i'm only pretty sure, that i can't take anymore..
I am super depressed.
I hate feeling like this. I honestly thought that I was getting better. I have been lately. I guess the realization that I am truly a failure has really sunken in. I wish that I was doing something productive with my life. Maybe I would feel better if I had a real job that I worked at everyday and made actual money. Not a shit job where I make $6.50 per hour and only work 2 days a week. The only thing that is keeping me going is Shaun. Even though the thought of him being gone for another week gets me even more down. I'm just trying to look forward to the weekend. But I have to work until nine so I'll have to wait until then to see him. I wish I wasn't such a mess up. Why can't I be something better than what I am? I feel like a lazy piece of trash that no one cares about. I feel like my own family could care less about me. I think Shaun's mom cares about me more than my own. I wish my parents were more understanding. I hate being home. I need to move out. I think I would instantly feel a million times better if I didn't have to be here everyday. Just being here makes me depressed. Time goes by so slow and I feel like I'm constantly looking at the clock wishing the time would go by faster. I hate my life and I hate myself and I hate being here. My life is so messed up and all I feel like doing is crying right now.
I think I should pray.
I hate feeling like this. I honestly thought that I was getting better. I have been lately. I guess the realization that I am truly a failure has really sunken in. I wish that I was doing something productive with my life. Maybe I would feel better if I had a real job that I worked at everyday and made actual money. Not a shit job where I make $6.50 per hour and only work 2 days a week. The only thing that is keeping me going is Shaun. Even though the thought of him being gone for another week gets me even more down. I'm just trying to look forward to the weekend. But I have to work until nine so I'll have to wait until then to see him. I wish I wasn't such a mess up. Why can't I be something better than what I am? I feel like a lazy piece of trash that no one cares about. I feel like my own family could care less about me. I think Shaun's mom cares about me more than my own. I wish my parents were more understanding. I hate being home. I need to move out. I think I would instantly feel a million times better if I didn't have to be here everyday. Just being here makes me depressed. Time goes by so slow and I feel like I'm constantly looking at the clock wishing the time would go by faster. I hate my life and I hate myself and I hate being here. My life is so messed up and all I feel like doing is crying right now.
I think I should pray.