(no subject)
Don't read this.
I'm fucking clumsy. I just knocked my ashtray over and spilled it all over my freshly-cleaned nightstand. Fuck me. And it's clean. So much has changed since the last time I used this thing. I smoke. I am somewhat financially independent. I have taken charge of my life.
The last one may or may not be true. I can't really tell.
It's so fucking cold in here. I'm having trouble typing.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't mean right now, I know what I'm doing right now. I'm having a relapse. I digress. I don't know what I'm doing in general. Is there such thing as a quarter-way-through-your-life crisis? I think I may be having one. Or maybe it's the same late-to-post-teen crisis I've been having for years now. I'm so restless all the time. Restless to the point of lethargy, if that makes any sense. I have trouble bringing myself to do anything that will better my life, instead staying content to remain in the same place.
You had better not be reading this.
I have made no progression as a person in the past 3 years. I am right where I started, just in a bigger house. "There's a ghost in my heart, trying to see in the dark." I am still the same irresponsible, self-conscious, anti-go-getter that I was when I first moved out of my grandparents' house. I managed to completely drive away the person I was madly in love with, the only person I thought could pull me out of this great big fucking hole. And that's the last thing I'm going to say about that.
I have got to get my shit together. I have got to get all my debts paid off. I have got to get some sort of higher education. Learn a trade, at least. I refuse to be a 30 year old waiter paying child support, having no insurance, and resenting my entire life.
I have got to rid myself of everything that is preventing me from growing the fuck up.
I have got to rid myself of everyone that is preventing me from growing the fuck up.
MeMeMeMeBitchMeMeMeMeMeWhineMeMeMeMoanMeMeMeMeCryMeMeMeMe
"Someday I'm gonna come home with a badge that says you're mine."
It's a good thing you didn't read this.
I'm fucking clumsy. I just knocked my ashtray over and spilled it all over my freshly-cleaned nightstand. Fuck me. And it's clean. So much has changed since the last time I used this thing. I smoke. I am somewhat financially independent. I have taken charge of my life.
The last one may or may not be true. I can't really tell.
It's so fucking cold in here. I'm having trouble typing.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't mean right now, I know what I'm doing right now. I'm having a relapse. I digress. I don't know what I'm doing in general. Is there such thing as a quarter-way-through-your-life crisis? I think I may be having one. Or maybe it's the same late-to-post-teen crisis I've been having for years now. I'm so restless all the time. Restless to the point of lethargy, if that makes any sense. I have trouble bringing myself to do anything that will better my life, instead staying content to remain in the same place.
You had better not be reading this.
I have made no progression as a person in the past 3 years. I am right where I started, just in a bigger house. "There's a ghost in my heart, trying to see in the dark." I am still the same irresponsible, self-conscious, anti-go-getter that I was when I first moved out of my grandparents' house. I managed to completely drive away the person I was madly in love with, the only person I thought could pull me out of this great big fucking hole. And that's the last thing I'm going to say about that.
I have got to get my shit together. I have got to get all my debts paid off. I have got to get some sort of higher education. Learn a trade, at least. I refuse to be a 30 year old waiter paying child support, having no insurance, and resenting my entire life.
I have got to rid myself of everything that is preventing me from growing the fuck up.
I have got to rid myself of everyone that is preventing me from growing the fuck up.
MeMeMeMeBitchMeMeMeMeMeWhineMeMeMeMoanMeMeMeMeCryMeMeMeMe
"Someday I'm gonna come home with a badge that says you're mine."
It's a good thing you didn't read this.