hmm...
So i decided i have never really written anything of importance in this journal... and i still won't... i just wanna babble... becuz i have no one else that will listen... so JOURNAL>>> you're it...
I was awakened this morning at about 830 with my dad on my cell... he said my grandma has taken a bad turn and isn't expected to live through the night. So i pack up my stuff... myparents pick me up and off we go... we arrive at the Hospice in greenville about 1245... on the wayt to my grandmas room my uncle pops out of the lil community room and grabs my mom saying "she died about an hour ago"... my mom and her brother completely lost it. I know my mom was upset of course but i think she was more upset that we didn't make it in time to say goodbye. everyone wanted to go in and see my grandmother laying there after she had passed... i guess it gave them a since that she went peacfully... i however did not want to see her... i will also not view her in the casket at the visitation on saturday... i have good memories of my grandmother and i do not want to muffle those...
things have been pretty hard down here but also faiurly well... it gave our family a chance for a small reunion... we needed that i think... there is a lot of stuff that has to be done before my mom can go back to charlotte... but i will be back on monday at the latest.... even if my dad has to go back next weekend to pick her up...
funerals are horrible things but for some reason i have never cried at one of that of an older person (such as a grandmother) i get a little teary-eyed but that's it... the only funeral i sort of broke down at was that of Bill Looney... he was one of my dad's best friends and was killed in a car wreck this past April.... his life had started getting worse long before then and never took a turn for the better...
but i look at funerals like a new start to something to come... everyone is in black mourning the loved one... but sometimes i think you become even closer with them after they have passed... you find out more about them when you are sharing stories with other friends and family and you never really feel like they are gone... obvioulsy physically they are no longer able to smile at you but mentally you will always be able to picture the certain glare they had for you...
i believe everyone has a certain look for everyone else... it's a look of recognition... wether it says "we have a strong past" or it says "i want to make a past with you" it always says something... no look is ever the same for different people. i think there is always a certain way your eys gloss over or your smile cocks to the side... or even the way your every breath shutters when you speak to them... it's always different... but no matter what once they have passed that look will always remain with you...
bein here is really hectic for me seeing as how everything has to be done by 2morrow... saturday will be the visitation, service, and then a graveside for just the family... i;m not too keen on the visitation seeing as how it will be open-casket... but everything else will be fine...
i'd like to talk about other things now... i had a really good conversation with 2 of my roommates last night... Devin and David... we talked mostly about past relationships and about what we are looking for now... surprisingly, we all sort of want the same thing... i personally just want someone who will love me for me and all my goofiness... i am notr interested in sex... i just want someone whom i can come home to and crawl into bed with and hold... i want someone there... that's all... i dunno how much since i am making or even if anyone really cares... but things that sometimes seem really important to me actually aren't... i really wnat a girl that i can go do things with and who loves having me around.... someone that i can talk to (even though i dojn't like to be the one talking) and someone who will come over in the middle of the night for no reason other than to just chill... 3 a.m. trips to wal mart out of sheer boredom... i want someone that wants me for me... and i don't want much else... maybe that's too much to ask for and maybe it's not enough... i know this strays from everything else in this in but... F U ALL it's my journal....
I was awakened this morning at about 830 with my dad on my cell... he said my grandma has taken a bad turn and isn't expected to live through the night. So i pack up my stuff... myparents pick me up and off we go... we arrive at the Hospice in greenville about 1245... on the wayt to my grandmas room my uncle pops out of the lil community room and grabs my mom saying "she died about an hour ago"... my mom and her brother completely lost it. I know my mom was upset of course but i think she was more upset that we didn't make it in time to say goodbye. everyone wanted to go in and see my grandmother laying there after she had passed... i guess it gave them a since that she went peacfully... i however did not want to see her... i will also not view her in the casket at the visitation on saturday... i have good memories of my grandmother and i do not want to muffle those...
things have been pretty hard down here but also faiurly well... it gave our family a chance for a small reunion... we needed that i think... there is a lot of stuff that has to be done before my mom can go back to charlotte... but i will be back on monday at the latest.... even if my dad has to go back next weekend to pick her up...
funerals are horrible things but for some reason i have never cried at one of that of an older person (such as a grandmother) i get a little teary-eyed but that's it... the only funeral i sort of broke down at was that of Bill Looney... he was one of my dad's best friends and was killed in a car wreck this past April.... his life had started getting worse long before then and never took a turn for the better...
but i look at funerals like a new start to something to come... everyone is in black mourning the loved one... but sometimes i think you become even closer with them after they have passed... you find out more about them when you are sharing stories with other friends and family and you never really feel like they are gone... obvioulsy physically they are no longer able to smile at you but mentally you will always be able to picture the certain glare they had for you...
i believe everyone has a certain look for everyone else... it's a look of recognition... wether it says "we have a strong past" or it says "i want to make a past with you" it always says something... no look is ever the same for different people. i think there is always a certain way your eys gloss over or your smile cocks to the side... or even the way your every breath shutters when you speak to them... it's always different... but no matter what once they have passed that look will always remain with you...
bein here is really hectic for me seeing as how everything has to be done by 2morrow... saturday will be the visitation, service, and then a graveside for just the family... i;m not too keen on the visitation seeing as how it will be open-casket... but everything else will be fine...
i'd like to talk about other things now... i had a really good conversation with 2 of my roommates last night... Devin and David... we talked mostly about past relationships and about what we are looking for now... surprisingly, we all sort of want the same thing... i personally just want someone who will love me for me and all my goofiness... i am notr interested in sex... i just want someone whom i can come home to and crawl into bed with and hold... i want someone there... that's all... i dunno how much since i am making or even if anyone really cares... but things that sometimes seem really important to me actually aren't... i really wnat a girl that i can go do things with and who loves having me around.... someone that i can talk to (even though i dojn't like to be the one talking) and someone who will come over in the middle of the night for no reason other than to just chill... 3 a.m. trips to wal mart out of sheer boredom... i want someone that wants me for me... and i don't want much else... maybe that's too much to ask for and maybe it's not enough... i know this strays from everything else in this in but... F U ALL it's my journal....