Do I ~*.*~*~*-*DAZZLE*-*~*~*.*~ YOU!?
So I know I'm like a year behind the times, but I finally just watched TWILIGHT. Just for the lulz.
Warning: If you actually love Twilight in a non-ironic way I would skip this post hahaha.
1. RPattz's "just jizzed my pants" look the moment Bella walked into the classroom and the ensuing "I am shitting myself" looks he gave her. HAHAHAHAA
2. Peter Facinelli as Dr. Cullen HAHAHAHA he will always be Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait to me.
3. All the vampires are SO WHITE HAHAHA and RPattz's lipstick is darker than Bella's! LMAOOOO and his eyes were "black" and that's NORMAL? WHY DOES NO ONE NOTICE THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY VAMPIRES? What do they need, a cape and a widow's peak hairdo?! LOL.
4. "You know your mood swings are kind of giving me whiplash." Said without an ounce of emotion LOL.
5. Jacob's Friend: The Cullens don't come here. *30 seconds of silence*
Bella: What did your friend mean about the Cullens not coming here?
Jacob: ...you caught that?
LOL the guy flat out said "The Cullens don't come here" and that was followed by dead silence LOL how could you NOT catch that?
6. The ridiculous music-video camera shots during the "What am I" scene. And also the music video when he was sucking the poison out of her. And also all the other music video moments, i.e. like a third of the movie. And how the music never matched the scene.
7. FLYING PIGGYBACK RIDE UP THE MOUNTAIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAA OH MY GOD. And the ridiculous baseball game?????? LOL like okay, play a Muse song, fine. Have them playing in the thunderstorm, FINE. But don't put them all in matching baseball outfits HAHAHAHA WHAT.
8. "I want to kill you."
"I trust you."
HAHAHA WHAT.
9. THE SPARKLES. Ohhh the sparkles. I love that all vampire movies and TV shows and books all have different rules for what flies with vampires. I was waiting for Edward to pull a Spike and start screaming and running around with his coat pulled over his head.
10. 90% of the script. And most of the story arc. I mean so the villain was just that ponytail guy? LOL and he just wanted to kill her because he sniffed her? Riiight.
So wow, Bella really doesn't have a personality at all, does she? I love that they even make a point of telling you that she is totally blank LOL. Like...so you're just some girl and now you love this vampire...? Alrighty then.
Thanks for the laughs, Twilight.
Thank god Robert Pattison is hot or else that would have been 90 minutes of my life I'd be begging to get back. People are constantly asking me to read these books and I keep telling them NO NO NEVER and now I have even more fodder to prove my point LOL. Major. Suckage.
Warning: If you actually love Twilight in a non-ironic way I would skip this post hahaha.
1. RPattz's "just jizzed my pants" look the moment Bella walked into the classroom and the ensuing "I am shitting myself" looks he gave her. HAHAHAHAA
2. Peter Facinelli as Dr. Cullen HAHAHAHA he will always be Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait to me.
3. All the vampires are SO WHITE HAHAHA and RPattz's lipstick is darker than Bella's! LMAOOOO and his eyes were "black" and that's NORMAL? WHY DOES NO ONE NOTICE THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY VAMPIRES? What do they need, a cape and a widow's peak hairdo?! LOL.
4. "You know your mood swings are kind of giving me whiplash." Said without an ounce of emotion LOL.
5. Jacob's Friend: The Cullens don't come here. *30 seconds of silence*
Bella: What did your friend mean about the Cullens not coming here?
Jacob: ...you caught that?
LOL the guy flat out said "The Cullens don't come here" and that was followed by dead silence LOL how could you NOT catch that?
6. The ridiculous music-video camera shots during the "What am I" scene. And also the music video when he was sucking the poison out of her. And also all the other music video moments, i.e. like a third of the movie. And how the music never matched the scene.
7. FLYING PIGGYBACK RIDE UP THE MOUNTAIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAA OH MY GOD. And the ridiculous baseball game?????? LOL like okay, play a Muse song, fine. Have them playing in the thunderstorm, FINE. But don't put them all in matching baseball outfits HAHAHAHA WHAT.
8. "I want to kill you."
"I trust you."
HAHAHA WHAT.
9. THE SPARKLES. Ohhh the sparkles. I love that all vampire movies and TV shows and books all have different rules for what flies with vampires. I was waiting for Edward to pull a Spike and start screaming and running around with his coat pulled over his head.
10. 90% of the script. And most of the story arc. I mean so the villain was just that ponytail guy? LOL and he just wanted to kill her because he sniffed her? Riiight.
So wow, Bella really doesn't have a personality at all, does she? I love that they even make a point of telling you that she is totally blank LOL. Like...so you're just some girl and now you love this vampire...? Alrighty then.
Thanks for the laughs, Twilight.
Thank god Robert Pattison is hot or else that would have been 90 minutes of my life I'd be begging to get back. People are constantly asking me to read these books and I keep telling them NO NO NEVER and now I have even more fodder to prove my point LOL. Major. Suckage.