(no subject)

Sep 29, 2006 16:47

long story, if you don't know, i will eventually tell you. bottom line is that Shaun and i are broken up at the moment. and i don't care what people tell me and what people think of my decisions, but i'm not giving up on him. and please don't tell me that he doesn't deserve me and i could do much better, because i don't really want to hear it. yeah, i gave a lot and got litle in return, but to me, it was the perfect relationship. people who know me know how much i like helping people. i like to believe in the best of people and help them overcome things. that's why i loved me and Shaun's relationship, he needed me there to keep him from messing up. i was important and to others it may seem like a crappy relationship, but it was just what i wanted. things are messed up right now, but i believe that with time and faith and love, things will get better and Shaun will realize what he has done and what he wants. when he does and he apologizes to me, we'll see what happens. till then, i'm not giving up. scorn me if you want, tell me to move on and forget it and think whatever you want. but if you know me, i can't do that. i've never given up on a person, no matter how bad they have hurt me. i can't do that. so i guess i'm just going to do what i want to do and keep hoping and praying for him to come around because there's nothing else i know to do. and if things work out between us later and he changes and everything works out for the better and we're together, don't ridicule me for my decisions. i'm smart and i know what i am doing. i know when to back off and when to get in a persons face. i don't know why i feel this need to defend myself. i guess it's because somethings telling me it's going to work out between us and when that happens, i know some people will never understand why i went back to him. i shouldn't need to explain myself, especially now when all this is new and i don't know what the future will bring. i just don't want to face everyone telling me to give up on a person. i can't.

whatever, i don't need to explain myself, my actions or my thoughts. i'm just not giving up on him, despite it all.

i need to go pack a bag to stay in Belleville for the weekend. aunt wendy and uncle jerry are going out of town and asked me to watch the dogs, so i have to stay there and take care of them. i don't think i'll be there all day everyday, but i just don't want to drive back and forth a few times a day, so i'd rather stay out there. that also means i could stay out as late as i want. but then again, who am i going to go out with? i really wish everything wasn't so screwed up, i want it back to how it was a month ago..
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