Coming Home Pt. 2 Kradam Big Bang

[acquiescence_]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Master Post | Art



After Kris left the room Adam thought he might just spend the rest of the day avoiding him - it was probably for the best, he didn't know what to do with Kris. He didn't know how to share space with him, to give him what he needed and wanted. At the ceremony they talked about this being a partnership, yes Kris was his companion and Kris would do anything that Adam asked him to do - but it was Adam's responsibility to take care of Kris, to provide for him and give him the things he needed. And Adam knew there were plenty of people who didn't do that - who took their role as head a bit too seriously and went so far as to lord their power over their companion. And that's what made him so sick over the whole arrangement. He wasn't like that, he would never hurt Kris, would never do something like that to another person.

And yet Kris has asked him to do just that, to hurt him and Adam hadn't even known what to do, all he could do was send him away. It was too much that Kris would ask him for that.

He spent the day reading, or staring at the pages of books - he seemed to be doing a lot of that since Kris came to live with him. He was far too distracting for his own good, and Adam wondered if that was something they trained them to do at the Temple. He'd never given much thought to the sort of training they got there, he was just grateful that he wasn't forced to go there himself.

The day wore on, the sun sliding through the sky as the hours passed and Adam finally got tired of not being able to read and decided maybe he and Kris should talk about some of what was going on - it was more than apparent, and had been for some time now, that his policy of ignoring all of this was simply not working and maybe actually having a real talk between the two of them would help smooth things over so they could manage to live together without driving each other mad.

Sighing he walked through the house looking for Kris. His room was the first place he checked, but Kris wasn't there - which was surprising, after what had happened the night before Adam had been sure that Kris wouldn't want to be anywhere other than here. He moved through the house slowly checking all the rooms he had shown Kris in the past, and when his search proved fruitless he began searching the rooms that had been off limits, starting with the music room. But Kris was no where to be found.

Adam wasn't sure what to do - he didn't think Kris was really the sort to run away, he seemed far more dedicated to all of this than Adam could ever be, and for him to just leave like this? Well he wasn't sure what to make of it.

A very large part of him was relieved, he didn't have to worry about Kris hovering around him waiting for the day when he would tell him that he wanted something more from him than just his cooking skills, that he wouldn't have to worry about all the ways he wasn't living up to his end of the deal with this assignment. He could get back to the business of living his life the way he wanted to without anyone else involved in it.

But, there was another part, much smaller of course, that wound itself up in the pit of his stomach, coiled and knotted itself up in worry about Kris. He was supposed to take care of him, to make sure that he didn't come to harm. How could he do that if Kris wasn't here?

The city was better than Adam would have ever allowed himself to believe, there was so much to see and do there - more than he had ever experienced before. It was intoxicating and he spent months taking it all in, the music, the art, the theater. It was filled with all the things that Adam loved about life and the things that his family had held dear from the start. He was lost to the siren call of the city from the moment he struck out on his own.

He was still young of course, but his mother thought it would be good for him, to experience the city, to have the influence of the arts on his own work - it was impossible to continue to be creative when your world never changed, she had told him the day he left.

She held his face between her hands and smiled at him, and he saw in her eyes the same look she had given him ever since he was a young boy, and she kissed his forehead, imparting just a small bit of last wisdom.

"We'll come and visit in a few months, enjoy yourself, my son." She told him, eyes shining, seeing only the potential she had always seen in her eldest son.

"I will." He'd told her quietly, her expression filling him with hope and longing all at the same time. It would be the first time he had truly left home, struck out on his own to see what he could make of himself in the world, and he had high hopes and expectations.

And thankfully the city didn't disappoint.

Adam was in his element in the city, he quickly joined the ranks of the well known, the artists and the influential. People were drawn to him, despite his youth, and Adam soaked it all in eagerly. He loved being taken to concerts, and art shows, and plays, and the opera. All the things he had always dreamed of doing, but hadn't been able to from home. This was so much better than anything he had ever known.

He made friends easily, had many lovers in and out of his bed, and took in as much as he could every day he was there.

"You'll come to the show tonight, won't you Adam?" Brad asked as he threw yet another outfit onto the pile on the bed, it was starting to lean precariously to the right like it might just topple over if Brad added much more to it. But he didn't seem bothered by it. He was in search of just the right outfit for the night.

"Of course." Adam was sitting at his desk, in a rare moment of inspiration. It seemed to come further and further apart these days, there was too much to do here it stole his attentions away from his work Adam had hardly any time to stop and write when he was so busy experiencing everything around him. But he had learned early on that when inspiration struck he should take the time to write it out, stars knew when he would it would strike again. "I've just got to finish this up."

Brad poked his head out of the bedroom, and Adam knew before he looked up at him that he would be pouting. "You don't even let anyone see what you're always writing, why is it so important that you finish?" He asked with a sigh, wearing some fantastic new outfit, that he didn't seem quite so pleased with.

"It's important." Adam said with a sigh as he dropped his eyes back to the page in front of him - he and Brad had had this conversation many times all ready, and Adam had yet been able to convince Brad that his writing was important. Adam thought Brad would have been completely happy spending his time trying on new clothes and going out every night, without ever creating anything new in the world.

How could he explain to him how important it was for him to be able to make something, to give birth to something outside of himself, to be able to leave his mark on the world even if it was only a few people who ever saw what he did? He hadn't been sure the first time they'd had this talk and he certainly hadn't been able to figure it out since then, much to both their disappointment.

"You'll finish before we have to go, won't you?" Brad asked, apparently deciding it wasn't worth pushing the matter.

"I'll do my best, but I've got a private transport set up even if I can't, so you'll make it in time." He promised, and while that prospect had excited Brad in the past, it didn't seem to make his face light up the way it once had.

"Okay, I need to finish getting dressed." Adam made a noise that he'd heard Brad, who sighed and went back into the bedroom no doubt to take off what he wore and try on something else. He'd be at it up until the moment it was time to go - it was just how he was, and though he left mountains of clothes in his wake Adam wouldn't have changed that about him.

Like Brad had guessed, Adam was in fact late to the show that night, but he'd finally had a breakthrough and the verses just kept pouring out of him in a way that it hadn't in ages, and he wondered, when he'd finally finished, if it was because his mother was coming to visit. She had always had that effect on him, and Adam could only be grateful if that was the case.

Brad though had not been happy to have to go alone and spend the majority of the evening on his own. Adam thought he might have loved Brad; he was everything he had ever wanted in a partner, though his inability to see how much Adam needed the outlet of his writing was the one thing that came between them more than anything else. Adam didn't know if they could move past that without some understanding.

He woke early that morning, Brad was still curled in the sheets, pillows tossed onto the floor the way they always were at the end of the night, and Adam grinned, pressing a kiss against the corner of Brad's mouth before he pulled himself up out of bed. He was never an early riser, except on days when there was something big happening, holidays, the day of assignments, and year changings, and today.

There was a silent energy coursing through his veins from the moment his mother had written to tell him that they would be coming for the long promised visit. And Adam was eager to see his family again - it had been months since he'd seem them, it felt like years almost. So much had changed and it was all Adam could do not to start pacing the flat while he waited. Instead he busied himself with writing.

It was flowing easier suddenly and he couldn't not take the time to indulge himself in this.

After a few hours, Brad stumbled his way out of the bedroom rubbing his eyes free of sleep from the night before. He paused when he saw Adam sitting at his desk writing again, much like the way he had left him the night before.

"At it again? I thought you finished last night." Adam ignored the sound of hurt in his voice and continued writing.

"I thought so too." He answered simply, he had taken the time to fix breakfast for Brad though before he sat down to work, and smiled at the sound of plates and glasses being moved while Brad sat down to his meal. He liked being able to take care of him like that, he thought Brad might just forget to keep himself fed and watered if he didn't have someone around to constantly remind him the way Adam did - but he had managed to survive all the years he'd lived without Adam in his life, so he supposed he must have some very basic skills to take care of himself, but he never seemed to use them when Adam was around.

Arms wrapped themselves around him after several long minutes and lips pressed themselves against the back of his neck in the way he'd always liked. And he smiled, laying down his pen and turning around just enough to hook his arm around Brad's waist pulling him into his lap, the both of them laughing as they kissed slow and lingering. Brad still tasting of breakfast and Adam tasting of the tea he'd been sipping at while he worked, but slowly they kissed until there was nothing left but the taste of them.

Thankfully they had actually managed to redress before the knock sounded at the door, and Adam couldn't contain the grin that spread across his face as he bounded toward the door to answer it.

"I was starting to think, you were nev-" He had started and stopped when he opened the door and found instead of his mother and brother standing there the familiar face of their family executor, and Adam didn't know what to think.

"What?" He said finally when he was unable to even comprehend the reason for Franklin to even be there at all, but his stomach twisted as he spoke the words.

"Adam, I ... may I come in?" The older man looked uncomfortable, like he really wanted to be anywhere other than here, and Adam was feeling that was probably the same way he would be feeling in a few moments.

"Of course yes," He stepped aside letting the man into his home, and leading him into the kitchen, while Brad looked on curiously but didn't follow, and for that Adam was grateful.

"Can I get you something?" Adam asked, only out of a sense of lingering manners.

"No, no thank you my boy." The older man shook his head and looked at Adam sadly. "I'm not sure how best to tell you this." He admitted and that thing that had all ready begun twisting itself up in his gut, coiled even tighter at those words. "It's your mother,"

And Adam felt like he'd been punched, he'd known it wouldn't be good, Franklin had never bothered to visit about anything since he'd moved to the city, though the man was a frequent visitor to his childhood home.

"What happened?" Adam was amazed he even had the ability to speak anymore, but he needed to know.

"There was an accident, your mother and Neil, they were traveling and their transport..." He shrugged lamely not sure if Adam would want all the details, and Adam would forever be grateful not to know exactly how his family had died, it was hard enough hearing both their names like that, their transport - they wouldn't have been traveling at all if they weren't coming to visit him, if he hadn't come to the city. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think about anything but their faces on the day he'd left home. It had been the last time he'd seen either of them and Adam could only think about how inadequate their goodbyes had been, he should have told them both how much he loved them, something other than the small hopeful excited smile and wave he'd given at his departure.

He didn't pay attention to much of anything over the next several weeks, he just couldn't. He let Franklin make all the necessary arrangements, and he spent all his time in bed, wrapped up in as many blankets as he could find, all the letters, vids, and things his mother had sent over the last several months spread out around him as he read and reread each one again and again, wishing there was something more of her left for him to hold on to.

The funeral was larger than he had expected, but Franklin had been sure to invite all the right people and no one else, Adam just hadn't realized there were so many right people to consider.

It was held at their home, a cleric was there to say all the right words, and Adam even made himself get up and speak as well - though he couldn't have repeated the words if asked, he spoke without thinking, said everything that weighed so heavily on his heart before he'd disappeared back into the house, letting the others finish with the service.

Inside wasn't any better though, there were too many people, crowded around in all of the rooms, talking to one another, talking about what a waste, and such a shame, and how senseless it all was. Adam tried to get away from it all but there was no where to hide from it, not for hours at least.

And then he heard it, the sound of a piano, slow and sweet the music floated through the house from room to room all wrong as its sound filled the house. Adam pushed his way through groups of people, ignoring anyone who tried to speak with him, until he got to the music room and slammed the piano shut with no regard for the fingers that only just managed to remove themselves from the keys before the lid clamped shut.

"Don't." His voice deadly serious as he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from letting out the tears that threatened to fall at the very idea of anyone other than his mother sitting at her piano and playing. It was wrong and it only drove home the fact that she would never sit there and play for him again, and Neil would never join her sweet harmonies, and he would never see her face again, and he just couldn't stand there and let that person push that into his face again and again as they sat there at her piano, it was too much to bear.

"Adam?" The voice was hesitant, much like he remembered it being that very first day and Adam looked up from where he'd fallen asleep, his book on the floor long forgotten. And he looked up into the dim light that filled the room to look at Kris' face.

"You left." Adam said slowly as he sat up, fixing Kris with a firm stare, wondering why he was here if he had left - shouldn't he have stayed gone?

"I know, I ..." Kris started and stopped himself looking unsure of himself all over again, and a bit like he wanted to drop to his knees and ask Adam to hurt him again. "I needed to talk to someone." He said finally.

"You couldn't leave a note?" Adam asked, now that Kris was here again it was much easier to be upset over him leaving. "Or did you just think that I wouldn't care that you were gone?"

Kris toed the carpet beneath his feet and kept his eyes on the floor, like it was hurting him to even look at Adam, it was the same sort of look Adam had given to his mother when he'd been caught at something he knew he shouldn't have been doing. It was a wholly different experience seeing it from this side though.

"I didn't really know where I was going when I left." Kris admitted. "I just wanted to get some space, I needed to clear my head and I ended up at the Temple, and I talked with my friend." He spoke in a rush the words bleeding into one another as he spoke, but Adam was able to make out the basics of what Kris had said. "I am sorry if I worried you, I didn't intend to be gone that long, and I know I shouldn't have left without asking you first."

Adam sighed pushing a hand through his hair, it was all ready messy beyond help from an afternoon spent fretting it wouldn't be hurt further by his actions. "Look, you can do what you like, I've told you that. If you want to leave you're welcome, I'd just... I'd appreciate it if you told me before you went - so I know if I need to worry about you or not." He shook his head, this whole thing was so far beyond fucked up; he just wished it could be simple for once.

"I -" Kris paused raising his face to look at Adam, considering him for a very long moment. "I'll let you know next time." He promised, catching Adam off guard, he was expecting some argument about procedure and training and all of that, but instead Kris was just agreeing with him? He couldn't say he minded the change, but it did catch him by surprise, and he wondered who it was that Kris had talked with while he was out that afternoon. It might be too soon for thanks to that person, but maybe this didn't have to be quite so difficult for the both of them.

If only things were so simple, Kris wished everything would have been fixed after the talk he'd had with Allison, but life was rarely so easy he had learned. And when you wished more than anything for things to be easier was usually when they resisted so fervently that all you could do was hold on and hope you made it through to the other side.

Some things were better though, even Kris would admit that. Adam talked to him more - he didn't just answer his questions, but actually initiated talk from time to time. It was still quieter than anything around the house, but Kris found himself looking forward to those times when he and Adam would actually talk. It was like the one solid point in his life, his anchor and he held on to those times as tightly as he could when he got them.

But Adam still seemed to be unable to tell him what he needed, and so Kris was left with the same sort of basic chores he'd been doing from the start. It was rote and he did each task without much thought, so accustomed was he to Adam's home and the way things worked in it. But he wished for more, for anything to actually help Adam. It was so clear the more they talked that Adam needed something from him, but what it was Kris was still unable to place and without Adam telling him what he needed he was unable to help and that was more frustrating than anything he had yet encountered in his life.

And so he worked on finding new ways to fill his time, he tried reading - Adam did have a massive library, and more books than Kris thought anyone person truly needed, but he had been unable to really find the time or the inclination to sit down and read anything Adam had. He'd considered painting, but he'd never been very good at that, and it seemed that music upset Adam so that was out for the time being. So he watched Adam, surreptitiously, doing his best not to distract him when he managed to do something other than sit around, he watched Adam when he took walks through the grounds, watched him while they ate together, watched him when they talked. All the while searching for any clue as to why he was here at all.

Adam would occasionally invite him to sit with him while they talked, it started becoming something they did, after breakfast, Adam would take his tea and Kris would follow him out to the gardens and they would sit together out in the sun when the weather was nice and just talk. Some days it was about some new scandal in the papers, other days it was about the most mundane topics Kris thought any person could come up with, and then there were the days that Adam asked Kris about his life.

"How long were you at the Temple?" Adam asked him one morning, and Kris who had been enjoying the feeling of the sun warm against the back of his neck was suddenly drawn into his memories thinking about that first day he'd gone to the temple.

"I was eleven when I was taken to the Temple and joined the companions." He answered after a few moments. "I was there in training for fourteen years." He gave Adam a rueful smile; it was over half his life that he'd spent there, many of the Clerics becoming more family to him than his own family had been.

"What happened to your family?" Adam asked next, it was of course the logical question to follow; there was always something that happened to the families of those who were brought to the Temple. Kris knows that, but there is an implication that there is something bad about being sent to the Temple, like it was a punishment or something, but he'd always thought about it as an opportunity, a chance he wouldn't have otherwise.

"Nothing happened to them really," Kris shrugged, "I mean I'm sure they're still out there somewhere doing family things, I guess." He didn't really know and he didn't think much about them if he was being perfectly honest, and it seemed that he was in fact being just that honest at the moment. "It was just ... you know, I have a younger brother, Daniel." Kris smiled. "He was really good in school, especially the sciences, even when we were kids he was brilliant." He grinned remembering things like that, he was always proud of what his brother had accomplished in the years after he left home.

"He had an opportunity to go to a special school - one that would guarantee he'd get a chance at the University when he was older," The rest of the story filled itself in silently and Kris just lifted his shoulders like that explained everything. It was a simple thing, they needed the funds to get Daniel into that school, and there was no way his parents were going to be able to raise that many credits in time for the start of the term. But an opportunity presented itself to them.

"They sold you?" Adam looked horrified at the very idea.

"What? No, no." Kris denied suddenly shaking his head trying to explain in a way that Adam would understand, though he could see the way his mind had made that leap. But not everyone got to grow up the way Adam did, not everyone got to simply choose the path they would take in life, some people simply had to go where they were told.

"I helped him go to school, I had my path and he had his. It was just the way things worked out." He doubted very much he was explaining himself right, because Adam still looked horrified. "It wasn't as bad as you're making it seem." Kris said shaking his head again. "I went on my own, it wasn't like they came into our home and dragged me out, I packed my bags, I said goodbye to my family and I went. And Daniel got to go to school. Did you hear about the new energy plants they're building? That was Daniel." Kris smiled proudly, he might not know the man his brother had become but he could still be proud of him, know that he had played his part in getting him to that point. There was a certain amount of contentment that came with knowing he'd been a part of that.

Adam still looked doubtful about the whole thing, but didn't press the issue. It looked like he was going to be locked up in his head for a while longer now, and Kris frowned. He liked talking with Adam like this, freely without thinking so much about protocol and all the things he should be doing. He liked the freedom that came from talking with Adam.

"Will you tell me about your family?" Kris asked in a moment of bravery. He knew that was one subject that normally shut Adam up faster than anything else, but he couldn't stop himself. And hoped that this would be the time when Adam would tell him something.

Adam was quiet for a long time after that. He didn't look at Kris; instead he stared into his lap, and Kris was prepared for Adam to continue being quiet, he was used to it - but he would continue asking when the opportunity presented itself to him. And now had seemed like the perfect time to ask.

"I had a younger brother too." Adam spoke softly, and if the room hadn't been as quiet as it was he might have missed the words all together. "His name was Neil."

It was more than Kris had expected and not nearly enough all at the same time. He desperately wanted to ask Adam more about his brother, but he could feel even in the tone that Adam used that he wasn't going to be saying anything more about his brother.

After that night, Adam started talking about his family more. They didn't have long conversations about them or anything as great as that, but he'd make comments in passing. Something about a book his mother had loved, or a song his brother used to sing all the time - and just how terrible his brother's voice actually was. Kris took in all this new information and filed it away, sorting through it and slowly building up a picture of the sort of family Adam once had.

They had a sort of unspoken agreement that Kris wouldn't ask about Adam's family, he'd wait and they'd spend time together and occasionally Adam would tell him something new, but Kris never asked. And it seemed to work for them in a strange way. They came to an agreement after that day Kris had left, and Kris did his best to follow it, no matter how much he wanted to ask about Adam's family, he left it alone and he went to visit Allison once a week - though he let Adam know before he went.

"We read the whole series that year." Adam finished a smile on his face - the one he only ever wore when he talked about his family. "Neil couldn't believe she didn't write more, he must have written a hundred letters after we'd finished and sent them off, in the hope that one of them would manage to convince her to write more."

Kris chuckled, he liked these times. The stories Adam told him were inconsequential, they didn't really give him a sense of what happened to his family - but he got a glimpse of what they had been like, slowly piecing together the pictures he got, trying to make something complete - though he was still missing vital parts of the whole.

Kris had been to see Allison that afternoon, and he got back just before dinner. He and Adam sat together after the meal was finished, warm mugs of tea in their hands while they talked. Kris was open about his life, about his parents his brother - well what he remembered of them. Mostly he talked about his time at the Temple, the friends he'd made there. Allison, Cale, Charles, a few others, all but Allison had been given their assignments. He hadn't seen them since - but that was how it was supposed to be. It wasn't typical for a companion to return to the Temple the way Kris did.

Adam avoided talking about Kris' training; Kris suspected he was worried about where that topic of conversation would get them, but really so much of Kris' training was completely harmless - he had no idea what Adam imagined his training had been like, but it was obvious he didn't want to hear it, so Kris stayed away from that part of his life at the Temple.

But there was plenty more to talk about during those afternoons they spent in conversation. There were of course still days where silence filled the house - Adam didn't always want to talk, and Kris learned it was better not to push. He kept himself busy with small tasks until the end of the day when he wished Adam a good night

Things were getting easier; Adam didn't feel quite so wrong having Kris around every day. He wasn't following him around like some sort of a puppy and he didn't need to be told what to do constantly. They'd learned how to be around each other which relieved Adam more than he could say.

There were even days when he found himself enjoying Kris' company, they talked easily now - carefully avoiding the invisible line between topics that they'd never really talked about not discussing. Kris just seemed to understand there were some things Adam didn't want to know about, and there were some things he didn't want to talk about. But they made do just fine.

Adam wondered if they would ever reach a point where they ran out of things to talk about, Kris never seemed like he wanted to push the conversation anywhere Adam didn't want it to go when they talked, but he seemed like he'd be content to listen to Adam talk about his past for as long as he would let him. He wondered vaguely if conversation was part of Kris' training at the Temple, but he didn't dare ask, for fear that Kris would begin telling him more about his training. He wasn’t comfortable with the idea of using Kris for any purpose, let alone sex. It was one thing to give Kris something to do and allowing him to clean the house, and it was quite enough to demand Kris share his bed - even if, as Kris seemed to believe, it was part of his training, his duty, his purpose here with Adam. Adam didn’t need to be taken care of in that way and he wouldn’t invite Kris over that carefully drawn line if he could help it.

That afternoon, Adam was sitting at the table, bent over a ledger - he had returned after the accident, taken over the family accounts and put aside his own hopes for the future and holed himself up there in the family house. He couldn't leave once he'd come back, it was the place his mother and Neil had lived, the one place he could still feel them around him. And so he’d stayed, taken up the family business and forgotten about music, and writing, and society life in the city. He had his home, his mother’s books and his brother’s paintings - it was enough. He wouldn’t let them go from him completely, he couldn’t.

“Do you wish to have dinner outside tonight?” Kris asked, making Adam look up from his work and he frowned, the numbers jumbling themselves around in his mind making it hard for a moment for him to make sense of what Kris had asked him.

“Outside?”

“It’s very nice out this evening.” Kris shrugged looking like he might have upset Adam, he hid it well but they’d been living together long enough, and Kris was expressive enough that Adam had learned his emotions quickly and easily.

“Oh.” The corner of his mouth bunched up for just a moment before he shrugged. “Why not, the summer months are nearly finished, we won’t have many more opportunities for it.” He nodded and Kris smiled before disappearing to make the arrangements, and Adam was allowed to go back to his work.

Dinner came more quickly than he thought it should have, but perhaps he’d been more engrossed in the numbers than he’d realized. Kris had been right, it was nice outside that evening, and Adam enjoyed the feeling of the warm air against his face, and the sight of the sun slipping down further and further in the sky while they ate together.

“This is nice.” Adam said as they finished their dinner together, the sun having disappeared from the sky and the night slowly enveloping them as they continued to sit and talk. And it was nice, being outside was nice, and just talking with Kris was nice, it reminded him of so many dinners he had shared in the city - out on balconies and patios, conversations lingering long into the night while drinks were shared liberally. It was easy to fall back into that mindset, though Kris had never been to one of these dinners.

They shared several drinks and talked far longer than Adam had intended. “This isn’t so bad.” Adam said after a few quiet moments had passed, he’d stopped feeling the need to fill in every moment of silence between them - the initial awkwardness of sharing time with Kris having faded the longer he’d shared his home with the young man. “It’s a bit like things were in the city.” He hadn’t actually meant to share that thought with Kris, but it seemed a few drinks after months of nothing had gone to his head.

“Is it?” Kris asked sitting up just a bit straighter, the way he always did, his subtle tell that he was interested in what Adam had to say.

“It’s not exactly the same, I mean … there aren’t the buildings and the sound of transports moving around, or well anything the city has. We used to do this a lot, sit out and have dinner and talk until late into the night.” He paused remembering those nights he’d shared with Brad, with his friends, the laughter the music the dancing. All of it - he’d loved that part of city life, having people around all the time. It kept things interesting, there was always something new to try, new people to meet, new stories to hear.

Here at the house there were only memories.

Adam cleared his throat and reached for his drink again finishing it off the warm burn of the drink pulling him out of his thoughts far better than anything else could have at the moment.

“Do you miss it?” Adam tensed at the question; it was more prying than some of the things Kris asked him - and very nearly stepping over that line. In the end he pretended not to hear it, he wasn’t going to talk about things that were gone.

“It’s getting late.” Adam cleared his throat, pushing aside thoughts of the past.

Kris looked out over the darkened landscape around the house and nodded, and Adam told himself that Kris wasn’t hurt that he hadn’t answered his question. “I’ll get this cleaned up.”

Adam nodded, he needed to leave, it wasn’t going to do either of them any good sitting out here any longer, not since he’d made a mess of the pleasant feelings of the evening. So he retreated inside, closed himself up in the library and began pouring over his ledgers again getting lost in the numbers letting them push away everything else.

***

Adam was still tense days later, Kris was getting under his skin. He’d gotten too comfortable with him - but it was hard not to like the young man. He was so unassuming, and the smiles he gifted Adam with always looked genuine. Like even the smallest word from Adam was the best gift he could have gotten. He’d kept to himself in the beginning, doing the chores Adam had left for him and retreating to his rooms when he was finished - or Adam would occasionally find him in the library, and just the once in his mother’s music room.

Slowly though, Kris began to open up. To talk more about himself what he remembered of his family, the things he liked doing. He spent more time in the company of Adam even if all they did was sit in silence. Adam found he liked the company, it made the endless paperwork he dealt with just the slightest bit less soul crushing to have Kris sitting there, bent over a book. Adam found he began to miss Kris’ company on those days he went to visit the temple. He missed that silly smile when he looked up from his work and found only an empty room, and he missed Kris’ inane chattering about the most uninteresting things.

It was one such afternoon, Adam was tired after several tense communications over the family business and he was more than ready to throw in the towel when Kris returned from the city late in the day.

And rather than relax when he saw that Kris had returned, Adam tensed even more for some reason, but he sighed and continued working. Kris didn’t attempt to start conversation instead sat quietly turning pages every few minutes in whatever book he was entertaining himself with those days. And they stayed like that for hours, Kris engrossed in his book and Adam pretending to ignore Kris completely.

“You’re tense.” The soft words startled Adam out of his work and he looked up to see Kris watching him the book lying open in his lap ignored for the moment.

“Just been a long day of work.” Adam shrugged.

“I could help, if you’d allow.” Kris bit his lip looking hesitant and Adam wasn’t sure what he meant but seeing the way Kris hesitated his mind jumped to conclusions.

“No, no we’ve talked about that and no. I can’t do that - I don’t want you to do --” Kris stood up and stopped Adam with a roll of his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.” Kris smiled though, like he wasn’t hurt that Adam didn’t want him like that, but Adam had seen the look in his eyes that first day, when he’d realized. “Let me …” He paused for a moment. “Let me show you?”

Kris hesitated again, before he moved to where Adam was sitting at the large desk, standing behind his chair. “I’m going to touch you.” He warned, before just a moment later Kris’ hands settled on Adam’s shoulders - they were warm even with the layer of cloth between them Adam could feel how warm Kris’ hands were. It was too easy to lean back into the touch, to press back into Kris’ sure hands as his fingers began slowly moving pressing into his skin - working out kinks and knots Adam hadn’t even known were there.

It was easy to forget that he didn’t want Kris touching him, that they kept a distance for a reason. How was he supposed to resist this? Adam couldn’t even think about resisting, didn’t think about any problems this might cause instead all he thought was how good Kris’ hands were.

“Stars, you’re amazing.” Adam groaned, tension melting away from his body as he began to go slack under Kris’ hands.

He heard the soft huff of laughter from behind him, the warmth of Kris’ breath against the back of his neck, the warmth and comfort of his hands working their way across both his shoulders, kneading into the muscles that had bunched up after a day spent puzzling over more numbers than Adam had ever wanted to see in a lifetime.

“I’m glad you think so,” came the soft reply a moment after the laughter, and Adam could just imagine the look on Kris’ face, pleased that he was pleasing him. Adam didn’t understand it; he’d never understood the purpose of a companion. As he had told Kris on his first day it was easy enough to get sex if that was what he wanted - he was good looking all he had to do was ask, or if he were truly desperate he had the credits to pay a temporary companion. But to be assigned a companion of his own, the idea that the Clerics felt he needed to be looked after - it rubbed Adam in all the wrong places and he’d never been able to settle the two ideas in his mind.

He took care of himself just fine on his own, he always had. He got fed, and he took care of business that needed seeing to, and he even knew how to clean up if he really needed to. He didn’t understand why he was supposed to need Kris in his life. What Kris was supposed to do for him.

But now, with Kris touching him - and oh it had been so long since he’d truly been touched, a touch that lingered and stroked and pressed all the right buttons - it wasn’t nearly so baffling to consider keeping Kris in his life. To enjoy having him there, if only for things like this.

He lost track of the time, simply soaking up the feeling of another human touching him, the strange intimacy something as innocent as touch could evoke between the two of them. It was dark when Adam finally looked up to see the sun had finally sunk below the line of the trees on the grounds and the room was dark save for a light that he didn’t remember turning on.

“You have magical hands.” Adam said finally, a soft moan in his voice as he spoke.

“Just very well trained.” Kris assured him, and rather than tense up the way he had in the past when Kris mentioned his training Adam simply nodded, for once he was more than pleased with this sort of training.

“I feel so much better, really. I didn’t know you could do that.” It had become to feel strange though with Kris standing behind him, and so though he almost hated to do it, Adam reached behind him catching a slim wrist in his hand and pulled Kris so that he would move.

He let his hand linger there on Kris’ wrist, watching his face as he brought him to his side, letting Kris lean against the desk where he still sat. He licked his lips and considered, a thought that had rolled around in his mind for some time now, though it pushed its way to the forefront of his mind once Kris had begun to touch him. Adam wasn’t nearly ready to lose that touch.

“Come to bed with me.”

***

Kris was warm, even without his clothes, and Adam curled himself around Kris, his chest pressed flush to Kris’ bare back. He needed this more than he could have said, needed to feel a body warm in his bed at night.

Pressing his face against Kris’ shoulder Adam soaked up the feeling of him in his bed until they both slept.

Adam was gone that morning when Kris woke, but he couldn’t help feeling a strange sense of accomplishment. Maybe things would get better after all; maybe this would be just the start of things between them. Kris had been worried the night before when he’d pressed at the line they drew between them. He’d had to take the chance, to make the suggestion. His training wouldn’t let him ignore the opportunity. He was supposed to take care of Adam and Adam so obviously needed him, even if he’d never admit it himself.

And so he’d asked. Made the offer of what little comfort he could without completely destroying the delicate balance they’d worked so hard to build up between them. There were no words for how relieved he’d been when Adam had allowed it - he’d feared the moment he’d opened his mouth that he would ruin everything, but things had turned out better than Kris could have ever hoped them to.

He stretched out in Adam’s bed, it was soft and far more expansive than his own, and Kris had liked sleeping there with Adam. Stars had he liked sleeping with Adam, he didn’t need to give him sex to provide the comfort he was meant to - Kris could see that and hoped that Adam would see it as well. They could do this. He’d felt the way Adam was so starved for touch, the way he’d arched and pressed into his hands and then the way he’d wrapped himself around Kris after they’d gotten into bed.

They’d touched from shoulder to foot with an arm tossed around Kris’ middle and it still had felt like Adam wanted more from him. Kris ached and wondered how long it had been for him - since his family had been killed, but possibly even before then. Kris didn’t know how someone like Adam could go that long without being touched - he could see it in him, the toll it took.

There had been brief moments during their time together when Kris had been able to see a glimmer of the man Adam had been before the accident. The joy and vibrancy he’d had in him before the people he loved had been snatched from him. He kept it all under lock and key now, like he was afraid to let it out and really feel again. And Kris could only imagine the sort of toll it took to hold all of that life inside, to keep himself from living and feeling and having anything he wanted. Like he was paying some sort of penance for something he had no control over.

Kris hated it, wanted more than anything to be able to make that right for Adam again. Let him live the life he had always wanted for himself instead of keeping himself locked up in this house that was far too big for one person.

Things didn’t get better though, or they didn’t change as much as Kris had hoped they would. They still talked still shared small smiles occasionally, but Adam didn’t invite him back to his bed again, and made sure not to work himself too hard so Kris didn’t even have that excuse to touch him again. And Kris wished he knew how to fix this - Adam tried so hard to make it seem like nothing had changed but Kris had felt the shift. He could feel it in the way Adam looked at him now, the glances he stole when he felt like Kris was too occupied with his book, or too busy with his chores.

But Kris worked by rote, he’d completed the tasks often enough that he was able to watch Adam while he did them, take in the subtle changes in the other man. See when he looked at him, see the things he showed only when he let his guard down.

They needed more time, he’d told himself, that things would work - they would get better and Adam would let him break down those walls he’d built so tall.

He repeated those words to himself every day that week, every time Adam looked away from him just as Kris had raised his eyes to meet his gaze, every time Adam had stopped him from making the offer to rub his shoulders again, every time Adam opened his mouth at the end of the night - like he wanted to take Kris back to bed with him - but instead couldn’t make himself say the words. He repeated them in a silent mantra, again and again until he could convince himself of their truth.

The transport swayed in a rhythmic sort of way and Kris let the motion settle his nerves. It had been several days since he’d gone to bed with Adam, days of longing glances and tentative conversations and he felt ready to burst. He was thankful that Adam allowed him this time to visit Allison. It was of course a bit strange for a companion to return to the Temple to visit a friend the way Kris did, but he needed someone to talk to openly and honestly the way he never could completely with Adam. And so Kris didn’t worry himself terribly about what anyone else must think about him - he treasured these visits. And told himself Allison liked him coming around as often as he did, as well.

He watched the landscape shift and change as they moved from the relative peace of Adam’s home so far outside the city into the more populated areas, tall buildings shooting up over the horizon over the line of trees that were all you could see from Adam’s home. Kris doubted he’d ever get used to seeing the city like this; he’d called it home for so many years that it still felt right coming back there.

He liked the way the homes and buildings slowly cropped up slowly enveloping the transport as it moved closer to the heart of the city like they were welcoming him home - back to the one place where things still made sense.

Kris sighed, he shouldn’t think like that - Adam made sense most of the time, he just had a lot of things to work through. Kris understood that, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. And that was he liked going back to the Temple. Allison was a little crazy, but things were always easy with her. She liked talking to him, and she let him talk through the issues he was having with Adam. She made it so easy on him, and maybe it was wrong of him but he needed a little bit of time that was just easy. Just some time to rest his mind.

Pressing his face against the cool glass of the transport window Kris watched the scenery change, until they were truly in the city and nearing the Temple. He was looking out the right side window, watching buildings and people pass by and so Kris missed the second transport that came in their direction, missed seeing it but he couldn’t miss feeling the way the world toppled over as it crashed into the side of them sending his world reeling. There was a ringing, somewhere far away but growing closer, Kris could hear it, everything hurt, sharp stabs of pain in his arm, his side, his head. Everything hurt. The ringing grew closer, closer and closer until there was nothing.

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