame personalities in real life, and don't act like anyone you would want to be around.
you may have picked up the hints that we have moved.
replace blinking radio tower with hissing, banging, whirring trains at night. replace trees with concrete and small yard to streets, and being hidden to being seen, being estranged to being an extension of something, my house to my baby. turn shadows to sunlight and hills to stairs and pitch-black to orange street lamps.
i can't get the advice out of my head that "you don't love bob dylan? you haven't been to college yet."
on the day we officially sold our house the real estate agent gave us jewelry and told us to go out to eat. the bracelet is heavy but i like it.
i was just thinking about simplicity and smoothing out kinks but then i thought of a robert frost poem- baptiste is admirable.
j'ai reussi l'examen oral en francais - en anglais, aussi- illustrates how once i do something, it's fine. it's fun seeing teachers moved to ecstacy but i won't take the praise for it publically. just give me my diploma and let me fly off.
we've been trying to make my room more loveable. mum is currently a boarder in the house. where are we going to put the futon????
the fire escape would look so much better painted eggplant, fade to fuscia.
i'm glad i have ivana around to remind me of the things i'm doing right, and what there is to look forward to. i hope she gets to be in a shampoo ad someday and i hope i can go to argentina with her someday, too.
i feel really bad when i cry around tupper. it happened twice lately. she said it really bothers her when things don't work out for me. i started crying in english class after giving blood and also when my jaw started hurting more than anything on the day of the om competition. on one hand it might traumatize her to see me collapse, but on the other hand it might reassure her that other people can be sad for real reasons, too. i sort of hate crying/ getting hurt around people in general. not because they are unpleasant things- i can do them just fine on my own- but i hate inconveniencing seven people to walk me to the nurse, yada yada.
found another old diary of my dad's. you can notice the difference between his really old ones, when he was living alone or in college, and the one that "xm" gave him. that's mum. dad's diction is funny. "april 17 saw movie 'cannery row', lousy movie, no justice to john steinbeck. april 19 cold + eventually snowy, didn't go to work- was invited to xm's for soiree, got a hair cut (actually, all of them). april 23 went traipsing about with xm to sino american restaurant, idaho springs. up to georgetown for cocktails + pool game with weirdo named kevin, a true s+m freak. wed april 28 neighbors angry with me cuz i was angry with them. oh well. may 11 did not go to work- went instead to denver with jim to see a good movie chariots of fire. may 12 started thinking seriously about wiring that one circuit at elsie's- still scared of it. gee, it's really snowing like a bitch." there was also a letter from the new yorker between some of the pages. apparently john brown wrote them a letter. also there is a " I <3 NY " sticker that someone, presumably xm, crossed out NY and wrote J.B.
i was positively tickled by the keychains being sold in a french magazine that had "i am able 2 love" printed on them.
so, now you see what i have been doing / thinking
whilst evading potential genuine feelings that could result in disaster (i will not explain any further- hence, evading)
recently heard that aquarius is romantic. also got a fortune cookie that told me not to put all my eggs into one basket. i accept this advice but not the one about bob dylan.
on verra.