BLAH
God, so last night sucked ass, today is sucking ass, but hopefully it'll get better...HOPEFULLY. But seeing how i'm pecimistic or however u spell it about everything that matters to me...i doubt it will...i want it to get better but my gut is saying it'll only get ten times worse before it gets better...dont really wanna get into that part on the el-gay...kinda personal...anyways, yesterday i drove wtih carleton, i fucking hate the crazy dick head, and of course my next hour is with him too...BLAH. i was almost in tears...not even cool. w/e...so far today has sucked ass...i got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night, and i haven't eaten anything all day, i can't...my stomach is in so many fucking knots right now it's not even funny...i feel like puking and crying and screaming and just...stop being the way i am...fuck...i ALWAYS end up fucking things up for myself u know that? It's like once there is something AMAZING in my life, I get scared and push it away without realizing it, and then when i do realize it, it's just so hard to change. and even if i can change it, it's almost always too late...it just sucks so bad...i don't know where anything is leading right now, idk how bad i fucked things up but i pray to God ten million times that it's not something that cannot be fixed, or made better...i can't afford that...i just can't....