(no subject)
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"Dearest Voters,
As you all know, LiquidGeneration is holding a fake election to see who would make a better fake President of the United States. The answer is quite obvious: Me. Slippy Jenkins.
I am asking for your vote because this country is headed in the wrong direction. John Kerry is boring. George W. Bush’s daughters refuse to return my phone calls. Michael Moore is depleting McDonald’s resources. Is this the America you want?
If elected, I promise to accomplish things that will blow your frickin’ mind. Just the other day John Edwards promised that if John Kerry were elected president and legalized stem cell research, people like Christopher Reeve would walk again. Big deal. If elected, I will use stem cells to resurrect Christopher Reeve from his grave (Frankenstein-style), make him dance a jig, and have him hunt down Osama bin Laden (as well as Superman Issue #1, dude!).
But that’s not all. People always ask me what my plan is for Iraq and I always say, "What’s your plan for Iraq?" Then they’ll say, "Well I asked you first." And then I’ll be like, "What is this a press conference?" And they’ll respond, "Your mom’s a press conference!" "Oh no you didn’t, bitch!" I’ll snap and then we’ll both spit in each other’s faces and call it a night.
Another subject is gay marriage. Yes I think gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry. Legalizing gay marriage is great because it will open society’s doors to all sorts of people who engage in non-heterosexual sex and want to become legally recognized by the government. This includes humans and dogs, humans and horses, humans and eels, and all sorts of unconventional couples who love each other so much they’re willing to post pictures of themselves having sex on the Internet.
The above is only a small sampling of my platform. You can find more information about me, and other LiquidGeneration candidates, by checking out this little mini-website we created for nothing other than our big egos: YOU DECIDED and then eat dinner 2004.
My name is Slippy Jenkins and you bet your ass I approved this message.
Love,
Slippy Jenkins
Special Interest/Killer War Chest"
_________________
"Dearest Voters,
As you all know, LiquidGeneration is holding a fake election to see who would make a better fake President of the United States. The answer is quite obvious: Me. Slippy Jenkins.
I am asking for your vote because this country is headed in the wrong direction. John Kerry is boring. George W. Bush’s daughters refuse to return my phone calls. Michael Moore is depleting McDonald’s resources. Is this the America you want?
If elected, I promise to accomplish things that will blow your frickin’ mind. Just the other day John Edwards promised that if John Kerry were elected president and legalized stem cell research, people like Christopher Reeve would walk again. Big deal. If elected, I will use stem cells to resurrect Christopher Reeve from his grave (Frankenstein-style), make him dance a jig, and have him hunt down Osama bin Laden (as well as Superman Issue #1, dude!).
But that’s not all. People always ask me what my plan is for Iraq and I always say, "What’s your plan for Iraq?" Then they’ll say, "Well I asked you first." And then I’ll be like, "What is this a press conference?" And they’ll respond, "Your mom’s a press conference!" "Oh no you didn’t, bitch!" I’ll snap and then we’ll both spit in each other’s faces and call it a night.
Another subject is gay marriage. Yes I think gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry. Legalizing gay marriage is great because it will open society’s doors to all sorts of people who engage in non-heterosexual sex and want to become legally recognized by the government. This includes humans and dogs, humans and horses, humans and eels, and all sorts of unconventional couples who love each other so much they’re willing to post pictures of themselves having sex on the Internet.
The above is only a small sampling of my platform. You can find more information about me, and other LiquidGeneration candidates, by checking out this little mini-website we created for nothing other than our big egos: YOU DECIDED and then eat dinner 2004.
My name is Slippy Jenkins and you bet your ass I approved this message.
Love,
Slippy Jenkins
Special Interest/Killer War Chest"
_________________