(no subject)
i'm so fucking depressed right now. i just don't know what to do with myself. i have to leave hana tropicals. the fact is that i can no longer afford to feed myself. we're supposed to get eggs and we're supposed to get vegetables but we get neither. i work 25 hours a week and have nothing to show for it. i blew through my savings in six weeks buying food. i had to ask my parents for money today. it's fucking embarrassing. i'm 23 years old and i came out here to try to be self-sufficient and i had to call mommy to have her put money in my account so i don't starve. i'm moving to another farm where i will be working half the hours for the same shit--no food. this is such crap. i hate this so much. i don't want to leave but i really have no choice. i'm going to miss it here so much. i'm going to be so lonely, living alone again. i was getting so used to having roommates, to having people around me constantly. now i'll have my own cabin in the jungle. which is nice, don't get me wrong. it will be nice to have my own space. but i don't want my own space anymore. i want people in my face crowding me all the time. but i just can't bring myself to mooch off my parents.
fuck. this blows. so much.
fuck. this blows. so much.