Another Unknown Expression
At the current moment I'm in Houston, Texas... and boy is it boring out here. Everything is far from other places, the lack of sidewalks in most streets (excluding downtown), no recycling canisters for homes, slow drivers, ugly construction along the entire freeway. Well, you get the point. Spending this time out here made me realize that my abuelita is the person i love most out of all my elders, even more than my parents. She is the person who understands me; who I can talk to about anything. Everyone here sees my affection that I express for her. My care and gentleness along with patience shows that I truly respect this woman who raised me since I was born. I know that one day she will die. That day will be le pire de tous mes cauchemares. The one thing that I ask the divine powers out there, or grandfather time is to allow her to see my children, even if it's on her deathbed. Because she wants to see my offspring. Given in less than 10 years I plan to be married and have kids. Her having the age of 89 it is humanly possible, since she is still in great health.
Another thing about feelings. I feel myself lost from everything and everyone. All things I used to do before I left to France has now become a ghost to me. I know not what it is like to have a job and be in school. I know not how to live my life how I once did. I'm lost in my personal being while living in the country of my birth. I have debts to pay, things to buy, and money to save for future trips around the world. But my mental state has left me with a confused sense of being that I don't quite understand myself.
I wish I had a job. I wish I was stable with money at the moment. I wish I made the effort to do more things in one day. If I accomplish this, I know that I will be able to truly feel satisfied with things. But the one thing that I truly want at this current moment is to be with the person whom I share a common feeling for. The problem is that I'm not sure the feelings are mutual. The other problem is the authoritative figures who dominate her at the current time. Things should get better in time. I just need to get out of this desert and back into nice and comfy weather where I feel more alive in.
Another thing about feelings. I feel myself lost from everything and everyone. All things I used to do before I left to France has now become a ghost to me. I know not what it is like to have a job and be in school. I know not how to live my life how I once did. I'm lost in my personal being while living in the country of my birth. I have debts to pay, things to buy, and money to save for future trips around the world. But my mental state has left me with a confused sense of being that I don't quite understand myself.
I wish I had a job. I wish I was stable with money at the moment. I wish I made the effort to do more things in one day. If I accomplish this, I know that I will be able to truly feel satisfied with things. But the one thing that I truly want at this current moment is to be with the person whom I share a common feeling for. The problem is that I'm not sure the feelings are mutual. The other problem is the authoritative figures who dominate her at the current time. Things should get better in time. I just need to get out of this desert and back into nice and comfy weather where I feel more alive in.