An email got longer and I like to whine.
I rather dislike my literary
theory teacher. She is wrong. She is very wrong. Worse than that, she
thinks she's interesting. She's only slightly better than gangster rap
and if you don't know my feelings on that, I think it's a bit pointless
though I realize some people find meaning in it. We've covered a good
number of theories in the class. We started with a few minutes on what
liberal humanism is and why its only significance as a theory is that it
was first. In Structuralism I learned that a book cannot be enjoyed or
understood without knowing the context within which it was written,
time, place, government, weather, etc. Post Structuralism apparently
decided Structuralists were pansies and needed more structure. They
also liked to look into the word choice for every meaning
that could be dredged out of it. In Postmodernism people decided to
throw shit at the wall and do away with things like clear ideas. Books
were more like poetry, poetry was more like nonsense, and the focus was
on feelings more than content. I felt confused so mission
accomplished. We skipped Psychoanalytic criticism because Freud was a
hack and nobody follows that one anymore. We read Feminist Criticism
which made the women manly and the men stupid and shallow. It also made
me want to hit a woman, specifically the teacher, and say "This is
silly. Stop it." Then came Queer theory which confused me because I've
been told that queer is offensive now, whatever. In Queer theory I
learned that everyone was gay and if I didn't agree that was ok because
they were gay anyway. Today was Marxism and I was kicked out of class.
I haven't sworn in this, I find that odd. I usually cuss up a
storm.
Further discussion
So
we've gone over what I've learned, or what I haven't as the case may
be. I believe that my trouble with this class stems from the subject
matter. I do not agree with these theories. There are a few bits I can
pick out but there is nothing concrete in there, not even a majority
that I can use as a label like I do for my political stance. The one I
felt most in tune with was Liberal Humanism, the one that had no worth.
The reason for it was that it seemed to think that a book ought to be
timeless and not require any knowledge of anything outside of the book.
This may be impossible, but it is the sort of impossible dream that I
have. Timelessness. Of course that theory is worthless, let's move on
to the gay. Well no thank you teacher, I do not want to move on to the
gay. When I first read The Merchant of Venice I
did not think Antonio and Bassanio were gay. I can understand why you
might think they are though. I've met my fair share of yaoi fangirls
who will pair up any character who turn any feeling other than
complete anonymity into burning passion. That's no reason to shove your
theory down my throat though, also please do not ask why I say
something when I'm giving you the answer you said earlier. The answer
to your why will not be worth listening to.
I
understand why I was kicked out today. I wasn't sociable, I hadn't done
the reading, I fell asleep. That last one probably did it. I'm not
really angry about that, it's just another ember on the smoldering fire
of my growing hatred and fury. I was up all night writing the paper due
in your class. I haven't had a good night sleep in awhile now since in
the last seven days I've
had five papers due. I have a large test on monday
for a class that I'm really struggling in, a big project for the other
class I have on monday that makes me think teaching might be a slightly
worse option than cutting my wrists, a paper on tuesday
and thursday, I put those together because they're papers for the same
class. Two in a week for one class, what kind of sadistic person would
do that? Wednesday I have a little free time to spend with friends
though I do have another round of the class I struggle with. Friday is a
paper and here's a surprise, next Saturday I have another paper and a test. You know what the test is, it's a paper written in class.
Here's
another thing. I have to do volunteer work at schools, I need thirty
hours. Teacher wants us to spend time with special ed kids, but ones
like you'll be teaching when you're a teacher. I'll be teaching
literature, possibly even writing. If the child cannot spell his or
her own name then I don't see how these two things connect. Besides, I
can't work in schools without my fingerprints getting into the system.
It's been two months and nothing yet. Forty dollars thank you very
much, I do wish they'd hurry.
So excuse
me for falling asleep in your class, life has been going very oddly
lately. I'm sorry I could not do the reading. Oh, speaking of
readings, what do you mean "only ten pages"? It's sixteen pages, but
not just sixteen, no. It is sixteen pages of thick British textbook on
literature theories that doesn't distinguish where the history lesson
stops and the theory ends. It's pretty substantial. And if I remember
correctly, you also said that you wanted us to "reread The Merchant of Venice after
every theory
reading". That is seventy five pages on its own. so forgive me if I
did not read your ninety-one pages this week. Forgive me if I couldn't
manage that with all my other work. Forgive me if I was still stuck on
Feminist Criticism after reading it several dozen times as I wrote the
paper. Or don't. I don't care. I think you're an unpleasant, argumentative shrew. Oh,
and I'm pretty sure that no, men in Shakespeare's time did not all have
men to go have sex with. In fact, I find the fact that you said they
did not have mistresses to cheat on their wives with as a precursor
almost unbelievably foolish. There were assuredly gay men in England
back then. They most assuredly had male lovers even if they were
married. All men are not the same as some men. There were assuredly
men who had a mistress on the side, proving your statement false in one
fell swoop. There also must have been some men completely loyal to
their wives. Further dismantling your cage of ignorance. Also, despite
what you may think, the ancient Greeks did not all go about sodomizing
young boys. Sorry to burst your bubble.