Fic: Divided (Gen)
Title: Divided
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this
Rating: PG-13
Summary: There is a growing rift between Sam and Dean
Characters: Sam and Dean Winchester
Word Count: 1,218
A/N: Mirroring scenes from 4.03 and 4.08 with added commentary
Another job, another person they should have been trying to save and here they were again jumping the gun - they were going to kill an innocent man, a man who had no control of what he was becoming, and Dean didn’t even want to give him a chance. Sam couldn’t just sit by and not say anything, how could he - they’d never just killed innocent people before, no matter what they were becoming. They were supposed to be saving people, hunting things - not killing innocents. Otherwise what was the point of this hell they put themselves thought? Why go to all the trouble of helping if they were just going to kill innocent people in the end?
“This is what I mean, Sam.” Dean’s voice cut through Sam’s doubts. “Are you sure your emotions aren’t getting in the way here?”
“What are you talking about?” Sam was sure they’d just been talking about Jack, about the man Dean wanted to burn alive, the man who hadn’t hurt anyone.
“You know, nice dude, but he’s got something evil in side him, something in his blood. Maybe you can relate.”
“Stop the car.” Sam hadn’t been this angry since they were teenagers, not since some of the fights he used to have with John, never with Dean.
“What?” Whatever response Dean had been expecting that wasn’t it.
“Stop the car, or I will.” Sam threatened; he needed to get out, to breathe, to put some space between them. He launched himself out of the car when Dean rolled to a stop on the side of the road. “You wanna know why I’ve been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this.”
“Like what?” Dean had taken up the offensive now.
“The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I’m a freak.” He’d been holding all this in for too long now, he’d known - he’d known Dean had been scared of him, scared even before yellow-eyes shipped him and the other psychic kids off on his little survivor challenge. It was always building up waiting to spill out.
“I do not.
“You know, or even worse, like I’m an idiot, like I don’t know the difference between right and wrong.” Sam had always known, he’d always been the one in the family who held firm to his grasp of right and wrong. He’d always known he was on the side of the right. Of course that was before he learned about the demon blood inside him, but he’d been doing his best even after all that to stay right.
They both stood tense for a moment, ready for the other to attack.
“Do you know the difference, Sam?” Dean started first. “I mean you’ve been kinda strolling a dark road lately.”
“You have no idea what I’m going through - none.” Sam cut Dean off, He couldn’t just stand there letting Dean tell him he was on his way to hell, that he didn’t understand what he was doing.
“Well then enlighten me.”
“I’ve got demon blood in me, Dean.” Sam started before Dean had even finished talking. “This disease pumping through my veins and I can’t ever rip it out or scrub it clean. I am a whole new level of freak. And I’m just trying to take this … this curse and make something good out of it.” He took a long breath, like he was finally glad to have said this, to have told Dean. “Because I have to.”
Dean wouldn’t understand, Sam knew that already, but he didn’t need to lie to him anymore.
“Let’s just go talk to the guy.” Sam snorted, just like Dean, back to business like none of this had happened. “I mean Jack.”
“You were right.” Dean had stopped on the dock just as Sam was heading for the car.
“About what?” This sudden confession confusing him more than anything else.
“I shouldn’t have lied to you.” Sam frowned, he wasn’t sure he understood what Dean meant. “I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit - everything.” He sighed not meeting his brother’s eyes.
“So tell me about it.” Sam had known, always known that Dean remembered, it was just too easy, to convenient that he forgot it all, but he was going to be here to help his brother as much as he could.
“No,” Sam started to interrupt, but Dean cut him off. “I won’t lie anymore but I’m not going to talk about it.” He said it like that was it, like there wasn’t anything else to say after that.
“Dean, you can’t just shoulder this thing alone, you gotta let me help.” That’s what Sam did, that’s what he always did. If he couldn’t help Dean he didn’t know what he was still doing here - apart from tagging after his big brother.
“Help? You really think a little heart to heart, some sharing and caring is going to change anything, hmm?” Dean paused for a moment like he was worried about getting carried away. “Will somehow heal me? I am not talking about a bad day here.”
“I know that.” And Sam did know that, he knew Hell wasn’t just some bad day, something you just got over, but he couldn’t wrap his mind around Dean not wanting to talk about this.
“The things that I saw … there aren’t words, there is not forgetting and there’s no making it better. Because it’s right here - forever. You wouldn’t understand, and I can’t make you understand. I’m sorry.”
That hurt, hurt more than Sam wanted to admit. It had always been Sam and Dean since he could remember. Dean was there taking care of him and he was there taking care of Dean - of course Dean was doing most of the work, but that was just the way things were.
But they’d always been able to talk to each other when something was wrong - after a hard job, when they couldn’t save everyone. They were always there for each other. And now suddenly Dean couldn’t talk to him? Because he wouldn’t understand? It cut Sam right to his center to know that his brother was carrying this weight he couldn’t share.
They never hid things from one another. In fact Dean had taken a sort of perverse pleasure in making sure he never hid anything from Sam during their teen years. Sam always got to hear about the waitress with the big tits or the girl at the drive through with the butt that just made your mouth water. Dean told Sam everything - always.
And Sam was the same way, he didn’t know any better. Not that he went to the same extremes as his brother, but the intent was there all the same.
And now, now they were suddenly keeping things from one another. And it wasn’t just about the girl at the counter, this time it was something big, something that they should have shared.
But he wouldn’t understand, there aren’t words, because I can’t make you understand.
Despite everything they are drifting apart. And these secrets only drive home the size of the growing rift between them. Only serve as a marker for the things that are pulling them apart more and more with each passing day.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this
Rating: PG-13
Summary: There is a growing rift between Sam and Dean
Characters: Sam and Dean Winchester
Word Count: 1,218
A/N: Mirroring scenes from 4.03 and 4.08 with added commentary
Another job, another person they should have been trying to save and here they were again jumping the gun - they were going to kill an innocent man, a man who had no control of what he was becoming, and Dean didn’t even want to give him a chance. Sam couldn’t just sit by and not say anything, how could he - they’d never just killed innocent people before, no matter what they were becoming. They were supposed to be saving people, hunting things - not killing innocents. Otherwise what was the point of this hell they put themselves thought? Why go to all the trouble of helping if they were just going to kill innocent people in the end?
“This is what I mean, Sam.” Dean’s voice cut through Sam’s doubts. “Are you sure your emotions aren’t getting in the way here?”
“What are you talking about?” Sam was sure they’d just been talking about Jack, about the man Dean wanted to burn alive, the man who hadn’t hurt anyone.
“You know, nice dude, but he’s got something evil in side him, something in his blood. Maybe you can relate.”
“Stop the car.” Sam hadn’t been this angry since they were teenagers, not since some of the fights he used to have with John, never with Dean.
“What?” Whatever response Dean had been expecting that wasn’t it.
“Stop the car, or I will.” Sam threatened; he needed to get out, to breathe, to put some space between them. He launched himself out of the car when Dean rolled to a stop on the side of the road. “You wanna know why I’ve been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this.”
“Like what?” Dean had taken up the offensive now.
“The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I’m a freak.” He’d been holding all this in for too long now, he’d known - he’d known Dean had been scared of him, scared even before yellow-eyes shipped him and the other psychic kids off on his little survivor challenge. It was always building up waiting to spill out.
“I do not.
“You know, or even worse, like I’m an idiot, like I don’t know the difference between right and wrong.” Sam had always known, he’d always been the one in the family who held firm to his grasp of right and wrong. He’d always known he was on the side of the right. Of course that was before he learned about the demon blood inside him, but he’d been doing his best even after all that to stay right.
They both stood tense for a moment, ready for the other to attack.
“Do you know the difference, Sam?” Dean started first. “I mean you’ve been kinda strolling a dark road lately.”
“You have no idea what I’m going through - none.” Sam cut Dean off, He couldn’t just stand there letting Dean tell him he was on his way to hell, that he didn’t understand what he was doing.
“Well then enlighten me.”
“I’ve got demon blood in me, Dean.” Sam started before Dean had even finished talking. “This disease pumping through my veins and I can’t ever rip it out or scrub it clean. I am a whole new level of freak. And I’m just trying to take this … this curse and make something good out of it.” He took a long breath, like he was finally glad to have said this, to have told Dean. “Because I have to.”
Dean wouldn’t understand, Sam knew that already, but he didn’t need to lie to him anymore.
“Let’s just go talk to the guy.” Sam snorted, just like Dean, back to business like none of this had happened. “I mean Jack.”
“You were right.” Dean had stopped on the dock just as Sam was heading for the car.
“About what?” This sudden confession confusing him more than anything else.
“I shouldn’t have lied to you.” Sam frowned, he wasn’t sure he understood what Dean meant. “I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit - everything.” He sighed not meeting his brother’s eyes.
“So tell me about it.” Sam had known, always known that Dean remembered, it was just too easy, to convenient that he forgot it all, but he was going to be here to help his brother as much as he could.
“No,” Sam started to interrupt, but Dean cut him off. “I won’t lie anymore but I’m not going to talk about it.” He said it like that was it, like there wasn’t anything else to say after that.
“Dean, you can’t just shoulder this thing alone, you gotta let me help.” That’s what Sam did, that’s what he always did. If he couldn’t help Dean he didn’t know what he was still doing here - apart from tagging after his big brother.
“Help? You really think a little heart to heart, some sharing and caring is going to change anything, hmm?” Dean paused for a moment like he was worried about getting carried away. “Will somehow heal me? I am not talking about a bad day here.”
“I know that.” And Sam did know that, he knew Hell wasn’t just some bad day, something you just got over, but he couldn’t wrap his mind around Dean not wanting to talk about this.
“The things that I saw … there aren’t words, there is not forgetting and there’s no making it better. Because it’s right here - forever. You wouldn’t understand, and I can’t make you understand. I’m sorry.”
That hurt, hurt more than Sam wanted to admit. It had always been Sam and Dean since he could remember. Dean was there taking care of him and he was there taking care of Dean - of course Dean was doing most of the work, but that was just the way things were.
But they’d always been able to talk to each other when something was wrong - after a hard job, when they couldn’t save everyone. They were always there for each other. And now suddenly Dean couldn’t talk to him? Because he wouldn’t understand? It cut Sam right to his center to know that his brother was carrying this weight he couldn’t share.
They never hid things from one another. In fact Dean had taken a sort of perverse pleasure in making sure he never hid anything from Sam during their teen years. Sam always got to hear about the waitress with the big tits or the girl at the drive through with the butt that just made your mouth water. Dean told Sam everything - always.
And Sam was the same way, he didn’t know any better. Not that he went to the same extremes as his brother, but the intent was there all the same.
And now, now they were suddenly keeping things from one another. And it wasn’t just about the girl at the counter, this time it was something big, something that they should have shared.
But he wouldn’t understand, there aren’t words, because I can’t make you understand.
Despite everything they are drifting apart. And these secrets only drive home the size of the growing rift between them. Only serve as a marker for the things that are pulling them apart more and more with each passing day.