Shit cakes.
SHITTIEST. day. EVER.
This is going to end up being one of those emo-blogs that jane was talking about earlier, but i need to talk about it, i guess, AGAIN, and i just feel its significant enough to write about. skip it if you want.
so i was tired, angry, and sad when i got to school today, which didnt help anything, i admit, but i couldnt help it. i was tired from the concert, still *slightly* angry about mr. street and that i left my book in his classroom, and sad about...well, id rather not talk about the person behind their back, but well, emma basically said she didnt think the concert was worth missing school for and told everyone, which didnt make me feel great because i invited her to it. but maybe she didnt say that at all, maybe everyone was joking and trying to get me mad, because i didnt hear this directly from her. so dont go spreading that. ANYWAY, i wasnt in the best state at the start of the day. the first semi-awkward thing was when i went up to get my notebook out of the desk in street's room, he had already found it (so he knew my studing was perhaps not completely up to par) and he THREW it at me. like threw it so it hit my arms to keep it from hitting me and it made a really loud SLAP when it hit the desk in front of me. yeah, he was still mad.
so then later jane and i missed the college meeting in the wean room during advisory. we didnt know about it, and none of the advisors on our floor did either, so ms. grant basically said if we got in trouble it was her fault and that we could stay and hang, which was nice. but i still feel bad about missing it. even though i had a nice convo with jane.
i thought the history test was semi-hard (esp. the first half...the second half was easier), but nothing to worry about, but i thought the chem test was IMPOSSIBLE. people seem to think it was either soooo easy or completely impossible, and i HAD to be in the latter group. i was getting pretty upset actually, because i dont think i did a single one completely correct, and im entirely expecting a 1. which i dont need now. so then i RAN to area studies and almost passed out because i havent done athsma stuff in a while. area studies was fun though, we laughed a lot today.
but then...mr street was like, "all of you, get out of here, chelsea, stay," when the period was over. my head was going "shit shit shit..." because i knew what it was about. heres the convo (maybe not EXACT, but extremely close...lines alternate):
STREET-so i wanted to discuss--
CHELSEA- i know, ive been expecting it.
-ok. i just wanted you to know that i think missing school is unacceptable. tell me why you missed again?
-i went to a concert tuesday night, and my mom decided to book a hotel room because she didnt want to drive two hours home late at night.
-so you went to a concert with your mom?
-yes.
-well [moves over to close classroom door and comes back] its just that in your leadership essay you asked only for senior prefect and then prefect--
-i didnt say that.
-you didn't?
-no. i said i would like senior prefect or prefect, and then i stated other choices, which is what you asked me to do.
-oh. well, i apologize then. im very sorry. (he was kinda making a big deal out of apologizing.) I just thought you should know that that sort of behavior is not prefect material, and i think you should have considered that before making the choice of missing school. Frankly, im disappointed.
-ok. i totally see your point, but because i consider myself a hard-working student, i thought it would be ok to miss a single day of school for a reason like this. i decided to miss because there was nothing terribly important going on that day, and it was a wednesday too. if it had been another day of the week, i would have come in, just later. if there was anything special or important going on that day, i wouldnt have missed. i thought one night of fun was worth it, and music is something thats very important to me.
-ok. im probably overreacting, maybe im taking this too seriously, but i just think that missing school for something like that is not what a prefect would do. i consider all absences unnecessary (he said something of that sort), and that schoolwork trumps all other situations.
-oh, i COMPLETELY agree with schoolwork. schoolwork is the most important thing in my life [it is too, which is the really sad part]. but its the fact that i hardly ever miss school and that this was something important to me, i thought it would be ok to do this. i apologize, but thats the way i feel. i really dont think that it was a crime.
-i didnt say it was a crime.
-i know, but i dont feel something like this should determine the value of my character or whether or not id be a good prefect.
-ok then, you can go now. have a good day. [he said this really light-hearted and cheery, and not like sarcastic at all. he even held the door for me.]
UGH. the NERVE. i really wasnt upset about it then, and im actually really proud of myself for the way i acted and talked, because i feel like i got everything i wanted to say out in a polite and pretty acceptable way. and i was 100% cool and calm, and it was GREAT. I was really happy. i went up to jose after and relayed him what happened and we laughed about it. it was still a shit day, but i felt like i handled it really well. (and that IS really what was said, i swear the stack of my records, CDs, ipods, books, and camera. i didnt inflate it to make me sound all cool and him like a butthole).
Notice how i didnt mention emma went, and how i noted that i went with my mom. street doesnt know my mom, so he probably thinks that it was a classical or jazz concert or something, something semi-educational, possibly. you could tell he was surpised i said that. im glad he doesnt know her. if he knew she was so hard-core rock and 14 yrs old, he would have been madder, i think.
but then i went to the sci bi after jobs to go to my locker and we were waiting outside to get in and i saw anne come up. i guess i looked angry or something because she asked what was wrong and i just lost it. AGAIN. i exploded. katie and anne and alex and emma were sooo nice to me, but i think i scared jose because we were just laughing about it 20 mins before. i didnt really lose it because i was worried about how the whole thing will effect the outcome of senior job choices or anything, i actually could care 9pretty much) less about that right now, i was crying because its been a total shit week (minus the concert, but that even had crap attached to it, and still does) and the chem test and ive been depressed for the past 2 days and i dont know WHY and people have been getting me mad...and oh, i needed it. and by then it really had sunk in that mr street basically said i had lost his "vote" for prefect. not that that was my main concern (im really not that obsessed, i promise), but that really did upset me, because now he thinks im a shit person, and no one wants that from anyone. and it was just everything. if it had been a good week, then i wouldnt have exploded like that at all.
but i really hate crying. everyones like "are you ok??" and think youre a weirdo, and i look like ive stabbed myself in the eye for HOURS after. i still look all red and puffy and that was 3 hrs ago.
what really gets me are two things. one is that it was sooooo obviously a TEST of my character. he noted how i was standing and how i said things and how mt voice was. it was SOOO a TEST. a freaking TEST. and i passed with flying colors. i cant tell you how proud i am, because a year or so ago i probably would have melted and blundered, etc. (well, because of street, anyway. hes scarier than your average person. i actually am more comfortable around adults than kids, but its STREET.) so im not worried about that. but i thought it was a pretty pathetic attempt, however sneaky. besides, he sent me off so cheerily and accomplished-like, like he got all the info he needed. grr.
and the second thing that pissed me off (more than the first one) is that he thought he was overreacting and that he was taking it way too seriously, too. THEN WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL WORSE ABOUT IT?? he know PERFECTLY well i feel guilty for every thing thats ever happened on the face of the earth in my lifetime, and he KNOWS that i would be at least semi-upset by it once i left the room. so i feel like i was almost taken advantage of, and that he made me feel worse just because he could.
so people kept asking me what was wrong, which got me angry all over again every time i had to explain it (so i looked even more like a pink cream puff). but ms woodward was the best. she made me hot chocolate and we talked and made me feel 100% better to the max. anne, thank her for me again. she gave me such a confidence boost and made me feel so much better that i cried again, but this time for the goodness of people (i cry at that more than anything else in the world, it seems). my mom even bought me a hot cookie from ms. fields. and my brother said this, which totally sums it up:
-"well. he sounds pretty much like a butthole."
it was GREAT. and no, i dont hate mr street, i actually like him a whole lot, i just thought he overreacted and his attempts were pathetic and somewhat slightly malicious. but i did tell my brother to hit mr street in the baby-makers next lacrosse practice (hes assistant coach, and my brother attacked mr gaudet the other day in the "baby-makers" according to evan), just for revenge purposes.
well, i g2g, news and HW, and maybe BB Mtn. later so i can cry my eyes out AGAIN and look like a red panda tomorrow in school
This is going to end up being one of those emo-blogs that jane was talking about earlier, but i need to talk about it, i guess, AGAIN, and i just feel its significant enough to write about. skip it if you want.
so i was tired, angry, and sad when i got to school today, which didnt help anything, i admit, but i couldnt help it. i was tired from the concert, still *slightly* angry about mr. street and that i left my book in his classroom, and sad about...well, id rather not talk about the person behind their back, but well, emma basically said she didnt think the concert was worth missing school for and told everyone, which didnt make me feel great because i invited her to it. but maybe she didnt say that at all, maybe everyone was joking and trying to get me mad, because i didnt hear this directly from her. so dont go spreading that. ANYWAY, i wasnt in the best state at the start of the day. the first semi-awkward thing was when i went up to get my notebook out of the desk in street's room, he had already found it (so he knew my studing was perhaps not completely up to par) and he THREW it at me. like threw it so it hit my arms to keep it from hitting me and it made a really loud SLAP when it hit the desk in front of me. yeah, he was still mad.
so then later jane and i missed the college meeting in the wean room during advisory. we didnt know about it, and none of the advisors on our floor did either, so ms. grant basically said if we got in trouble it was her fault and that we could stay and hang, which was nice. but i still feel bad about missing it. even though i had a nice convo with jane.
i thought the history test was semi-hard (esp. the first half...the second half was easier), but nothing to worry about, but i thought the chem test was IMPOSSIBLE. people seem to think it was either soooo easy or completely impossible, and i HAD to be in the latter group. i was getting pretty upset actually, because i dont think i did a single one completely correct, and im entirely expecting a 1. which i dont need now. so then i RAN to area studies and almost passed out because i havent done athsma stuff in a while. area studies was fun though, we laughed a lot today.
but then...mr street was like, "all of you, get out of here, chelsea, stay," when the period was over. my head was going "shit shit shit..." because i knew what it was about. heres the convo (maybe not EXACT, but extremely close...lines alternate):
STREET-so i wanted to discuss--
CHELSEA- i know, ive been expecting it.
-ok. i just wanted you to know that i think missing school is unacceptable. tell me why you missed again?
-i went to a concert tuesday night, and my mom decided to book a hotel room because she didnt want to drive two hours home late at night.
-so you went to a concert with your mom?
-yes.
-well [moves over to close classroom door and comes back] its just that in your leadership essay you asked only for senior prefect and then prefect--
-i didnt say that.
-you didn't?
-no. i said i would like senior prefect or prefect, and then i stated other choices, which is what you asked me to do.
-oh. well, i apologize then. im very sorry. (he was kinda making a big deal out of apologizing.) I just thought you should know that that sort of behavior is not prefect material, and i think you should have considered that before making the choice of missing school. Frankly, im disappointed.
-ok. i totally see your point, but because i consider myself a hard-working student, i thought it would be ok to miss a single day of school for a reason like this. i decided to miss because there was nothing terribly important going on that day, and it was a wednesday too. if it had been another day of the week, i would have come in, just later. if there was anything special or important going on that day, i wouldnt have missed. i thought one night of fun was worth it, and music is something thats very important to me.
-ok. im probably overreacting, maybe im taking this too seriously, but i just think that missing school for something like that is not what a prefect would do. i consider all absences unnecessary (he said something of that sort), and that schoolwork trumps all other situations.
-oh, i COMPLETELY agree with schoolwork. schoolwork is the most important thing in my life [it is too, which is the really sad part]. but its the fact that i hardly ever miss school and that this was something important to me, i thought it would be ok to do this. i apologize, but thats the way i feel. i really dont think that it was a crime.
-i didnt say it was a crime.
-i know, but i dont feel something like this should determine the value of my character or whether or not id be a good prefect.
-ok then, you can go now. have a good day. [he said this really light-hearted and cheery, and not like sarcastic at all. he even held the door for me.]
UGH. the NERVE. i really wasnt upset about it then, and im actually really proud of myself for the way i acted and talked, because i feel like i got everything i wanted to say out in a polite and pretty acceptable way. and i was 100% cool and calm, and it was GREAT. I was really happy. i went up to jose after and relayed him what happened and we laughed about it. it was still a shit day, but i felt like i handled it really well. (and that IS really what was said, i swear the stack of my records, CDs, ipods, books, and camera. i didnt inflate it to make me sound all cool and him like a butthole).
Notice how i didnt mention emma went, and how i noted that i went with my mom. street doesnt know my mom, so he probably thinks that it was a classical or jazz concert or something, something semi-educational, possibly. you could tell he was surpised i said that. im glad he doesnt know her. if he knew she was so hard-core rock and 14 yrs old, he would have been madder, i think.
but then i went to the sci bi after jobs to go to my locker and we were waiting outside to get in and i saw anne come up. i guess i looked angry or something because she asked what was wrong and i just lost it. AGAIN. i exploded. katie and anne and alex and emma were sooo nice to me, but i think i scared jose because we were just laughing about it 20 mins before. i didnt really lose it because i was worried about how the whole thing will effect the outcome of senior job choices or anything, i actually could care 9pretty much) less about that right now, i was crying because its been a total shit week (minus the concert, but that even had crap attached to it, and still does) and the chem test and ive been depressed for the past 2 days and i dont know WHY and people have been getting me mad...and oh, i needed it. and by then it really had sunk in that mr street basically said i had lost his "vote" for prefect. not that that was my main concern (im really not that obsessed, i promise), but that really did upset me, because now he thinks im a shit person, and no one wants that from anyone. and it was just everything. if it had been a good week, then i wouldnt have exploded like that at all.
but i really hate crying. everyones like "are you ok??" and think youre a weirdo, and i look like ive stabbed myself in the eye for HOURS after. i still look all red and puffy and that was 3 hrs ago.
what really gets me are two things. one is that it was sooooo obviously a TEST of my character. he noted how i was standing and how i said things and how mt voice was. it was SOOO a TEST. a freaking TEST. and i passed with flying colors. i cant tell you how proud i am, because a year or so ago i probably would have melted and blundered, etc. (well, because of street, anyway. hes scarier than your average person. i actually am more comfortable around adults than kids, but its STREET.) so im not worried about that. but i thought it was a pretty pathetic attempt, however sneaky. besides, he sent me off so cheerily and accomplished-like, like he got all the info he needed. grr.
and the second thing that pissed me off (more than the first one) is that he thought he was overreacting and that he was taking it way too seriously, too. THEN WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL WORSE ABOUT IT?? he know PERFECTLY well i feel guilty for every thing thats ever happened on the face of the earth in my lifetime, and he KNOWS that i would be at least semi-upset by it once i left the room. so i feel like i was almost taken advantage of, and that he made me feel worse just because he could.
so people kept asking me what was wrong, which got me angry all over again every time i had to explain it (so i looked even more like a pink cream puff). but ms woodward was the best. she made me hot chocolate and we talked and made me feel 100% better to the max. anne, thank her for me again. she gave me such a confidence boost and made me feel so much better that i cried again, but this time for the goodness of people (i cry at that more than anything else in the world, it seems). my mom even bought me a hot cookie from ms. fields. and my brother said this, which totally sums it up:
-"well. he sounds pretty much like a butthole."
it was GREAT. and no, i dont hate mr street, i actually like him a whole lot, i just thought he overreacted and his attempts were pathetic and somewhat slightly malicious. but i did tell my brother to hit mr street in the baby-makers next lacrosse practice (hes assistant coach, and my brother attacked mr gaudet the other day in the "baby-makers" according to evan), just for revenge purposes.
well, i g2g, news and HW, and maybe BB Mtn. later so i can cry my eyes out AGAIN and look like a red panda tomorrow in school