But You Know I You Me Too
My past will forever haunt me. It's not the way things bother other people. The things I did that got me to where I am, and the negative things in between, they haunt me the same. Everything that reminds me of them bring about butterflies in my stomach, feeling uncomfortable. It scares me on a level that I don't think affects everyone else. The negative moments turn into faceless ghosts in my dreams, and every dream is a parallel with reality, and I wake up unsure of what's real and what isn't. And no one will really understand it. The moments confuse me to the extent of just wanting to leave - to just sleep forever or to never be around the places that remind me of such events. I try to relate to all of it, and it brings me to a point to where I'd rather forget all of it. I'd be better off just not caring, just abandoning things in the manner I feel like those things have done to me. But I don't do well leaving things, I'd rather have them leave me. But I don't deal well with abandonment. In the same vein, I don't feel comfortable most of the time, and that's what grips me to want to go. I've found since going to college that I just don't like being stuck in the same thing, the same place, the same role, for very long. Who cares though? Me? Not really. No. I'm getting mixed up. Things will get weirder and weirder for me. What's really to say? I just need to understand myself and at that point I'll be just fine no matter what anyone says or thinks. And I'm going to be what everything said or thought.