blah be de blah blah
my winter depression came late this year. nearly two months late to be exact. i don't even know what's wrong with me really...it just feels like everything and everyone around me is pushing forward while i'm absentmindedly putting on the brakes.
i yearn for summer. i yearn to be done with work (which may come sooner than planned due to my own laziness and stupidity). i yearn for motivation. motivation to get all these monumental tasks i have set before me completed.
it occurs to me that i have so much to feel happy for and to look forward to, and yet here i am this mopey little spec on everyones radar complaining, yet again, about an annual bout of depression.
i need to stop spending money so frivilously. i need to stop lending people money when i don't have it, espescially to those who are incapable of paying me back when i actually need them to. i'm too nice to bring it up though, i just let them continue to owe me day after day after day after day after day.
having the flu and lying in bed for 5 days without even the urge to watch tv made me think about a lot of things i hadn't really had the time to think about. now i have this bad attitude toward a lot of stuff and people. it made me realize how truly out of place i feel at school and work sometimes, and that my life has fallen into such a routine. there's no surprises anymore. i'm just at this point where i'm waiting for something to push me forward, when i should just do it myself.
i'm going to have a new baby cousin. 7 months from now. i think this is might be what i've been looking for. a sign, or inspiration to do something.
i've finally come to appreciate this livejournal. i'm going to try and not write in it just for the "entertainment" of others, but more for myself. although, i suppose if i'm going to do that i might as well just get an actual physical journal and do that...but i would never invest myself into it...
i yearn for summer. i yearn to be done with work (which may come sooner than planned due to my own laziness and stupidity). i yearn for motivation. motivation to get all these monumental tasks i have set before me completed.
it occurs to me that i have so much to feel happy for and to look forward to, and yet here i am this mopey little spec on everyones radar complaining, yet again, about an annual bout of depression.
i need to stop spending money so frivilously. i need to stop lending people money when i don't have it, espescially to those who are incapable of paying me back when i actually need them to. i'm too nice to bring it up though, i just let them continue to owe me day after day after day after day after day.
having the flu and lying in bed for 5 days without even the urge to watch tv made me think about a lot of things i hadn't really had the time to think about. now i have this bad attitude toward a lot of stuff and people. it made me realize how truly out of place i feel at school and work sometimes, and that my life has fallen into such a routine. there's no surprises anymore. i'm just at this point where i'm waiting for something to push me forward, when i should just do it myself.
i'm going to have a new baby cousin. 7 months from now. i think this is might be what i've been looking for. a sign, or inspiration to do something.
i've finally come to appreciate this livejournal. i'm going to try and not write in it just for the "entertainment" of others, but more for myself. although, i suppose if i'm going to do that i might as well just get an actual physical journal and do that...but i would never invest myself into it...