(no subject)
I lied-- oops. Last night I went to the show at The Hot Spot. It was good, but I don't know how I felt about the crowd. And that's sad because I knew a lot of kids in that crowd. They didn't seem with it. They seemed dead. Well, there were a few dancing. and by dancing that is the emplied and infamous "hardcore". haha. I did some of that, but you know it didn't seem as fun last night. It's all about getting energy out for me, and just having a good time while looking amazingly retarded most likely . But just last night it wasn't as good to me. To make it worse-- they said I had a panic attack but I don't know if that was it. But I had something and I like got dizzy and lost feelings in my hands, legs, head, and lips. and if I ever got up all I felt was extremely dizzy. I remember a bunch of people carrying me though. I remember feeling retarded and then not caring.
After I got home I was pissed at myself for having one. Does that make sense? To be pissed at yourself for doing something that is beyond your control? I don't know. I don't care. But I was. I wanted to be back at that show enjoying music and not spazzing about whether I was going to pass out or not. not cool.
Then I called Becca and talked to her for a while. That was good times, but I had to let her go because I had to finish a conversation with Jesse. So I called him, and we talked for a while-- I'm not sure how long. But it was good. It was a good thing, and for some reason I always love talking to him. It's just like-- I don't know. It's so hard to explain. But yes. it is a good thing. But it ended when I had to pee and he had to sleep. So we said our goodbyes, and did our business. Then I fell asleep because internet wasn't working and there wasn't much left to do at 11:45.
I have to go get medication today. I can't avoid it any longer, and suddenly I don't want to. I just want them over.
------xEDITx------
They put me on Zoloft and Konoplin. Zoloft is so funny to me. The little bouncing dot, remember? It's like, "Well, I guess if I have depression it'll fix that too, right?" Man, I'm so optimistic. Look at me. I even turn "Panic disorder" into something laughable.
I think the doctors are cute with all their little phrases and terms. Haha, I have a disorder now. It's called panic disorder. Aren't these doctors just so clever and catchy? They have a name for every-little-thing that screws someone over. It's adorable, the games these doctors play.
xxx
After I got home I was pissed at myself for having one. Does that make sense? To be pissed at yourself for doing something that is beyond your control? I don't know. I don't care. But I was. I wanted to be back at that show enjoying music and not spazzing about whether I was going to pass out or not. not cool.
Then I called Becca and talked to her for a while. That was good times, but I had to let her go because I had to finish a conversation with Jesse. So I called him, and we talked for a while-- I'm not sure how long. But it was good. It was a good thing, and for some reason I always love talking to him. It's just like-- I don't know. It's so hard to explain. But yes. it is a good thing. But it ended when I had to pee and he had to sleep. So we said our goodbyes, and did our business. Then I fell asleep because internet wasn't working and there wasn't much left to do at 11:45.
I have to go get medication today. I can't avoid it any longer, and suddenly I don't want to. I just want them over.
------xEDITx------
They put me on Zoloft and Konoplin. Zoloft is so funny to me. The little bouncing dot, remember? It's like, "Well, I guess if I have depression it'll fix that too, right?" Man, I'm so optimistic. Look at me. I even turn "Panic disorder" into something laughable.
I think the doctors are cute with all their little phrases and terms. Haha, I have a disorder now. It's called panic disorder. Aren't these doctors just so clever and catchy? They have a name for every-little-thing that screws someone over. It's adorable, the games these doctors play.
xxx