The Orchards of Hades
"Do you think we'll ever see her again?" I asked Robin as we walked toward Michelle's home in Blowing Rock.
"I see her every day," Robin said.
"That's not what I meant," I said. But it was, I realized later. I'd seen her that very morning.
A dream:
Michelle, Robin, Frank, Tyler, Max, and I had stumbled upon this orchard hidden in the forest near Blowing Rock. A strange fruit grew on the trees. This fruit was not the sort of thing one ate lightly, its coloring suggesting that not only was it not quite ripe, but it might never be something that would agree with a human stomach. The trees--about the size of orange trees--were lined up in rows as far as the eye could see. Positioned in the center of the trees were two very sturdy, long, elevated conveyor belts overgrown with weeds and even a small tree here and there.
Frank and I had climbed up to the top of the apparatus and were walking along the belt. Robin and Michelle and Max were walking together to the left and Max was telling some story, Michelle smiling and laughing, and Robin listening with a characteristic quiet smile. Tyler was on the ground to the right.
"These look like they haven't been used in decades," I said, speaking of the conveyors.
"No," Tyler disagreed, "I think they were probably used just last summer." This seemed to make sense to me, or I simply didn't care, so I left it alone.
"Weren't they talking about these on NPR?" Frank interjected.
"Yeah," I said, "I think I remember them discussing it." We'd been listening to NPR on the car ride to Blowing Rock.
After we walked for some time, the orchard came to an end. Beyond it were huge piles of Hokie stone, the material of which most buildings on VT's campus are constructed. Beyond the piles of stone were small hills of solid rock, presumably from which the Hokie stone had been milled. There was a great deal of abandoned mining equipment, and presently the conveyor belt ended. We hopped down to look around. We agreed, finally, that this must be the quarry from which all of the Hokie stone on campus originated. This seems acceptable; Blowing Rock is not so very far from Blacksburg, and this locale has a very Neil Gaiman quality to it. It seems not quite real, even for a dream.
We had hopped off of the conveyor to have this discussion, and only Frank and Tyler were able to climb back up again. I walked back on the ground with the girls, back through the orchard.
Skip forward a bit. We're in Michelle's basement. Michelle, Robin, and Max are standing near the stairs, and I am seated on the couch (the same couch upon which I am sleeping as I dream this). I think somehow it has become clear to Max that she has been given one last day with us, and that we're nearing the end of if. We had perhaps known it all day, but no one had been able to tell her except through our actions, and now she had guessed.
Robin and Michelle looked at me, and then at each other. "Let's go upstairs for a minute," Michelle said. They left. Max was looking down at the floor, an unreadable expression on her face. She was wearing pajamas and her hair was pulled back; her eyes held a deep sadness.
"Come here," I said, beckoning, planning to sit her down in front of me and give her a massage. This was something I could do for her to make her feel better, I thought. I slipped down off the couch and she sat in front of me, but instead of working on her back, I held her in my arms.
"I'm not ready to leave yet," she said softly.
"I love you," I said. "I'm in love with you, I mean."
She started crying. We held each other more tightly for a moment, and then she passed away in my arms.
I awoke on the couch knowing that it had been a dream. It was not even a particularly unpleasant dream, though I had to feel around in my head to know that this was so. I know many people dream of close relations who've died and are told by the friend or relative, "It's time for you to move on." This was not one of those dreams, I decided. I don't believe either Max or I are ready to move on yet. I hope she will visit me again in my dreams, and that we can walk again in orchards under blue skies, perhaps near Hokie stone.
I hadn't known it, but there is in fact a quarry in Blowing Rock--though apparently not for Hokie stone. Perhaps next time I will go there.
Many of my entries of late have been pretty depressed. I feel like I should say that there have been happy times, too, but I haven't felt like writing during those times, because writing tends to make me sadder. This is one of the few entries I've been able to write without crying, but that does not mean that crying is the norm for my life. Yeah, I'm pretty sad, but I will survive. Do not worry about me, and please do not feel guilty that there's nothing you can do to help. I'm very grateful for all of my friends right now.
"I see her every day," Robin said.
"That's not what I meant," I said. But it was, I realized later. I'd seen her that very morning.
A dream:
Michelle, Robin, Frank, Tyler, Max, and I had stumbled upon this orchard hidden in the forest near Blowing Rock. A strange fruit grew on the trees. This fruit was not the sort of thing one ate lightly, its coloring suggesting that not only was it not quite ripe, but it might never be something that would agree with a human stomach. The trees--about the size of orange trees--were lined up in rows as far as the eye could see. Positioned in the center of the trees were two very sturdy, long, elevated conveyor belts overgrown with weeds and even a small tree here and there.
Frank and I had climbed up to the top of the apparatus and were walking along the belt. Robin and Michelle and Max were walking together to the left and Max was telling some story, Michelle smiling and laughing, and Robin listening with a characteristic quiet smile. Tyler was on the ground to the right.
"These look like they haven't been used in decades," I said, speaking of the conveyors.
"No," Tyler disagreed, "I think they were probably used just last summer." This seemed to make sense to me, or I simply didn't care, so I left it alone.
"Weren't they talking about these on NPR?" Frank interjected.
"Yeah," I said, "I think I remember them discussing it." We'd been listening to NPR on the car ride to Blowing Rock.
After we walked for some time, the orchard came to an end. Beyond it were huge piles of Hokie stone, the material of which most buildings on VT's campus are constructed. Beyond the piles of stone were small hills of solid rock, presumably from which the Hokie stone had been milled. There was a great deal of abandoned mining equipment, and presently the conveyor belt ended. We hopped down to look around. We agreed, finally, that this must be the quarry from which all of the Hokie stone on campus originated. This seems acceptable; Blowing Rock is not so very far from Blacksburg, and this locale has a very Neil Gaiman quality to it. It seems not quite real, even for a dream.
We had hopped off of the conveyor to have this discussion, and only Frank and Tyler were able to climb back up again. I walked back on the ground with the girls, back through the orchard.
Skip forward a bit. We're in Michelle's basement. Michelle, Robin, and Max are standing near the stairs, and I am seated on the couch (the same couch upon which I am sleeping as I dream this). I think somehow it has become clear to Max that she has been given one last day with us, and that we're nearing the end of if. We had perhaps known it all day, but no one had been able to tell her except through our actions, and now she had guessed.
Robin and Michelle looked at me, and then at each other. "Let's go upstairs for a minute," Michelle said. They left. Max was looking down at the floor, an unreadable expression on her face. She was wearing pajamas and her hair was pulled back; her eyes held a deep sadness.
"Come here," I said, beckoning, planning to sit her down in front of me and give her a massage. This was something I could do for her to make her feel better, I thought. I slipped down off the couch and she sat in front of me, but instead of working on her back, I held her in my arms.
"I'm not ready to leave yet," she said softly.
"I love you," I said. "I'm in love with you, I mean."
She started crying. We held each other more tightly for a moment, and then she passed away in my arms.
I awoke on the couch knowing that it had been a dream. It was not even a particularly unpleasant dream, though I had to feel around in my head to know that this was so. I know many people dream of close relations who've died and are told by the friend or relative, "It's time for you to move on." This was not one of those dreams, I decided. I don't believe either Max or I are ready to move on yet. I hope she will visit me again in my dreams, and that we can walk again in orchards under blue skies, perhaps near Hokie stone.
I hadn't known it, but there is in fact a quarry in Blowing Rock--though apparently not for Hokie stone. Perhaps next time I will go there.
Many of my entries of late have been pretty depressed. I feel like I should say that there have been happy times, too, but I haven't felt like writing during those times, because writing tends to make me sadder. This is one of the few entries I've been able to write without crying, but that does not mean that crying is the norm for my life. Yeah, I'm pretty sad, but I will survive. Do not worry about me, and please do not feel guilty that there's nothing you can do to help. I'm very grateful for all of my friends right now.