Fuck
It's weird to be on here. I guess I'm looking for any sort of comfort and familiarity. Also i's just a good place to scream into the void, Livejournal is practically dead right?
Happy Valentine's day I guess. I always get really amped up for this Holiday just to be let down. I thrive on disappointment. It's funny because I thought today would be extra special because it is also the year marker of moving to South Carolina, woohoo. Today was oppressive in how mundane it was. I don't know what part of my psychological makeup needs to get excited about Holidays, I'm starting to get bitter about them. It comes with being a career retail worker.
Enough of my Holiday related pessimism, which by the way if anyone is reading this. Even if I'm reading this in the future, I hope you're having a lovely Valentine's day.
I don't write much anymore and it shows. My sentence structure is bad and I'm struggling with spelling. Whatever.
It's interesting to see myself a year removed from Florida, or home, or whatever. I hate myself every day for this, but I miss it. I miss the beach, and turns out I really truly with a passion hate being cold. I'd rather be hot all year. I know how to be hot. I miss going outside. Even worse, I miss my family. I'm alone a lot now. My husband works nights, and I don't have many friends. Working a lot keeps you from having a social life. Also being full of rage and anxiety may contribute to not having a social life. As rocky as my relationship is and has been with my Mom I wish on the really bad nights I could go over to her house and be annoyed by all her weird "isms".
I don't hate South Carolina, the house we live in is perfect. The mountains are amazing, the city is cute and fun. I'm trying to be grateful for what I have.
Another weird thing I've had to come to terms with is how I am as a person. It's a lot easier to notice patterns in yourself when you're removed from your comfort zone. I can very clearly see what is a factor of my personality and less of my surroundings.
Also I think the grass is greener complex is just part of the human condition. I try to be aware of that. Some days are harder than others.
In other news I am struggling with depression and coming to terms with an eating disorder. It's been really excessively prevalent since we moved. On the bright side, I think I am starting to get a better grasp of my eating disorder. The depression is probably the worst it's been in a long time, but I have better coping mechanisms now. I miss my therapist. I wish insurance wasn't bullshit.
Well I took a fist full of melatonin and had some weird sedative tea. So peace.
Happy Valentine's day I guess. I always get really amped up for this Holiday just to be let down. I thrive on disappointment. It's funny because I thought today would be extra special because it is also the year marker of moving to South Carolina, woohoo. Today was oppressive in how mundane it was. I don't know what part of my psychological makeup needs to get excited about Holidays, I'm starting to get bitter about them. It comes with being a career retail worker.
Enough of my Holiday related pessimism, which by the way if anyone is reading this. Even if I'm reading this in the future, I hope you're having a lovely Valentine's day.
I don't write much anymore and it shows. My sentence structure is bad and I'm struggling with spelling. Whatever.
It's interesting to see myself a year removed from Florida, or home, or whatever. I hate myself every day for this, but I miss it. I miss the beach, and turns out I really truly with a passion hate being cold. I'd rather be hot all year. I know how to be hot. I miss going outside. Even worse, I miss my family. I'm alone a lot now. My husband works nights, and I don't have many friends. Working a lot keeps you from having a social life. Also being full of rage and anxiety may contribute to not having a social life. As rocky as my relationship is and has been with my Mom I wish on the really bad nights I could go over to her house and be annoyed by all her weird "isms".
I don't hate South Carolina, the house we live in is perfect. The mountains are amazing, the city is cute and fun. I'm trying to be grateful for what I have.
Another weird thing I've had to come to terms with is how I am as a person. It's a lot easier to notice patterns in yourself when you're removed from your comfort zone. I can very clearly see what is a factor of my personality and less of my surroundings.
Also I think the grass is greener complex is just part of the human condition. I try to be aware of that. Some days are harder than others.
In other news I am struggling with depression and coming to terms with an eating disorder. It's been really excessively prevalent since we moved. On the bright side, I think I am starting to get a better grasp of my eating disorder. The depression is probably the worst it's been in a long time, but I have better coping mechanisms now. I miss my therapist. I wish insurance wasn't bullshit.
Well I took a fist full of melatonin and had some weird sedative tea. So peace.