fic: holding onto you (finn/rachel)
Title: Holding Onto You
Words: 4,187
Spoilers: Mentions of everything till episode 2x16.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters. But the storyline is mine.
Rating: T.
Character/Pairings: Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry
Summary: Finn Hudson goes to prom with Quinn Fabray, when clearly he's wanting to go with Rachel Berry. What happens when the Prom King lets his mind wander and thinks about things a little too much. The inner ramblings of one Finn Hudson.
Author’s Notes: I might write a second part to this, because of the way this bit ends, but as it stands, this is it. Maybe if you push me enough, I'll add some smut.
Finn has never hated the idea of prom more than he does the morning of the big event. Quinn has been pestering him about it ever since he made it clear that he wanted another chance with her. And from then on all she has ever talked about is prom. When he started this thing with Quinn - or should he say re-started because that’s what they’re doing - Finn thought he was doing the right thing. No, that was a lie. He knew he was being stupid and rushing into something that was not what he wanted, but he did it anyway. He had gotten so used to being someone’s boyfriend or fighting for someone that being single and heartbroken had made him pretty much a mess. He wanted Rachel back, so badly, but he had made it clear to her over and over again that he needed time. Yet, there he was, with Quinn Fabray, not taking time to do anything worthy of clearing his mind up of the mess that was his life. But jumping into something that would only hurt him later. But he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to just try this thing with Quinn, it beat being alone and that was one thing he couldn’t handle.
But it got out of hand real fast when all Quinn wanted to do was talk about prom and becoming popular again. Finn likes being popular and the coolest guy at school and all those other very obvious Finn Hudson traits, but what he doesn’t like is what Quinn is doing. It’s not like he’s never used anyone to get where he wants to before, but now that he’s changed the way he lives his life, he’s offended that all Quinn wants him for is to have someone to make out with and someone to help her get to the top. He can’t even walk out on her because they just went public with their relationship and it’s such a fucking mess. He lets her hold his hand when they’re together, but the minute he sees Rachel, he drops her hand and focuses all his attention on Rachel. He’s a terrible boyfriend like that and Finn knows that he needs to fix his life before making everything worse than it already is. But he can’t deny how Rachel makes him feel, how Rachel will always make him feel. And he most definitely can’t deny that he’s head over heels in love with her and probably always will be.
***
“What?” Finn growled as someone knocked on his bedroom door and forced his eyes open as Kurt stuck his head into the room, “It’s the day of Prom, Finn, why are you still in bed?”
“Because I’m tired.”
“Get up, sleepy head; it’s such a wonderful day!”
“What do you want, Kurt?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Does this have to happen right this minute? I’m still sleeping.”
“It's quarter to 12, Carole is not going to be happy knowing that you’re still in bed.”
“Fuck,” Finn turned onto his back and rubbed his face before slowly propping himself up onto his elbows, “Fine, talk.”
“I’m taking Rachel to prom.”
“What? Why?”
“Because she doesn’t have a date and she decided that since you’re going with the Ice Queen, she wasn’t going to go, but I convinced her that since I don’t have a date either, I would take her.”
“Kurt…”
“Do you even see the difference in Quinn now, or are you the only delusional one in the Glee club?”
“I can’t do this right now, Kurt.”
“You better snap out of whatever you’re in right now, Finn because you’re only destroying yourself.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil, but now if you’d be so kind as to leave the room, I can get back to sleep.”
“You’re breaking her heart every single day you’re not with her.”
“Kurt, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Just one more thing,” Finn arched an eyebrow as Kurt pulled the bedroom door open to step out, “Nobody will ever love you the way Rachel does, because she knows you and chooses to be with you no matter what your social standing in school is. Keep that in mind.” Growling unhappily, Finn collapsed back onto the bed and closed his eyes. Kurt was right about Rachel and about him and most importantly, about Quinn. But Finn was already so far gone. He knew what he had to do, but his pride was standing in the way. Reaching into the drawer in his bedside table, Finn pulled out a photo frame and smiled to himself. Brushing his thumb over it to get rid of the dust, Finn shook his head and put the frame down on his chest. The picture was taken on the last day of summer. They had been swimming half an hour before the picture was taken and Rachel’s hair was wet and gathered over one shoulder as she stood in front of him. He had his arms wrapped around her shoulders, his chin resting on the top of her head as he grinned at the camera. Burt had come outside to give them their lunch and found the two of them getting very cute and cozy and had insisted he take a picture of the album. Finn picked up the photograph again and sighed heavily as he ran his thumb over Rachel’s face. She looked so happy and so beautiful in that moment, as she had all summer and forever after that. Smiling as the memory of that day entered his mind; Finn closed his eyes and let the whole thing float through his head.
*Flashback*
“You kids have a good summer?”
“Yes we did, it was the best summer of my life,” Rachel looked up at Finn and kissed his jaw gently, their fingers linked as they stood there on the back patio with Burt and Carole. “Enjoy your lunch; we’re heading out for this parent-teacher meeting at McKinley, something about getting everything right before the kids come back to school.”
“Mom, please don’t embarrass me if anybody asks anything.”
“Honey, you know I would never do that.”
“It can’t be worse than the things my dads are going to do, Mrs. Hud-Hum-“
“Rachel, please call me Carole, we’re a lot closer than you think.” Finn smiled as Rachel blushed and nodded, chewing on her bottom lip, “I’ll let my dads know you’re going to be there, so they can meet you. They’re very excited about meeting you.”
“Finally! I can’t wait either.”
“Wait, kids, we need a picture of the two of you for the album.”
“What album?” Rachel looked up at Finn, confused as she snuggled against him, “Mom and Burt are putting together an album of their fondest memories since they’re like totally in love with each other and whatever.”
“Don’t mock the romance, Finn.”
“It’s a little too much, don’t you think, Mom?”
“I think it’s really cute. Maybe one day I can brainwash you into doing that for us too.”
“I’ll do anything for you, Rachel, you know that.”
“I think we should make a photo album with pictures of us, our families and friends.”
“Okay, we can swing by the hobby store and pick stuff up.”
“Look at you, Finn; never have I seen you so smitten by a girl before.”
“You don’t know Rachel all that well yet, Mom. She’s the most amazing person in the world.” A silence settled over the two couples as Rachel continued blushing, her fingers pressed tight into his as she tried not to tear up. Carole and Burt just stood there and watched the two of them, sneaking smiles at each other, “Okay, picture time.”
*End of Flashback*
***
He had fallen asleep all through Spanish and Mr. Schuester had called him out on it and as Mr. Schue always does, appointed him to be tutored for what he missed. He usually sent him to Santana, because she was good, but given Finn’s and Santana’s history, Mr. Schue was being nice about assigning him to somebody else. Finn was sure that the name had been mentioned, but in his hurry to get out of class, he wasn’t paying attention. He was skipping his next class and heading to the library in hopes of getting an hour of sleep before he had to sit through the torture that was American History. Finn still couldn’t understand why it was important to know all about how America came to be and why it was such a wonderful place to live and all that. He loved America and he figured that was enough, he didn’t need to know all the good and bad things about the country. Shaking his head as he stepped into the library, Finn swallowed hard. The last time he had been here, he had been pressed up against Rachel in one of the back stalls. They had gotten almost all the way, especially with the speed in which her fingers were moving over the buttons of his jeans, but the bell had rung and Rachel had practically darted out from under him. it was a good memory because it was one of those days when Rachel forgot that she was going to wait till she was 25 to have sex. She had just been so damn desperate and Finn still had a scar on his stomach from when she scratched him, trying to find the button on his jeans.
“Are you lost?” Finn blinked and whipped around to find Rachel standing behind him, looking absolutely confused as to why he was even in the library, “I could be.”
“Finn, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m supposed to be getting tutored in Spanish for what I missed in class today.”
“You’re the person who fell asleep in class?”
“Wow, Mr. Schue is good,” Finn pushed a hand through his hair and closed his eyes, “What are you talking about?”
“He set this up, Rachel.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Finn, Mr. Schue wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Don’t underestimate the man;” sighing heavily, he nodded to one of the tables, “Shall we?”
“You’re skipping American History, aren’t you?” Finn arched an eyebrow at her and suddenly remembered that she knew his schedule even better than him, which was why he had always attended all his classes, because she had made sure that he didn’t fall asleep or get there late. He missed that. Quinn always talked to him in the hallway and then she was gone, leaving him to fumble and figure his own way out. “I’m doing okay in History, I’m actually failing Spanish.”
“I’ll do what I can to help you get your grades back up.” Nodding he sat down across from her, making a mental note to keep his distance from her as much as possible. The closer he was to Rachel, the harder it was to resist doing all the things he wanted to do to her. chewing on his lip as he pulled out his books, Finn looked up at her and smiled to himself, “Heard you’re going to prom with Kurt.”
“He’s very persuasive. Besides, I thought it’d be fun to go at least once. I only get one shot at this right?”
“I’m glad you’re going, it would be weird without everyone there.”
“Don’t worry, Finn, we’ll all make the right noises when you get crowned Prom King.”
“I don’t care about being Prom King; I actually don’t even really want to go.”
“You’re lying to me and yourself when you say that, Finn.”
“No, seriously, I don’t care. It’s not going to be fun because I’m not going with y-“ Finn looked down at his hands and shook his head, “Prom has become this big competition for first place and I don’t care about being first place anymore.”
“You’re doing a really bad job of making people believe you on that then.” Finn looked up at Rachel as she tucked her hair behind her ear and made a note to punch himself later for even putting her through all that pain in the first place. She didn’t deserve to be treated like this, she deserved to be treated well, by a guy who would love her no matter what it would cost him. “I guess I’m trying too hard to do everything right.”
***
Kurt (19:21): I just thought you should know that Rachel looks gorgeous in her dress.
Finn (20:02): I have no doubt about that, this is Rachel we’re talking about.
Kurt (20:10): Then why aren’t you here, escorting her to this wretched dance?
Finn (20:20): Because I promised Quinn I would go with her.
Kurt (20:24): Apparently you promised Rachel you’d never break up with her either.
Finn (20:30): Kurt, I want you to stop sticking your nose where it does not belong.
Kurt (20:36): I can’t just sit by and watch two of my favorite people ruin their lives together because of one mistake. Don’t you get it, I’m living vicariously through you.
Finn (20:40): I have no idea what that means, but I really think you need to stop doing that.
Kurt (20: 44): Talk to Rachel just once when you get here.
Finn (20:47): Okay, but I have to go before Quinn kicks me again.
Kurt (20:50): I repeat, you’re at this stupid dance with the wrong girl.
Finn (20:53): Tell me something I don’t know.
Walking into the school with Quinn felt weird. Everyone was watching them closely while Quinn gave them her bitch face and made sure that everyone moved out of her way as she walked down the hall, her arm linked through his. Finn couldn’t look at anyone that he passed, he felt uncomfortable in his monkey suit and Quinn’s corsage was scratching him. he couldn’t even find the strength to fake a smile, which only made things that much worse. Spotting Puck from the corner of his eyes, Finn’s lips twitched in a smile and he carefully pulled away from Quinn, “I’ll see you inside.”
“No, you’re walking in with me.”
“No, you’re going to have to do the grand entrance all on your own.”
“Finn!”
“Look, I came to the prom with you, we’re going to win the stupid crown. Now what the hell do you want me to do?”
“Respect me, for one. And secondly, I want you to escort me into the party.”
“I’ve done almost everything that you wanted me to do, all I’m asking is that you let me go hang with the guys for a bit.”
“You’re unbelievable. I’m doing this for you, for us and all you can do in return is leave me alone on the biggest night of our lives? Will you be doing this on our wedding day as well?”
“Whoa! Moving a little fast there, aren’t you?”
“You know that this is where you belong, with me, why is it so hard for you to understand that?”
“I understand it, but I don’t believe it. I’m going to spend some time with Puck and Mike and afterwards, I’ll meet you inside.”
“Don’t you dare get drunk on whatever Puck is smuggling in tonight.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“Finn.” He kept his back to her, fully aware of the way everyone was watching them and sighed heavily, “What?”
“Kiss me.”
“I’ll see you inside, Quinn.” He was pretty sure he heard her growl at him, but Finn was too busy making faces at Puck and Mike as he followed them into the boys locker room. He knew exactly what Puck had smuggled in and he also knew that Puck had brought a bottle just for him, so he would be fine for the rest of the night. It wasn’t just Kurt that kept bringing up how bad this relationship was for Finn, Puck and Mike liked reminding him too. Finn liked to think that the only reason Puck kept bringing it up was because a part of him would always be in love with Quinn. Lauren was his girl now, yes, but Quinn would always be his first love. It had been awkward at first, to talk about things like that with Puck, but he figured that since he needed to talk about it, it made sense talking to someone who knew her instead of someone who didn’t. “So, your Highness, how drunk are we looking to get tonight?”
“Drunk enough to be able to walk onto that stage when they announce my name and make a ridiculous speech about how surprised and thankful I am that everyone voted for me.”
“Tonight is your lucky night, I have a flask with your name on it.”
“Thanks, man. I really need this.”
***
The first person he saw as he and the boys stumbled into the gym was Rachel Berry. She was laughing at something Kurt had said and she had her eyes closed as she tilted her head back. Finn felt his stomach do that flip-flopping thing it did every time he was around her and he just stood there, watching her as the boys talked and laughed around him. she was wearing a very simple dress - compared to the crazy, colorful ones the others were wearing - in what Kurt would call a soft pink. She had her hair down and a pretty corsage around her wrist. With Kurt as her prom date there was no way that Rachel was going to show up looking shabby. Smiling as he found himself walking towards her, Finn shoved his hands into his pockets. Just as he was about to reach her, Quinn placed herself between him and the gang and pushed him backwards, “I knew you’d stray.”
“I was just going to say hey to Kurt.”
“I know you better than that Finn, now come with me.” Reluctantly taking her hand, Finn shot Rachel a quick smile and let himself be dragged off to where the rest of the ex-cheerios were standing with their dates. Santana and Brittany looked positively bored and Artie and Sam were busy playing something on an iPhone. Their prom was most definitely the most boring thing ever. Finn always wondered why people got so excited about their prom when it was just another random day in their high school lives. Rocking back on his heels as Principal Figgins took the stage, Finn rolled his eyes and let Quinn snuggle against him. that was the least he could do after walking into the gym close to being completely drunk. There was a lot of talking on Figgins’ part and Finn, as always, was not paying attention. He didn’t care really, he was just busy scanning the crowd, trying to spot Rachel and Kurt in the chaos. “Finn!” Groaning as he got nudged in the side, Finn turned to look at Quinn, “What?”
“I’m your girlfriend, I’m the one you’re supposed to be focused on tonight, I’m your prom date and your Prom Queen.”
“Right, of course, whatever.”
“I don’t believe this, you’re still in love with her.”
“Quinn, I’m not in the mood right now.”
“Yeah, neither am I, so give me your hand and get your Prom King speech prepared.” Rolling his eyes, Finn turned back to the stage to look at Figgins’ as he called the Student Body President onto stage. Unlinking his fingers from hers, Finn clapped as she made a quick speech and then proceeded to announce the King and Queen.
“Your new Prom King and Queen are Finn Hudson and Quinn Fabray!” Faking a smile as she squealed at the result, Finn held his arm out for Quinn and waited for her to wipe away her fake tears before leading the way onto stage. Bending at the knees, Finn lowered himself a little as the crown was placed on his head and then straightened up, looking out into the crowd. Rachel was gone, but Kurt was still standing there, shrugging as he looked back at him. he heard Quinn make her speech, none of the words even registered with him because he was trying to think of all the places where Rachel could be. For a split second, he felt like he was in that stupid teen flick that Rachel made him watch a couple of times because she insisted that she felt like that girl - going from geek to beautiful only because of one guy - and he wanted to hit himself for not remember how the movie turned out in the end. someone said his name, but Finn couldn’t stop thinking about Rachel, shaking his head, he turned to Quinn and shrugged, “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
***
This wasn’t all that big of a school, but it took Finn forever to find Rachel. She was sitting at the piano in the choir room, singing to herself. She was singing that song that won them the Regionals trophy. The song that she wrote for him. taking a deep breath, Finn smoothed down his jacket and walked towards her, smiling as he listened to the way her voice filled the whole room. “Hey.”
She jumped at the sound of his voice and turned around, took one look at him and then turned back to the piano, “Your crown is on crooked.”
“I didn’t even realize it was still on my head.”
“Congratulations.”
“You weren’t there making all the right noises when I got crowned.”
“I didn’t particularly feel like making happy noises right now.”
“Yeah, neither do I.”
“What are you doing here, Finn?”
“Looking for you. Instead of starting here, I went everywhere else and then realized that of all the quiet places at this school, this is the only one that makes you feel happy and comfortable.”
“Why are you looking for me?”
“Can I sit first?”
“Sure.” He slid onto the piano bench as she moved to make space for him and played a few random keys as she took her hands off the piano, “So, why are you looking for me?”
“Did you know that the MVP trophy that Mr. Schue gave you was actually picked out by me?” Finn nodded, smiling as he looked across the length of the piano and at their trophies from Regionals, “He said he wanted to give you something, because you had worked so hard on this and I suggested we get you a trophy with a star, because that’s what you are. You’re a star, always have been, always will be.”
“Finn… I can’t do this right now.”
“You can’t do what?”
“Listen to you talk to me about how amazing life is with Quinn and whatever.”
“I’m not going to talk about Quinn, I’m going to talk about you. And me.”
“There is no you and me, you made that very clear.”
“Yeah, but now I’m talking about us as an us.”
“What are you talking about?” Sighing in defeat as he struggled to put his words together Finn leaned in and kissed Rachel, resting one hand on her cheek as he edged closer to her. he felt her tense under his touch, before responding to the kiss, their lips moving against each other’s eagerly as she slowly ran her fingers down his arm, letting it rest on his elbow. Finn broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers gently, “I miss you.”
“Finn…”
“I’ve been wanting to do that since Regionals.”
“I’ve been wanting to do that since after Christmas.”
“I’m sorry, Rachel, I know that I put you through hell and then some this whole time.”
“Did you get together with Quinn because you still love her?” Finn shook his head, “I got together with her because I don’t know how to be alone and because I was hurting from what happened between us and, I think I needed some kind of closure before letting myself love you again.”
“Did you stop loving me after I kissed Noah?”
“Are you crazy? I could never stop loving you, Rachel, you are the love of my life. There will never be anyone who makes me feel this way. Ever.”
“I’m sorry, Finn, I shouldn’t have kissed Noah, I shouldn’t have tried to settle the score because of what happened between you and Santana. I was so stupid and so hurt that when Noah was nice to me because I was such a wreck I took him for granted.”
“I know, Puck spoke to me about it, it’s okay. We’ve both done things that we’re not proud of and we’re moving in the wrong direction and we’re dealing with this the wrong way. Me getting together with Quinn was the biggest mistake, because I wasn’t ready for anything of that sort and I wasn’t ready to let you go.” Finn took a deep breath as Rachel linked her fingers with his, he looked down at their hands, forever amazed at the way their hands perfectly fit. Looking up at her, Finn leaned in for a quick kiss, smiling against her lips as she rested her hand on his face, her thumb gently stroking his cheek. “Finn?”
“Mhm?”
“I’m ready.”
***
Words: 4,187
Spoilers: Mentions of everything till episode 2x16.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters. But the storyline is mine.
Rating: T.
Character/Pairings: Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry
Summary: Finn Hudson goes to prom with Quinn Fabray, when clearly he's wanting to go with Rachel Berry. What happens when the Prom King lets his mind wander and thinks about things a little too much. The inner ramblings of one Finn Hudson.
Author’s Notes: I might write a second part to this, because of the way this bit ends, but as it stands, this is it. Maybe if you push me enough, I'll add some smut.
Finn has never hated the idea of prom more than he does the morning of the big event. Quinn has been pestering him about it ever since he made it clear that he wanted another chance with her. And from then on all she has ever talked about is prom. When he started this thing with Quinn - or should he say re-started because that’s what they’re doing - Finn thought he was doing the right thing. No, that was a lie. He knew he was being stupid and rushing into something that was not what he wanted, but he did it anyway. He had gotten so used to being someone’s boyfriend or fighting for someone that being single and heartbroken had made him pretty much a mess. He wanted Rachel back, so badly, but he had made it clear to her over and over again that he needed time. Yet, there he was, with Quinn Fabray, not taking time to do anything worthy of clearing his mind up of the mess that was his life. But jumping into something that would only hurt him later. But he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to just try this thing with Quinn, it beat being alone and that was one thing he couldn’t handle.
But it got out of hand real fast when all Quinn wanted to do was talk about prom and becoming popular again. Finn likes being popular and the coolest guy at school and all those other very obvious Finn Hudson traits, but what he doesn’t like is what Quinn is doing. It’s not like he’s never used anyone to get where he wants to before, but now that he’s changed the way he lives his life, he’s offended that all Quinn wants him for is to have someone to make out with and someone to help her get to the top. He can’t even walk out on her because they just went public with their relationship and it’s such a fucking mess. He lets her hold his hand when they’re together, but the minute he sees Rachel, he drops her hand and focuses all his attention on Rachel. He’s a terrible boyfriend like that and Finn knows that he needs to fix his life before making everything worse than it already is. But he can’t deny how Rachel makes him feel, how Rachel will always make him feel. And he most definitely can’t deny that he’s head over heels in love with her and probably always will be.
***
“What?” Finn growled as someone knocked on his bedroom door and forced his eyes open as Kurt stuck his head into the room, “It’s the day of Prom, Finn, why are you still in bed?”
“Because I’m tired.”
“Get up, sleepy head; it’s such a wonderful day!”
“What do you want, Kurt?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Does this have to happen right this minute? I’m still sleeping.”
“It's quarter to 12, Carole is not going to be happy knowing that you’re still in bed.”
“Fuck,” Finn turned onto his back and rubbed his face before slowly propping himself up onto his elbows, “Fine, talk.”
“I’m taking Rachel to prom.”
“What? Why?”
“Because she doesn’t have a date and she decided that since you’re going with the Ice Queen, she wasn’t going to go, but I convinced her that since I don’t have a date either, I would take her.”
“Kurt…”
“Do you even see the difference in Quinn now, or are you the only delusional one in the Glee club?”
“I can’t do this right now, Kurt.”
“You better snap out of whatever you’re in right now, Finn because you’re only destroying yourself.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil, but now if you’d be so kind as to leave the room, I can get back to sleep.”
“You’re breaking her heart every single day you’re not with her.”
“Kurt, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Just one more thing,” Finn arched an eyebrow as Kurt pulled the bedroom door open to step out, “Nobody will ever love you the way Rachel does, because she knows you and chooses to be with you no matter what your social standing in school is. Keep that in mind.” Growling unhappily, Finn collapsed back onto the bed and closed his eyes. Kurt was right about Rachel and about him and most importantly, about Quinn. But Finn was already so far gone. He knew what he had to do, but his pride was standing in the way. Reaching into the drawer in his bedside table, Finn pulled out a photo frame and smiled to himself. Brushing his thumb over it to get rid of the dust, Finn shook his head and put the frame down on his chest. The picture was taken on the last day of summer. They had been swimming half an hour before the picture was taken and Rachel’s hair was wet and gathered over one shoulder as she stood in front of him. He had his arms wrapped around her shoulders, his chin resting on the top of her head as he grinned at the camera. Burt had come outside to give them their lunch and found the two of them getting very cute and cozy and had insisted he take a picture of the album. Finn picked up the photograph again and sighed heavily as he ran his thumb over Rachel’s face. She looked so happy and so beautiful in that moment, as she had all summer and forever after that. Smiling as the memory of that day entered his mind; Finn closed his eyes and let the whole thing float through his head.
*Flashback*
“You kids have a good summer?”
“Yes we did, it was the best summer of my life,” Rachel looked up at Finn and kissed his jaw gently, their fingers linked as they stood there on the back patio with Burt and Carole. “Enjoy your lunch; we’re heading out for this parent-teacher meeting at McKinley, something about getting everything right before the kids come back to school.”
“Mom, please don’t embarrass me if anybody asks anything.”
“Honey, you know I would never do that.”
“It can’t be worse than the things my dads are going to do, Mrs. Hud-Hum-“
“Rachel, please call me Carole, we’re a lot closer than you think.” Finn smiled as Rachel blushed and nodded, chewing on her bottom lip, “I’ll let my dads know you’re going to be there, so they can meet you. They’re very excited about meeting you.”
“Finally! I can’t wait either.”
“Wait, kids, we need a picture of the two of you for the album.”
“What album?” Rachel looked up at Finn, confused as she snuggled against him, “Mom and Burt are putting together an album of their fondest memories since they’re like totally in love with each other and whatever.”
“Don’t mock the romance, Finn.”
“It’s a little too much, don’t you think, Mom?”
“I think it’s really cute. Maybe one day I can brainwash you into doing that for us too.”
“I’ll do anything for you, Rachel, you know that.”
“I think we should make a photo album with pictures of us, our families and friends.”
“Okay, we can swing by the hobby store and pick stuff up.”
“Look at you, Finn; never have I seen you so smitten by a girl before.”
“You don’t know Rachel all that well yet, Mom. She’s the most amazing person in the world.” A silence settled over the two couples as Rachel continued blushing, her fingers pressed tight into his as she tried not to tear up. Carole and Burt just stood there and watched the two of them, sneaking smiles at each other, “Okay, picture time.”
*End of Flashback*
***
He had fallen asleep all through Spanish and Mr. Schuester had called him out on it and as Mr. Schue always does, appointed him to be tutored for what he missed. He usually sent him to Santana, because she was good, but given Finn’s and Santana’s history, Mr. Schue was being nice about assigning him to somebody else. Finn was sure that the name had been mentioned, but in his hurry to get out of class, he wasn’t paying attention. He was skipping his next class and heading to the library in hopes of getting an hour of sleep before he had to sit through the torture that was American History. Finn still couldn’t understand why it was important to know all about how America came to be and why it was such a wonderful place to live and all that. He loved America and he figured that was enough, he didn’t need to know all the good and bad things about the country. Shaking his head as he stepped into the library, Finn swallowed hard. The last time he had been here, he had been pressed up against Rachel in one of the back stalls. They had gotten almost all the way, especially with the speed in which her fingers were moving over the buttons of his jeans, but the bell had rung and Rachel had practically darted out from under him. it was a good memory because it was one of those days when Rachel forgot that she was going to wait till she was 25 to have sex. She had just been so damn desperate and Finn still had a scar on his stomach from when she scratched him, trying to find the button on his jeans.
“Are you lost?” Finn blinked and whipped around to find Rachel standing behind him, looking absolutely confused as to why he was even in the library, “I could be.”
“Finn, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m supposed to be getting tutored in Spanish for what I missed in class today.”
“You’re the person who fell asleep in class?”
“Wow, Mr. Schue is good,” Finn pushed a hand through his hair and closed his eyes, “What are you talking about?”
“He set this up, Rachel.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Finn, Mr. Schue wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Don’t underestimate the man;” sighing heavily, he nodded to one of the tables, “Shall we?”
“You’re skipping American History, aren’t you?” Finn arched an eyebrow at her and suddenly remembered that she knew his schedule even better than him, which was why he had always attended all his classes, because she had made sure that he didn’t fall asleep or get there late. He missed that. Quinn always talked to him in the hallway and then she was gone, leaving him to fumble and figure his own way out. “I’m doing okay in History, I’m actually failing Spanish.”
“I’ll do what I can to help you get your grades back up.” Nodding he sat down across from her, making a mental note to keep his distance from her as much as possible. The closer he was to Rachel, the harder it was to resist doing all the things he wanted to do to her. chewing on his lip as he pulled out his books, Finn looked up at her and smiled to himself, “Heard you’re going to prom with Kurt.”
“He’s very persuasive. Besides, I thought it’d be fun to go at least once. I only get one shot at this right?”
“I’m glad you’re going, it would be weird without everyone there.”
“Don’t worry, Finn, we’ll all make the right noises when you get crowned Prom King.”
“I don’t care about being Prom King; I actually don’t even really want to go.”
“You’re lying to me and yourself when you say that, Finn.”
“No, seriously, I don’t care. It’s not going to be fun because I’m not going with y-“ Finn looked down at his hands and shook his head, “Prom has become this big competition for first place and I don’t care about being first place anymore.”
“You’re doing a really bad job of making people believe you on that then.” Finn looked up at Rachel as she tucked her hair behind her ear and made a note to punch himself later for even putting her through all that pain in the first place. She didn’t deserve to be treated like this, she deserved to be treated well, by a guy who would love her no matter what it would cost him. “I guess I’m trying too hard to do everything right.”
***
Kurt (19:21): I just thought you should know that Rachel looks gorgeous in her dress.
Finn (20:02): I have no doubt about that, this is Rachel we’re talking about.
Kurt (20:10): Then why aren’t you here, escorting her to this wretched dance?
Finn (20:20): Because I promised Quinn I would go with her.
Kurt (20:24): Apparently you promised Rachel you’d never break up with her either.
Finn (20:30): Kurt, I want you to stop sticking your nose where it does not belong.
Kurt (20:36): I can’t just sit by and watch two of my favorite people ruin their lives together because of one mistake. Don’t you get it, I’m living vicariously through you.
Finn (20:40): I have no idea what that means, but I really think you need to stop doing that.
Kurt (20: 44): Talk to Rachel just once when you get here.
Finn (20:47): Okay, but I have to go before Quinn kicks me again.
Kurt (20:50): I repeat, you’re at this stupid dance with the wrong girl.
Finn (20:53): Tell me something I don’t know.
Walking into the school with Quinn felt weird. Everyone was watching them closely while Quinn gave them her bitch face and made sure that everyone moved out of her way as she walked down the hall, her arm linked through his. Finn couldn’t look at anyone that he passed, he felt uncomfortable in his monkey suit and Quinn’s corsage was scratching him. he couldn’t even find the strength to fake a smile, which only made things that much worse. Spotting Puck from the corner of his eyes, Finn’s lips twitched in a smile and he carefully pulled away from Quinn, “I’ll see you inside.”
“No, you’re walking in with me.”
“No, you’re going to have to do the grand entrance all on your own.”
“Finn!”
“Look, I came to the prom with you, we’re going to win the stupid crown. Now what the hell do you want me to do?”
“Respect me, for one. And secondly, I want you to escort me into the party.”
“I’ve done almost everything that you wanted me to do, all I’m asking is that you let me go hang with the guys for a bit.”
“You’re unbelievable. I’m doing this for you, for us and all you can do in return is leave me alone on the biggest night of our lives? Will you be doing this on our wedding day as well?”
“Whoa! Moving a little fast there, aren’t you?”
“You know that this is where you belong, with me, why is it so hard for you to understand that?”
“I understand it, but I don’t believe it. I’m going to spend some time with Puck and Mike and afterwards, I’ll meet you inside.”
“Don’t you dare get drunk on whatever Puck is smuggling in tonight.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“Finn.” He kept his back to her, fully aware of the way everyone was watching them and sighed heavily, “What?”
“Kiss me.”
“I’ll see you inside, Quinn.” He was pretty sure he heard her growl at him, but Finn was too busy making faces at Puck and Mike as he followed them into the boys locker room. He knew exactly what Puck had smuggled in and he also knew that Puck had brought a bottle just for him, so he would be fine for the rest of the night. It wasn’t just Kurt that kept bringing up how bad this relationship was for Finn, Puck and Mike liked reminding him too. Finn liked to think that the only reason Puck kept bringing it up was because a part of him would always be in love with Quinn. Lauren was his girl now, yes, but Quinn would always be his first love. It had been awkward at first, to talk about things like that with Puck, but he figured that since he needed to talk about it, it made sense talking to someone who knew her instead of someone who didn’t. “So, your Highness, how drunk are we looking to get tonight?”
“Drunk enough to be able to walk onto that stage when they announce my name and make a ridiculous speech about how surprised and thankful I am that everyone voted for me.”
“Tonight is your lucky night, I have a flask with your name on it.”
“Thanks, man. I really need this.”
***
The first person he saw as he and the boys stumbled into the gym was Rachel Berry. She was laughing at something Kurt had said and she had her eyes closed as she tilted her head back. Finn felt his stomach do that flip-flopping thing it did every time he was around her and he just stood there, watching her as the boys talked and laughed around him. she was wearing a very simple dress - compared to the crazy, colorful ones the others were wearing - in what Kurt would call a soft pink. She had her hair down and a pretty corsage around her wrist. With Kurt as her prom date there was no way that Rachel was going to show up looking shabby. Smiling as he found himself walking towards her, Finn shoved his hands into his pockets. Just as he was about to reach her, Quinn placed herself between him and the gang and pushed him backwards, “I knew you’d stray.”
“I was just going to say hey to Kurt.”
“I know you better than that Finn, now come with me.” Reluctantly taking her hand, Finn shot Rachel a quick smile and let himself be dragged off to where the rest of the ex-cheerios were standing with their dates. Santana and Brittany looked positively bored and Artie and Sam were busy playing something on an iPhone. Their prom was most definitely the most boring thing ever. Finn always wondered why people got so excited about their prom when it was just another random day in their high school lives. Rocking back on his heels as Principal Figgins took the stage, Finn rolled his eyes and let Quinn snuggle against him. that was the least he could do after walking into the gym close to being completely drunk. There was a lot of talking on Figgins’ part and Finn, as always, was not paying attention. He didn’t care really, he was just busy scanning the crowd, trying to spot Rachel and Kurt in the chaos. “Finn!” Groaning as he got nudged in the side, Finn turned to look at Quinn, “What?”
“I’m your girlfriend, I’m the one you’re supposed to be focused on tonight, I’m your prom date and your Prom Queen.”
“Right, of course, whatever.”
“I don’t believe this, you’re still in love with her.”
“Quinn, I’m not in the mood right now.”
“Yeah, neither am I, so give me your hand and get your Prom King speech prepared.” Rolling his eyes, Finn turned back to the stage to look at Figgins’ as he called the Student Body President onto stage. Unlinking his fingers from hers, Finn clapped as she made a quick speech and then proceeded to announce the King and Queen.
“Your new Prom King and Queen are Finn Hudson and Quinn Fabray!” Faking a smile as she squealed at the result, Finn held his arm out for Quinn and waited for her to wipe away her fake tears before leading the way onto stage. Bending at the knees, Finn lowered himself a little as the crown was placed on his head and then straightened up, looking out into the crowd. Rachel was gone, but Kurt was still standing there, shrugging as he looked back at him. he heard Quinn make her speech, none of the words even registered with him because he was trying to think of all the places where Rachel could be. For a split second, he felt like he was in that stupid teen flick that Rachel made him watch a couple of times because she insisted that she felt like that girl - going from geek to beautiful only because of one guy - and he wanted to hit himself for not remember how the movie turned out in the end. someone said his name, but Finn couldn’t stop thinking about Rachel, shaking his head, he turned to Quinn and shrugged, “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
***
This wasn’t all that big of a school, but it took Finn forever to find Rachel. She was sitting at the piano in the choir room, singing to herself. She was singing that song that won them the Regionals trophy. The song that she wrote for him. taking a deep breath, Finn smoothed down his jacket and walked towards her, smiling as he listened to the way her voice filled the whole room. “Hey.”
She jumped at the sound of his voice and turned around, took one look at him and then turned back to the piano, “Your crown is on crooked.”
“I didn’t even realize it was still on my head.”
“Congratulations.”
“You weren’t there making all the right noises when I got crowned.”
“I didn’t particularly feel like making happy noises right now.”
“Yeah, neither do I.”
“What are you doing here, Finn?”
“Looking for you. Instead of starting here, I went everywhere else and then realized that of all the quiet places at this school, this is the only one that makes you feel happy and comfortable.”
“Why are you looking for me?”
“Can I sit first?”
“Sure.” He slid onto the piano bench as she moved to make space for him and played a few random keys as she took her hands off the piano, “So, why are you looking for me?”
“Did you know that the MVP trophy that Mr. Schue gave you was actually picked out by me?” Finn nodded, smiling as he looked across the length of the piano and at their trophies from Regionals, “He said he wanted to give you something, because you had worked so hard on this and I suggested we get you a trophy with a star, because that’s what you are. You’re a star, always have been, always will be.”
“Finn… I can’t do this right now.”
“You can’t do what?”
“Listen to you talk to me about how amazing life is with Quinn and whatever.”
“I’m not going to talk about Quinn, I’m going to talk about you. And me.”
“There is no you and me, you made that very clear.”
“Yeah, but now I’m talking about us as an us.”
“What are you talking about?” Sighing in defeat as he struggled to put his words together Finn leaned in and kissed Rachel, resting one hand on her cheek as he edged closer to her. he felt her tense under his touch, before responding to the kiss, their lips moving against each other’s eagerly as she slowly ran her fingers down his arm, letting it rest on his elbow. Finn broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers gently, “I miss you.”
“Finn…”
“I’ve been wanting to do that since Regionals.”
“I’ve been wanting to do that since after Christmas.”
“I’m sorry, Rachel, I know that I put you through hell and then some this whole time.”
“Did you get together with Quinn because you still love her?” Finn shook his head, “I got together with her because I don’t know how to be alone and because I was hurting from what happened between us and, I think I needed some kind of closure before letting myself love you again.”
“Did you stop loving me after I kissed Noah?”
“Are you crazy? I could never stop loving you, Rachel, you are the love of my life. There will never be anyone who makes me feel this way. Ever.”
“I’m sorry, Finn, I shouldn’t have kissed Noah, I shouldn’t have tried to settle the score because of what happened between you and Santana. I was so stupid and so hurt that when Noah was nice to me because I was such a wreck I took him for granted.”
“I know, Puck spoke to me about it, it’s okay. We’ve both done things that we’re not proud of and we’re moving in the wrong direction and we’re dealing with this the wrong way. Me getting together with Quinn was the biggest mistake, because I wasn’t ready for anything of that sort and I wasn’t ready to let you go.” Finn took a deep breath as Rachel linked her fingers with his, he looked down at their hands, forever amazed at the way their hands perfectly fit. Looking up at her, Finn leaned in for a quick kiss, smiling against her lips as she rested her hand on his face, her thumb gently stroking his cheek. “Finn?”
“Mhm?”
“I’m ready.”
***