Fuck it
So it's finally over. The thing I thought would last close to forever. The thing I wanted to last forever. The thing I'd still want to last forever if I could believe in it. If it was worth it to anyone else. If I was wanted, I'd be asked not to leave, apologised to, not made out to look like the only asshole in the whole thing.
Yet again it's been proved to me that I can't afford to get close or to care or to fall in love. And if I make that mistake again (which I'll make it a point not to), that it's in my own best intrest to not get my feelings hurt or be upset about anything. And people wonder why I never speak up and just let things build and build. THIS is why. Because I'm in the wrong for being upset over something that everyone else would be upset about, would have said something about. I'm in the wrong for saying something about what many other people have seen and mentioned to me, have told me to say something about. I'm tired of being wrong, I'm tired of being the only asshole when other people have done things to hurt me too. The people who have known me for a long time will see me go back to the old me, I'm not speaking up anymore, I'm not giving in anymore, I'm not caring anymore. I'm finished. I'm done. It's over. I don't have any other options. I said a long time ago that if I wasn't wanted anymore, to be asked to leave. I didn't even get that respect. I'm over it. Relationships, love (HA!), caring, feeling... Perhaps I will go to BC with Brock. I don't know anyone there, I won't have to get to know anyone there. He needs a ride and has gas money. I need out and to go where there's nobody I have to bother caring about. For everyone that bitches about not having someone to hold, to love, to cuddle with, to tell you that everything's gonna be okay: you're better off without it. Be glad that you don't have to deal with all the bullshit.
Yet again it's been proved to me that I can't afford to get close or to care or to fall in love. And if I make that mistake again (which I'll make it a point not to), that it's in my own best intrest to not get my feelings hurt or be upset about anything. And people wonder why I never speak up and just let things build and build. THIS is why. Because I'm in the wrong for being upset over something that everyone else would be upset about, would have said something about. I'm in the wrong for saying something about what many other people have seen and mentioned to me, have told me to say something about. I'm tired of being wrong, I'm tired of being the only asshole when other people have done things to hurt me too. The people who have known me for a long time will see me go back to the old me, I'm not speaking up anymore, I'm not giving in anymore, I'm not caring anymore. I'm finished. I'm done. It's over. I don't have any other options. I said a long time ago that if I wasn't wanted anymore, to be asked to leave. I didn't even get that respect. I'm over it. Relationships, love (HA!), caring, feeling... Perhaps I will go to BC with Brock. I don't know anyone there, I won't have to get to know anyone there. He needs a ride and has gas money. I need out and to go where there's nobody I have to bother caring about. For everyone that bitches about not having someone to hold, to love, to cuddle with, to tell you that everything's gonna be okay: you're better off without it. Be glad that you don't have to deal with all the bullshit.