In A Galaxy Far Away
A long time ago, I used to stare up at the clouds alot. I also used to see a lot of hot air balloons floating around. This was the 80's of course, when people never really had much money and did lots of recreational things. Nowadays, people are so used to the booming economy and all of their material items, but have no money to buy them anymore due to the fact that the economy is now shit. So instead of going out and doing recreational things that cost them no money to do and are just as front, they obsess about not having the money they need for said material things, or they spend every last dime on these things and don't have money to live off of.
I just want to start over. I want to be a new person. Be reborn. I feel like a backed up sewer pipe that so full of shit that it can't even function anymore. I feel weighed down. I never felt this heavy in all of my life. Even when I was seriously depressed and contemplating suicide, I never felt this weight on me. I am thinking I might just save up as much money as possible and just get the hell outta dodge. Start over, maybe change my name or something. I don't ever want to talk to my family again. There are a few friends I would stay in touch with, but for the most part, I'd just cut and eliminate myself from this place.
I have also gotten to the point that I never feel like dating again. I have trust issues to begin with, but now I just can't trust anyone past a certain point. All people in my life romantically have done is hurt and betrayed me. They were all losers with seious psychological problems. Sex addict, drug addict, mommy issues, daddy issues, the inability to start ANY conversation without fighting. I just give up on it all. I don't need sex, and I don't really need companionship. I can get along by myself at the end of the day. I don't need anyone to hold me and say it's alright. I already know when things are going to be alright. I also know the difference when things won't. All a significant other is, is a distraction from the truth. That nobody will ever care for you as much as they care for themselves. Also that even if you are with someone, they will always betray you. We all die alone. It's sad, but it's true.
I'm just sick of it all and want it all to go away. *sigh* I dunno. I am now just complaining when I need to go out and do something about it.
I just want to start over. I want to be a new person. Be reborn. I feel like a backed up sewer pipe that so full of shit that it can't even function anymore. I feel weighed down. I never felt this heavy in all of my life. Even when I was seriously depressed and contemplating suicide, I never felt this weight on me. I am thinking I might just save up as much money as possible and just get the hell outta dodge. Start over, maybe change my name or something. I don't ever want to talk to my family again. There are a few friends I would stay in touch with, but for the most part, I'd just cut and eliminate myself from this place.
I have also gotten to the point that I never feel like dating again. I have trust issues to begin with, but now I just can't trust anyone past a certain point. All people in my life romantically have done is hurt and betrayed me. They were all losers with seious psychological problems. Sex addict, drug addict, mommy issues, daddy issues, the inability to start ANY conversation without fighting. I just give up on it all. I don't need sex, and I don't really need companionship. I can get along by myself at the end of the day. I don't need anyone to hold me and say it's alright. I already know when things are going to be alright. I also know the difference when things won't. All a significant other is, is a distraction from the truth. That nobody will ever care for you as much as they care for themselves. Also that even if you are with someone, they will always betray you. We all die alone. It's sad, but it's true.
I'm just sick of it all and want it all to go away. *sigh* I dunno. I am now just complaining when I need to go out and do something about it.