(no subject)
life is fire, life is fantastic, life is awful, life is confusing, life is tricky.
i haven't written in here in awhile.
trying to think of updates. i have a job, i'm a moneymaker. making a record(!!!!), hanging out with anna and loving every minute of it, walking around the Food Tiger in the Bayou with huge Lady Gaga shades on,
i went to the beach the other day with anna, stephen smith, lauren beam, steven granger, and ryan adams. we had a great time, then went back to stephen's to play some weird drinking game. anna is always the life of the party, she's so cute and funny. i aspire to be like her. i need to stop talking about her though before people start thinking we're in love<3bahah.
i realized recently i have a lot of very loyal friends, who would probably fight to the death for me. that's totally unrelated though.
still semi-dealing with the elric situation, but he seems to have the right idea. we seriously cannot be around each other without terrible things occurring, you'd think we have learned by now.still double talking to save his life. i'm not going to be his great love, the one he wants, but has to get things out of his system. he's an idiot if he thinks that, i'm going to sit and wait for him. the sad thing is, i actually like his current girlfriend and sort of feel sorry for her for some shit that has gone down/things that have occurred. but i also know i don't owe her anything, and since she's young and naive she wouldn't believe me if i told her. he is such a grandiose liar and he's great at double talking. he always has been. "she's young and naive, she'll believe anything i tell her". when i saw him a two weeks ago at his house, i asked him why he would say that about her? he said, "she's not as naive as i originally thought." cool, maybe she's getting wise to your tricks, you fool.well, that about sums it up. i truly thought she was a bitch at first, but she's really not. she's a girl...just like me. i mean there are obvious differences but looking at her just makes me feel like i am looking at myself at eighteen. so i'm going to try not to look at them at all, and pretend he doesn't exist. it's much easier that way. i can't have him telling me loads of bullshit lies behind her back, and then...if i were to call him out on it, i'd look like the psycho. i have to suffer in silence while he builds castles made of sand. jesus, GOD. he's cheated on every single girlfriend he's ever had with me. every single one since we were fifteen years old. that's sad for him, but what's worse? is i let it occur. i need to break that fucking cycle in half.i will always love him, and maybe one day we can both grow up and get over the pain and heartbreak and just let whatever happens happen...but it won't be for a very long time.
i'm terribly smart, and definitely smarter than that kiddie mess.
so NEXT PLZ, LOL.
sometimes i can be incredibly stupid for someone who has such a good brain. i've been getting more active recently. listening to my instincts and not what people say to me. my armpits smell atrocious right now but that's completely unrelated.some of the things i write are incredibly astonishing sometimes. i think writing is the only thing i am confident in. somebody has been writing really funny things in my formspring. i don't have many/any? enemies so it's funny to me to see what the small contingency can come up with.
if someone calls me a scene queen one more time though i may throw up on 'em.
MAY 24TH CAITLIN BENDER IS KICKING OFF HER SUMMER TOUR! COME SEE CAITLIN, ME AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE PLAY AT TODD AND MARK'S HOUSE. USUAL TIME, USUAL PRICE (WHICH IS NOTHING)
okay now that i am done self promoting myself, i am going to go dip my fingers that i burned on a ciggarette into something soothing. (not semen, faggots)
loveeeeee