032. I Miss You - 10 Things I Hate About You - 100songs
She probably hasn't admitted it to anyone. Not her father at least, and especially not Bianca. She doesn't speak about those types of things with Mandella at all, and besides those three people in her life, who can she talk to? Mr Morgan? Kat scoffed to herself. That idiot man barely listened to what anyone had to say, even if they had a real question about a class assignment...
She can’t even really remember the day her mother left either, something she felt guilty about. She was younger though to be truthful, and she’d been at school only to come home to an empty house. She hadn’t thought much of it at the time, perhaps her mum was out at the shops doing grocery shopping or something…but when Bianca’s school rang up, questioning why no one had been by to pick her up yet, and they were now two hours late, that was when Kat knew something was wrong.
She remembers though, her father not reacting surprised or anything, and Kat had been so mad to realise that he had known this was coming, and he hadn’t done a thing to stop it, or warn his daughters or anything! Bianca had cried for days and was shifted from friends house to friends house in hopes to distract her from what had happened, and the pampered little princess soon moved on, surrounded by her friends and sympathetic mothers who went out of their way to mother her while they could.
Since Kat hadn’t made a show of crying in front of anyone, she hadn’t received anything like that, and had stayed at home, looking after her father and the house since his hours at the hospital seemed to increase to be more and more suddenly.
It hadn’t been fair, but then again, life never was. Kat had known that well from a young age, and she threw out all the clothes her mum had bought her, torn down all the cards her mother had given her over the years for Christmases and birthdays from her bedroom walls and had thrown them out as well. Her grades dipped in school but she didn’t care because she had a new lifestyle. If her dad was escaping to work, and Bianca escaping to her friends house, why couldn’t she escape to be a new ‘Kat’?
She dated that loser Joey, gone to far and then lost respect for herself even more. She learnt she could drink most guys under the table, and lost herself in beer and loud music and hadn’t really woken up to herself until she had taken a good look at Joey and had wondered what the hell she was doing to herself.
She changed herself yet again and had found Mandella. Even though Mandella wasn’t a really deep and close friend, like Chastity seemed to be fore Bianca, she was good enough for Kat, and slowly she found a ‘herself’ that she really liked. One who read good books, listened to good music, and had a favourite food that wasn’t a greasy hamburger. With Mandella they went out to late night concerts and if there wasn’t anything on in the city they just got in the car and drove for hours and hours, music blasting on the radio as they talked over it. They always had something to talk about together, and even though they seemed sometimes to have nothing in common (and other times it seemed like they had everything alike…) they had found something comforting in each other, and it took Kat a long time to realise that it was simple the feeling of being accepted for who she was.
She would always be thankful to Mandella for her help in finding out who she really was, below all those layers which grown during her years of primary school and being judged in everything she wore or ate or listened to or said…
Now she finally felt comfortable in what she wore. She felt powerful by keeping everyone else away, because after all, they’d only leave her like her mother had…and if they were male they were all out for the same one thing like Joey had, or if female, they only knew how to act how her sister did, so fake around those little groups she hung out in.
No, Kat felt right how she was now. She drove a car she loved and one she had saved up for almost a year for without spending anything on herself at all. No new CDs, nor books, nor concert tickets. But she had finally reached the happy day when she had bought it herself without any help from her parents…what were parents anyway? Blood relations, and that was all. It didn’t mean they’d be there for you when you actually needed them…
Mandella was always there when she wanted a random chat though, or someone to go out to the movies with or a meal, and that was all Kat needed, right? Someone to hang out with while school wasn’t busy, someone to share happy squeals with when a band they idolised came on stage. Someone to celebrate birthdays with and someone to ring when something exciting happened.
All in all really, Kat knew that she was lucky to have Mandella, what with how she acted and all…Kat was a tempest and a heinous bitch really, and she was quite proud of it.
Sometimes though, Kat wondered if this was it. Mandella was her best friend technically, but she knew that there was something else missing in her life, and if it wasn’t a best friend, then what was it?
Kat tried to remain in denial about it. Tried to be strong for her father who was usually good and while he made her life miserable a times, at least Bianca usually felt worse.
Really though, she knew that she missed having her mum around. Kat threw the framed photo of her mother and herself at her 14th birthday back into the bedside table drawer and then buried her face into her pillow.
"I miss you, mum..." she murmured as if somehow her mum could hear her, and then Kat's world dissolved into tears.
She can’t even really remember the day her mother left either, something she felt guilty about. She was younger though to be truthful, and she’d been at school only to come home to an empty house. She hadn’t thought much of it at the time, perhaps her mum was out at the shops doing grocery shopping or something…but when Bianca’s school rang up, questioning why no one had been by to pick her up yet, and they were now two hours late, that was when Kat knew something was wrong.
She remembers though, her father not reacting surprised or anything, and Kat had been so mad to realise that he had known this was coming, and he hadn’t done a thing to stop it, or warn his daughters or anything! Bianca had cried for days and was shifted from friends house to friends house in hopes to distract her from what had happened, and the pampered little princess soon moved on, surrounded by her friends and sympathetic mothers who went out of their way to mother her while they could.
Since Kat hadn’t made a show of crying in front of anyone, she hadn’t received anything like that, and had stayed at home, looking after her father and the house since his hours at the hospital seemed to increase to be more and more suddenly.
It hadn’t been fair, but then again, life never was. Kat had known that well from a young age, and she threw out all the clothes her mum had bought her, torn down all the cards her mother had given her over the years for Christmases and birthdays from her bedroom walls and had thrown them out as well. Her grades dipped in school but she didn’t care because she had a new lifestyle. If her dad was escaping to work, and Bianca escaping to her friends house, why couldn’t she escape to be a new ‘Kat’?
She dated that loser Joey, gone to far and then lost respect for herself even more. She learnt she could drink most guys under the table, and lost herself in beer and loud music and hadn’t really woken up to herself until she had taken a good look at Joey and had wondered what the hell she was doing to herself.
She changed herself yet again and had found Mandella. Even though Mandella wasn’t a really deep and close friend, like Chastity seemed to be fore Bianca, she was good enough for Kat, and slowly she found a ‘herself’ that she really liked. One who read good books, listened to good music, and had a favourite food that wasn’t a greasy hamburger. With Mandella they went out to late night concerts and if there wasn’t anything on in the city they just got in the car and drove for hours and hours, music blasting on the radio as they talked over it. They always had something to talk about together, and even though they seemed sometimes to have nothing in common (and other times it seemed like they had everything alike…) they had found something comforting in each other, and it took Kat a long time to realise that it was simple the feeling of being accepted for who she was.
She would always be thankful to Mandella for her help in finding out who she really was, below all those layers which grown during her years of primary school and being judged in everything she wore or ate or listened to or said…
Now she finally felt comfortable in what she wore. She felt powerful by keeping everyone else away, because after all, they’d only leave her like her mother had…and if they were male they were all out for the same one thing like Joey had, or if female, they only knew how to act how her sister did, so fake around those little groups she hung out in.
No, Kat felt right how she was now. She drove a car she loved and one she had saved up for almost a year for without spending anything on herself at all. No new CDs, nor books, nor concert tickets. But she had finally reached the happy day when she had bought it herself without any help from her parents…what were parents anyway? Blood relations, and that was all. It didn’t mean they’d be there for you when you actually needed them…
Mandella was always there when she wanted a random chat though, or someone to go out to the movies with or a meal, and that was all Kat needed, right? Someone to hang out with while school wasn’t busy, someone to share happy squeals with when a band they idolised came on stage. Someone to celebrate birthdays with and someone to ring when something exciting happened.
All in all really, Kat knew that she was lucky to have Mandella, what with how she acted and all…Kat was a tempest and a heinous bitch really, and she was quite proud of it.
Sometimes though, Kat wondered if this was it. Mandella was her best friend technically, but she knew that there was something else missing in her life, and if it wasn’t a best friend, then what was it?
Kat tried to remain in denial about it. Tried to be strong for her father who was usually good and while he made her life miserable a times, at least Bianca usually felt worse.
Really though, she knew that she missed having her mum around. Kat threw the framed photo of her mother and herself at her 14th birthday back into the bedside table drawer and then buried her face into her pillow.
"I miss you, mum..." she murmured as if somehow her mum could hear her, and then Kat's world dissolved into tears.