040. Help - April/May - Rambles & Snippets - Fiction[NET]
Oh, it kills me inside. I can’t bear to lay beside her, but she’d be hurt more if I didn’t. I’ve woken to her crying before, she says she doesn’t care what happens…she just wants to be with me, and sleeping beside me gives her the best fucking sleep she’s ever had, and I can’t understand that. She puts up with too much, I don’t deserve her. She curls into my warmth and I gently touch her cheek, it’s bruised and cut and yet she kissed me afterwards.
How can she stay with me? I’m a broken man, and I’m just breaking her. don’t want to.
But I can’t help it, I can’t stop it. She involves herself, and then somehow she’s in the way and she gets injured…not that I’m blaming her, oh no. I just can’t think of the reason as to why I let myself hurt her again and again…
I’ve been out of work for almost half a year. Six months. The days pass and I only notice when she’s crying. She still works. She comes home and she cleans up after me. Anything that I’ve broken or smashed. She cooks me dinner and then she takes me into her arms and just holds me. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? A glass of brandy In my hand and a lovely lass in my lap, curled up and inhaling my musty scent…
And instead it’s me sobbing into her jumper, and she’s soothing me, kissing and petting my hair, and it’s just…uncanny.
How come I just want to die when I have her?
He needs help, mentally. He’s been gone since he started drinking daily after that one away game with Puddlemore United. He has a girlfriend, why she sticks around he’d never be able to understand, and when he kills himself and leaves a suicide note she’ll finally find out why he went off the tracks.
Because I shouldn’t have her.
And when she finds out she’ll kill herself too.
Maybe if she had been stronger instead of consoling, she would have got him the help he needed instead of trying to take care of him herself, because that wasn’t enough for what he needed, not really. He was way too far gone for her to be able to do anything anymore, she had failed.
She should have done the right thing before it was too late for both of them really. But you couldn’t exactly say it was all her fault and reason for both of their deaths.
She hadn’t been around when he had drunkenly raped that girl on the tour with Puddlemore. The young girl had spiked his drink anyway, and lured him into it, hoping to steal his wallet, but not expecting him to be that forceful. He had always been a bit hard to control when he had been drinking, or around Quidditch…
Oliver Wood needed help, but it was way too late now…
<--- 039. Apple || 041. Ersatz --->
How can she stay with me? I’m a broken man, and I’m just breaking her. don’t want to.
But I can’t help it, I can’t stop it. She involves herself, and then somehow she’s in the way and she gets injured…not that I’m blaming her, oh no. I just can’t think of the reason as to why I let myself hurt her again and again…
I’ve been out of work for almost half a year. Six months. The days pass and I only notice when she’s crying. She still works. She comes home and she cleans up after me. Anything that I’ve broken or smashed. She cooks me dinner and then she takes me into her arms and just holds me. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? A glass of brandy In my hand and a lovely lass in my lap, curled up and inhaling my musty scent…
And instead it’s me sobbing into her jumper, and she’s soothing me, kissing and petting my hair, and it’s just…uncanny.
How come I just want to die when I have her?
He needs help, mentally. He’s been gone since he started drinking daily after that one away game with Puddlemore United. He has a girlfriend, why she sticks around he’d never be able to understand, and when he kills himself and leaves a suicide note she’ll finally find out why he went off the tracks.
Because I shouldn’t have her.
And when she finds out she’ll kill herself too.
Maybe if she had been stronger instead of consoling, she would have got him the help he needed instead of trying to take care of him herself, because that wasn’t enough for what he needed, not really. He was way too far gone for her to be able to do anything anymore, she had failed.
She should have done the right thing before it was too late for both of them really. But you couldn’t exactly say it was all her fault and reason for both of their deaths.
She hadn’t been around when he had drunkenly raped that girl on the tour with Puddlemore. The young girl had spiked his drink anyway, and lured him into it, hoping to steal his wallet, but not expecting him to be that forceful. He had always been a bit hard to control when he had been drinking, or around Quidditch…
Oliver Wood needed help, but it was way too late now…
<--- 039. Apple || 041. Ersatz --->