Partnerships and Doing Things Together
Most of the time if I am invited to something, I will decline the invite if I am unable to bring Donald. The few rare occasions where this might not be the case are the Clergy Retreat in ADF, and that’s really the only thing I can think of at the moment. Even baby showers I would want to bring Donald along IF he wanted to go.
We’re not one of those couples who can’t stand not being around one another or simply MUST keep an eye on each other. There’s no unhealthy dynamic behind our desire to want to do things together. It simply stems from our partnership.
I prefer to view my relationships as partnerships. There’s no dominate half, there’s no “breadwinner”, there’s no decision-maker. There is simply a partnership between two people working equally to move in the direction that you both share. We still keep our individual prowess and interests, but we partner together to reach our common goals.
One of the reasons I do not get involved in women-centered groups is because of this. I’ve never been a very feminine female in general, which is what happens when you are raised a tomboy I guess. I don’t wear dresses, I don’t enjoy getting manicures, wearing flowery clothes, having tea parties or sewing circles. I much prefer passing around a bottle of mead around a campfire, shoveling chicken poop, wearing jeans and t-shirts, building things, etc.
That’s not to say there aren’t women who enjoy the same things I do, there are plenty. However, they are all things that I can do with Donald. I want him involved in every aspect of my life that he wants to be a part of, and he feels the same way for me. We will put effort towards coordinating our desires and methods of getting them to involve the other person.
A few examples:
1. My new job is dominated by women. They have yoga and zumba classes they offer to their employees. The yoga classes appear to be during work hours, so that could be a viable options since I have to be at work anyway. Zumba is after work, and is limited to women only. In that instance, I probably won’t participate because I can’t involve Donald.
We like working out together. We like supporting each other as we’re working hard to reach our goals. So when we workout we try to find activities we can do together like hiking, lifting weights, pounding the heavy bag, etc.
2. The Grove has several women-only oriented activities. So does the local UU church. While I want to support these initiatives, if I can’t include my life partner, then it’s not something I am all that interested in doing.
I just really enjoy spending time with Donald and involving him in everything that I can.
That said, I do still keep my independence. I play my music, he supports me. I develop websites and blog, he gives creative input and quality-tests them when he can. We have different tastes in music, so we tend to listen to music that we both enjoy, or just let whoever is driving choose the music in the vehicle. We talk about each others days and take interest in them. We plan our our meals for the week and take turns cooking dinner. We discuss big purchases with each other before we make them and agree on them.
We keep each other involved while still maintaining our individual personalities. And that is what I think is fantastic about a partnership, and why I prefer them over anything else.
I don’t think it is weird at all for a couple to be that involved in each others lives. When you enjoy each others company that much, and support each other that much, it honestly just feels natural. Our time here is finite, spend it doing things you love with people you love.